master the violin

Sounds a little weird, I know. But just now, when I was playing, I thought to myself – each note that I play will only exist once. This upcoming note that I’m about to bow out will only have one life to live and echo around my room and disappear. Its life is short but I have the opportunity to make it sweet – in fact, it’s my duty to make it sweet. To love that note, to cherish that note, to make it as beautiful and fully realized as it can be. I have to be true to the note’s character.

Thinking that, my music sounded a little better. I was focusing a lot more because I felt so invested in making each note beautiful. It improves tone and musicality, not to mention technique (proper technique allows beautiful music – like yoga, let the poses, the techniques, the structures work for you – your job is to just hang out with these poses and techniques, and let it work its magic through you. You’re really just a vessel). And it gives a window into the idea that each note is part of a larger song, so you must view the character of that note as part of the character of the song. It’s like how every person has a very different personality and energy, but they’re also inescapably part of the fabric of society. With the music, you’re trying to construct the entire society while loving each and every person for what they are. Their roles are already there, and the more you try to understand each one the more you can let each note relax into its preexisting structure, and you can allow each of them to be as beautiful and unique as they are able and meant to be.

I may be a little crazy.

Over the next couple of days, I’m specifically going to be working on:
(a) pizzicato-ing a lot of my repertoire, paying special attention to how perfectly on-pitch the notes are. I want to practice putting my fingers down in precisely the right spots no matter how fast I go.
(b) keeping my bow running very straight so I can draw the most beautiful tones out of my strings.
(c) having control over my bow so it doesn’t bounce, figuring out my wrist, figuring out more about bow pressure, speed, and the tones it produces.

I want to learn Paganini! I want to be able to play him!

I want to get to the Suzuki Method’s Book 10!

I’m practicing at least an hour every day. That’s strictly the base line. And if I need to take a break, that’s fine, but I need to keep an eye on technique instead of just zoning out and going with the feel-good aspect of it (though that’s good to sink into sometimes).

I’ve been playing a lot of violin today and am loving how it makes my brain feel. It makes the workings of my mind feel more acute and privately satisfying. This is something I should hold on to.

It’s bought! and sounds beautiful.

I have a lot of practice to do. My parents won’t pay for lessons anymore, so if I’m going to do this I have to figure out something by myself. It’s worth it. I’m so excited. And with this new violin, so motivated!

I need to work on my bowing – I never want to hit two strings by mistake. If I hit two, I plan on only doing it on purpose, when the music calls for it.

I also need to work on coordinating my bow hand with my fingers more. I want no improper slurring between notes.

And of course, I’ll always keep an ear out for pitch and tone.

I’m going to restart with Suzuki Book 1 and work through every single song in every single book, painstakingly, until I can truly say that my technique is equatable to that of when I quit.

Finally, I’m buying my first violin on Saturday! I’ve been renting my entire life. I’m going to love and take care of this baby like nothing else. In some way, I want it to become an extension of myself.

I played for ten years, quit for five, and started playing again a few months ago. The years that I didn’t play weren’t the best they could have been, and I think some of this has to do with the fact that I didn’t have a consistent outlet for “right-brain exercise” and didn’t think to really look for it.

I can play the same songs I used to play, and have progressed to the piece that first made me determined to play – Bach’s Concerto in D Minor (for two violins). In a way, this is a huge landmark for me – but there’s room to grow. I think “mastery” is the appropriate term for this. Yeah, I can play, but I’m nowhere near as good as I could be.

I need to work on the technical stuff – for example, getting my bow to run straighter, not bounce when I don’t want it to, never letting it squeak, getting intonation perfect, having a rich sound throughout, and making the transitions between strokes smooth. There’s so much I need to do before I can really integrate musicality into my plan. However, I’m excited for this challenge – nothing can do for me what violin can. I feel like my brain functions on this completely different level, and though there are no words to it it’s a solid process that helps keep my mental health sound. A work of love.