Beat my depression

More famous depressives
Sylvia Plath
Jackson Pollack
Edward Munch

I haven’t posted anything in a while because not much has happened. I am definitely not looking forward to Christmas, when our whole sick lot gets together.
I do wish I could figure what the Hell is it with me. I mean, yes. there was likely triggering events and such, but I guess it comes down to Why me?

Tipper Gore—Al Gore’s wife
Mike Wallace—newscaster
Rod Steiger—Actor
Alexander Hamilton—Founding father
Winston Churchill—Prime minister in England during WWII

Been sleeping a lot lately, sometimes up to 14hrs a day,. I am just totally apathetic right now. nothing’s really triggered it, it just happened.
There is no reason for this, I know, but it still feels like I’m being punished for things I have done. Silly, I know. I know enough to know that is a common feeling, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling that.

The depression is back.Spent the last 2 days on the couch/in bed, sleeping and not caring.
Fall is here, and the trees are turning their colors. Beautiful, but I can’t seem to enjoy it. All it makes me think about is that the cold and grey of winter is coming, and of course, the bane of my existence, Christmas.
Gahhh, why is this?
Suicidal thoughts are in my head, although they haven’t really prompted me to do anything. They never really do, but someday…
I fell the depression will take me.

I seem to be in a period of calm and peace. I feel relatively content. Maybe not happiness, but at least I’m not truly depressed. I don’t know if its the lingering effects of by UK trip, (which was fantastic, and could fill a whole new category) or the new meds finally kicking in.
However, I know it will not last. It never does. Eventually, the Black Cloud will comeback with a vengence.

Just to let everyone know, I am taking a trip overseas, to Britain. I was there 20 years ago, and I’ve always wanted to go back. Now is the time. I will be gone until Sept 20. If I get near a computer, I will try to remember to post something.

Been pretty bad the last couple of days. No energy, no appetite. The temperatures being close to 90 doesn’t help.
It just feels like there is no hope sometimes. I have no more purpose in life. I simply exist, and that’s all. Of course this allows thoughts of killing myself in, but I don’t think it will happen.
God I hate this.

I’VE just been feeling very apathetic lately. I find no pleasure in things. It feels like I;m just going though the motions of life, and not really living.
I try to find pleasure and happiness in small things, but for the most part it eludes me. I get a momentary smile on my face at some things, but that’s about it. When the event is over, I’m back to doom and gloom.
I know this is not a good way to go through life, but right now, it’s all I have. Pathetic, isn,t it?

Saw a new Psychiatrist. I wasn’t really going anywhere with the old one. I saw him once every 3 months, and my visit was basically ” How are you doing? OK? Fine Bye.”
My new one took time with me. he also switched some meds around. I’m being weaned off venlafaxine while at the same time taking citalopram. this is in addition to cymbalta and topiramate. Wheeeeee!
I’m also on tramadol for pain, but I was informed that it could counteract the other meds. Seems I can’t win for losing.