I'm doing 42 things
what the hell are you thinking? are you guys stupid or what? ive been strugling against myself for the past 5 years to stop cutting and you come up with a goal like this!, i mean im not your mom so do whatever you want but come on! there are actual goals to put on that list dont waste your time and live please!
89xime05's Life List
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1. write a book
1 cheer31,074 people -
2. GET THE PERFECT TAN
2 cheers14 people -
3. finish my book
1 cheer641 people -
4. wake up early
2 cheers732 people -
5. pass my exams
480 people -
6. cry
2 entries . 1 cheer301 people -
7. trust people
3 cheers226 people -
8. get unbored
4 cheers12 people -
9. find the perfect bra
7 cheers191 people -
10. List 100 Things that piss me off, besides not having any money...
2 entries . 1 cheer43 people -
11. stop self-injuring
4 cheers21 people -
12. compile a 100-things-about-me list
8 entries . 3 cheers656 people -
13. Get people to play 2 Truths and a Lie on 43T.
4 people -
14. overcome the fact that i was molested
1 entry31 people -
15. continue being the weird one
1 cheer16 people -
16. Stop cutting
3 cheers641 people -
17. use 10 words to develop a poem and invite others to do the same
4 entries . 2 cheers8 people -
18. leave little messages, quotations,pieces of art etc. for strangers to find
7 cheers206 people -
19. post random questions daily and see if anyone plays with me and answers them :)
17 entries359 people -
20. give cheers to people who needs them
1 entry . 3 cheers1 person -
21. find the perfect shade of red lipstick
1 entry . 3 cheers31 people -
22. save the pandas
1 entry . 3 cheers19 people -
23. read more
3 cheers9,008 people -
24. kiss my best friend
2 entries . 1 cheer30 people -
25. fall in love
1 entry . 4 cheers27,220 people -
26. get a boob job
1 entry . 2 cheers346 people -
27. save money
3 cheers16,395 people -
28. be responsible
1 entry . 4 cheers106 people -
29. get married
1 entry . 2 cheers21,341 people -
30. be stable
1 entry . 6 cheers18 people -
31. be more forgiving
3 cheers243 people -
32. want to live
3 entries . 13 cheers6 people -
33. speak french
1 entry . 1 cheer569 people -
34. understand myself
1 cheer424 people -
35. get rid of my scars
1 entry . 1 cheer135 people -
36. travel the world
3 cheers21,059 people -
37. study more
1 cheer1,456 people -
38. have a car
1 entry121 people -
39. finish school
1 entry1,992 people -
40. feel alive
2 cheers161 people -
41. find my g spot
8 cheers7 people -
42. stop cutting myself
7 entries . 33 cheers269 people
Recent entries
i was seven, he was fourteen; he is my first cousin and we were at grandmas house playing or should i say “playing”. the game was the following: he was the husband, i was the wife and i was sick so he took me and placed me on grandmas bed, he said he was going to heal me so he started kissing me, i remember it felt funny but i was not sure what to do, next thing i know he pulled up my dress and started touching me and putting his fingers inside of me… you know how…., it was hurting me i didnt know what was going on, i just knew it was not right, soon it was over and i just asumed it was a game. that day he (that we used to be colse) stopped talking to me, he actually stopped visiting grandma every sunday.
years passed by and i kept thinking about it but didnt know exactly what to think, then in primary school mom had “the talk” with me, the baby talk, in that moment everything made sense fer me, i had just finished the what the hell happened-puzzle in my mind. it was clear, i had been abused.
i didnt tell my mom but i told a friend, she laughed and told me to stop making things up,so i decided not to tell anymore.
when i was 13 i got sick, im diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so i started going to therapy, i told my doctor and he was very comprehensive, now im still dealing with the fact that i was molested, but dont feel guilty anymore. sometimes i see him in family reunions and i just want to scream: i remember what you did to me! but i am not strong enough, and even if i was it would make my mom really upset and my dad want to kill him,so to save myself from family disasters im not telling them, my only option is someday to tel him i remember everything and make him apologize or something, im still not sure if im ever gonna be strong enough to do it but its my plan for now.
fiihhuu, im glad i took that off my chest!
I woke up, and looked for you, but you weren’t there,
I ended up alone with your absence
The emptiness of your indifference
Just once I tried to accept it
Live my life, forget about you
But you keep destroying my sense of security!
And for me the only thing to do is resign
Resign to be nobody for you
Accept to live under my own shadow
Not listening to my desires for the first time ever,
For the first time and forever…
