overcome bulimia

im B/p 3-4 times a day im spending around $50 a week on binge food alone. my boyfriend of almost 3 monthes has no idea. i think the way to overcome this is to move out of home and live with my boyfriend ive almost finished school than i plan to work full time to save up some money. i feel so compelled by this disorder its like whenever im bingeing i accually stop thinking i just have to concentrate on the food im eating and let my mind drift..no worrying …making plans.. freaking out. my body is suffering and i know im closer to death than most of my friends. the drugs and bulimia are killing me. im munderweight and i want this..but i hate it so much. im just falling through the days…im looking for that great escape.

if i wasent bulimic

drugs would work better
i wouldnt steal money and food off my parents
i wouldnt starve myself
i would eat like evryone else
i would eat out
id have more time for me and others
id have more money
i wouldnt be as cold all the time
i will be healthy
i will be happy

i can have this. i deserve this. everyone does.

i went to a stupid dietician at the hospital and it mader me feel fucking awful, like she wrote me out a fucking plan of what to eat like you know its that fucking easy. im like i havent eaten like that in monthes i cant just start now..well just try. fuck her i dont wanna fucking try if im gonna do this i wanna do it alone, i dont want to be going to 3 fucking speacilists a week that just make me feel worse!!

its raining.

dad thinks im at my worst ive ever been…i really couldnt care atm there seems to be so much going on even though its just school and work …and life to cope with. drugs are the only thing getting me through. but bulimia is like a much more potently addictive drug, i cant be withput it. and that really scares me to admit. i dont want to be this way foreevr, but i dont try hard enough to get helped. im just a crazy, drug fucked bulimic.

ive decided the only way i can start to make headway with my recovery is to move out of home. my parents are at their wits end with food missing and locking up the pantries. blocking the toilets..and its not fair to them. im losing so much money to binge food.
im overr it im falling into its trap, its just so easy. if i move in with my boyfriend, ive only known him a few monthes and he dsnt know about bulimia and its better that way. ill be able to pretend and be normal around him so oftenly that perhaps it will just etch into me and i will get better without havin to try so hard. of cause its gonna be hard tho…

i cant until im 16 anyway im tryin 2 finsih school. then i need a car and a full time job. bulimia just sits on top of all these things weighing me down….

hey girls

im having my ups and mostly downs and thats been truly honest. i went to hospital for about a week and a half as in inpatient at a mental ward they had evryone from anorexic to phycotic and on drugs in there, but they brought in meals and it was some what of a safe environment concerning bulimia i ate normally for over a week and it was amazing i even grew 2cm. i was glowing i didnt even realise how much of my happiness bulimia had stole. i enjoyed eating i looked foward to eating and most of the time i was okay about it.

ive fallen a bit downhill since i got out, temptation and just been home is so typical and habitual for bulimia to sneak in.

i dont wanty to go back to hospital but it was definately a worthwhile experience. i can eat at work without worrying now, ive been out to subway for lunch twice!!! food is no longer the enemy. bulimia makes it the enemy. im recovering iand i know it takes time i still b/p but i think ihave more insight like that its okay to eat and that i can eat just when im at home especially slone is hard.

i read two good books in hospital “biting the hand that starves you” and “Biting Anorexia” which helped me through.

eating normally is so much better than worrying about when to b/p next and what food and where and why i only gained 1/2 a kilo in the week where i accually ate and i grew!!

i will get better cause i derserve it and i deserve food and so do you!

the phycatrist ive been seeing told me i had 3 weeks to gain 1.5kg or i have to go into hospitla. im not even that fucking underweight and ive been maintaining this weight for so long and im sick of bngeing and purging but i need it

maybe hospital will be the best thing for me, but i dont want to gain weight i want to recover but i dont want to be any fatter. i hate i still have this attitude but its etched in my mind and i believe it.

my family is struggling, my dads preassuring me to take these stupid fat shakes and i just cant do it…i feel like im going backwards all the time. but i still feel fat and i know its the wrong thing but i still want to lose weight especially before i go to hospital i just dont trust myself.

ive been bingeing and purging around 3 times daily. i dont eat otherwise and find im extremly cold and sick. im tired of the suffering im putting my body through cause i want to be able to live again. its strange sometimes im so desperate to binge than once i buy the food, its like the noveltys worn off and i feel relieved at just buying the food and having it there, without needing to accually eat it although of cause i do.

i want to recover but i dont want to be fat and i still want to be thinner and maybe even though i feel like this i should force myself to try even though i dont want to otherwise i might be stuck here forever and i wont let bulimia waste my life away .

i saw my counciller the other day, and i made a collage of pictures representing my family, i have alot of inner issues with my autistic brother and its pretty intense at home with my parents and my bulimia at the moment.

im B/P up to 5 times a day daily and have foe the past maybe 2 months?

and when i think about all the time ive wasted eating and throwing up im ashamed of myself.

but once i start the day with a binge and purge its a neverending day.

to undergo hospital treatment which i imagine is like tube down the throat type of thing your BMI must reach below 16..its like we have to be on deaths bed before anyone cares. i would like to do an outpatient program and beverli told me about one in sydney i think been away from this environment and forced somewhat to just have normal meals and not even think about the weight gain…

would help me.

1 binge already today.

im really depressed and feeling totally degraded casue my parents changed the locks on their bathroom, the front door and the food cupords so i cant use them with my key . i understand how its supposed to help me but it just makes me feel like an untrutworthy child and i hate it but i deserve it.

im in the process of recovering from bulimia i see a counceller and a dietaician ive completed the cognitive therapy and ive been givin a diet plan but at some stage i just lost hope. i dont get along with my parents especially when they try to help me does anyone find they cant stand it to have their parents talking to them about it i wish they piss off. but i can see how much its hurting my mum i walked out last night she was on the computer drunk looking up all pictures and videos of bulimia on youtube and crying and my heart broke to see it

i hate bulimia. i want to live a normal life and go out to dinner with my boyfriend and be healthy. i was on a snack plan and eating well for a while but afternoons i struugle to fight bulimia. i have lots of tips and help

ITS IMPORTANT TO TALK and i feel like a hypocrite saying that cause i push people away but YOU CANNOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN

can anybody tell me what been in hospital for recovery is like do theu make you eat everything and watch you like a hawk?

i havent been to school for a month i just freeze and i cant stop thinking about the future and if im gonna be this way forever.

i work at a supermarket and always buy binge food which makes that an unsafe environment ive found if i dont take my wallet im fine though. dad suggests i sat yfor a week at my auntys ectt but bulimia come with me everywhere it has no boundaries. i want to be eating normally within a month or next holidays anyway.

im always here for support
rokchik_lozza_13@hotmail.com