I have realised something. I am a confrontation avoider extraordinaire. I live in denial. Or in crazy lala-land if you will. It’s not that I am an idiot. I am not. But I am really really good at ignoring red flags and focusing on seeing what I want to see. It’s like I mentally close my eyes, put my hands over my ears and sing lalalalalala until I’ve managed to ignore ignore ignore ignore the issue away. Only it doesn’t really disappear.
He is a lier,completely selfish, only looking out for himself.
I KNOW this, but I am often completely blinded by the confidence, charm, sweet talk that he uses to get what he wants from me and everyone else around him.
Occasionally he shows his true colours in such a way that not even I can ignore it. I get MAD, let him know, and he waits it out because in a day or two I have buried the issue and behaves like nothing’s happened. Every time. Hell, I’ll probably even apologise for getting angry. He’s good at making me feel guilty when he is the one in the wrong. It’s how he gets away with all sorts.
This is ridiculous. I am an adult, not some love-sick little girl. I deserve something real, something genuine, something based on love, not this waste of time situation. If I had a friend, sister, daughter involved in something this pointless I would want to drag her out of it, no matter how much she’d be kicking and screaming at first.
I have to drag myself out of this. I don’t want to, but I so deserve to. I need to put the focus back onto me and save myself.