Stop cutting

I apolosigse for any spelling or anything in this as I’m a litte tiposy but I felt like I should write here now as in general when I fele like cutting I’M drunk. Other people go through worse things than me and, even though cutting is my way of coping, it’ snot the best way. And I don’t want to do it anymore… I’m going on ohliday soon and have to cover my scars€ to hide it and always willl have to. I don’t wan tto have to end up having all my body covered because of scars. I don’t want to cut anymore. End of. I want to remind myself o this everythime I want to cut. How can I always remind myself?

It’s been 25 days since I last cut, though there have been many times I’ve wanted to, and I did try once, but didn’t have anything sharp enough.. But it’s still quite good I guess

Last night when I got in I really wasn’t in the best of moods and I was also drunk, this usually means that I cut, but I didn’t while I was out or while I was in. I actually let myself cry, which I don’t like doing. And I can’t say that crying helps as much as cutting, but still, it’s a good thing :-)

Last night I spent ages trying to decide whether to cut or not, and in the end the part of me that wanted to do it won and so I did =( I also decided to take some ibuprofen and some benylin… When I first woke up I had actually forgotten about it happening, but then the blood reminded me. Nevermind! I got to 16 days, so will just have to start again from the beginning, but I guess it’ll get easier…

I’ve been cutting for about 8 months now, and I never once thought that it would be hard to stop as I didn’t feel like I depended on it at all. One of my friends found out and tried convincing me to stop but I said that I didn’t want to. But I do want to do it for them sooo I’m trying. Last time was a week ago last Saturday, and he spoke to me about it on the Tuesday or something. That means it’s been 12 days so far and it’s actually hard. For like the past week I’ve just not felt like socialising and have felt sad and just been generally quiet and not myself, enough for everyone to keep asking what’s wrong. I know that if I cut I would be ok again but I also think I shouldn’t do it, so I’m trying to get through it somehow. Today I went cycling and walking for 2 1/2 hours and when I got home afterwards I was actually in a much better mood, but it doesn’t tend to last very long.