7daydreamer

Last sept, lifted a bit, made slow progress through semester. Winter semester was write off, thinking about Shannen, just somewhat mildly depressed, was concentrating. Beginning of summer had some progress, then Africa of course. Came back and been at it a bit.

Flat Bench – 155 X 6 reps 90 degrees
BUT warmup was 135 X 15 reps – which is really good

Decline Bench – 175 X 4 reps

One Rep Max – 180 flat bench

So of course flat bench is harder than decline, which I have been doing mostly, and now since I have made progress has been decent. Goal should be 185 X 6 for end of 2009 then only 40 to increase in 4 months.

So…here we are another entry. Still have not gotten back to it, diet wise, school…too much procrastinating, which leads to all nighters, which leads to no groceries and eating out, etc. so gonna clean my place up, clean the fridge out. gonna study this weekend, as much as i can. nice halloween, actually dressed up. zombie, was kick ass. went dancing, did two presentations, skits that were a lot of fun, got to be arnold, having lots of fun. i know to feel better i have to get back into shape, get better marks, accomplish my goals, maybe make some more friends. but there is still that underlying feeling of something missing, i know what that is…feel lonely, no best friend, wasted romantic potential lol, no intimacy. almost end of 2009, has been a wicked year and a lot of growth in me, but some pain too. lets clean this place up. i hope everyone is keeping honest and accomplishing their goals :)

Okay since I gotten back…I have noticed changes in myself, which are easy to see when you go back to an original setting. let’s see i have become more social, but am still myself. i bought a guitar. i havent gotten back into a lot of plusses that were a part of me though, which include organization, sticking to my diet. i have really embraced myself in a lot of ways, but in other ways i havent. i have to read my last entry from my Africa journal. i took a couple of dance classes, which i love. online dating, omg, i got so caught up in finding a meaningful relationship, i spent hours and hours on that site…i think i met some girls that i would have liked, but you know what they were all white, and i think they would not have liked anyone non white, plus i am not a real amazingly good looking guy lol, so that is not gonna work, i just quit that today. my place is a complete mess. i should really just stay on track, try to do what i love, stick to my 43 things, be a bit more social…and i will find my love naturally, or it will come to me. ]
i have to stop thinking about it more and just do my thing. when i think about that i evantually think about Shannen, and my time with her and her bf and how lucky she is to have found him. but then i also think about how different we are now, when i see her with her friends, meet them, are when her facebook status comes up, we are truly different. but i to remember how great a person she is too. she is really close to her family, friendly to everyone, she is volunteering right now, and i have become a lot better because of her, so i think i should make an effort to hang out with her. should i communicate to her that i will never be able to myself around her completely…but the truth is i am truly myself around anyone, i just want to be that intimate with that one person. if our relationship is just going to be friends at almost a formal level, and supporting each other, and stuff like that…then let it be. maybe i should communicate that to her, let me see. but i dont know if she WANTS to really hang out with me, or does she feel sorry for me because she rejected me. i am not sure. but my heart says that she really wants to hang out with me, i will just suppoort her, encourage her, and whenever she says she wants to hang out i will. so man what else is there to it. get to it boy. your on a roll! :)