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I managed to stay on the straight and narrow for about 4 more months after that last entry. I finally met another person. He was more of the same. After him I realized that I needed to take a good, hard look at myself. I realized that I needed to accept that I am a sexual human being; just not all the time. I also needed to deal with that fact until I stop feeling shamed about it. I need to make healthier choices about whomever I let into my life and how I deal with the people that are here, and how I let them deal with me. I need to decide what is really important to me. I probably need to be a “selfish bastard” for a minute and worry about me.

The past few months have been a trial for this topic…..
Recently I managed to blow up about how I was targeted on how I raised my child. I have one well meaning relative that finally pushed my big red button far too many times, the final straw being after informing me of my lack of patience with my child, the limited time that I spend with my child, she then fills me in on my mother’s doc appointment, that she told my mother that she had raised my child for 5 years and that she should step back. I guess after two years of hearing random “you don’t take care of me’s” and “you don’t give me the things i need” after telling my now 5 year old no, I just got exhausted. I blew up. Maybe I misinterpreted how she meant that statement to my mom, but I’m just damned tired of being insulted by this woman. We aren’t speaking now.(again) it doesn’t feel good,and I feel like I’m on the border of being unforgiving. (I do not like that place). I’m just tired of being the villain maybe.

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions. I appreciate them. I’ve succeeded a little in this goal at work. They sell this great tasting hummus with pretzels, and its addicting. However its $1.99 a pop. i’ve got to find hummus somewhere. i know they have it pre made somewhere.