89xime05




I'm doing 42 things
 

89xime05's Life List

  1. 1. stop cutting myself
    7 entries . 42 cheers
    228 people
  2. 2. be stable
    1 entry . 7 cheers
    14 people
  3. 3. get married
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    15,875 people
  4. 4. be responsible
    1 entry . 6 cheers
    87 people
  5. 5. save money
    4 cheers
    12,547 people
  6. 6. get a boob job
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    276 people
  7. 7. fall in love
    1 entry . 4 cheers
    21,772 people
  8. 8. kiss my best friend
    2 entries . 9 cheers
    24 people
  9. 9. read more
    3 cheers
    6,492 people
  10. 10. be more forgiving
    3 cheers
    208 people
  11. 11. want to live
    3 entries . 13 cheers
    5 people
  12. 12. speak french
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    451 people
  13. 13. find my g spot
    8 cheers
    5 people
  14. 14. feel alive
    2 cheers
    152 people
  15. 15. finish school
    1 entry
    1,431 people
  16. 16. have a car
    1 entry
    86 people
  17. 17. study more
    1 cheer
    1,172 people
  18. 18. travel the world
    3 cheers
    15,844 people
  19. 19. get rid of my scars
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    119 people
  20. 20. understand myself
    4 cheers
    359 people
  21. 21. save the pandas
    1 entry . 3 cheers
    18 people
  22. 22. find the perfect shade of red lipstick
    1 entry . 3 cheers
    29 people
  23. 23. find the perfect bra
    7 cheers
    198 people
  24. 24. get unbored
    3 cheers
    10 people
  25. 25. trust people
    3 cheers
    180 people
  26. 26. cry
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    294 people
  27. 27. pass my exams
    374 people
  28. 28. wake up early
    2 cheers
    478 people
  29. 29. finish my book
    1 cheer
    455 people
  30. 30. GET THE PERFECT TAN
    3 cheers
    11 people
  31. 31. List 100 Things that piss me off, besides not having any money...
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    37 people
  32. 32. stop self-injuring
    4 cheers
    19 people
  33. 33. compile a 100-things-about-me list
    8 entries . 3 cheers
    629 people
  34. 34. give cheers to people who needs them
    1 entry . 3 cheers
    1 person
  35. 35. post random questions daily and see if anyone plays with me and answers them :)
    17 entries
    317 people
  36. 36. leave little messages, quotations,pieces of art etc. for strangers to find
    6 cheers
    146 people
  37. 37. use 10 words to develop a poem and invite others to do the same
    4 entries . 2 cheers
    8 people
  38. 38. Stop cutting
    5 cheers
    573 people
  39. 39. continue being the weird one
    2 cheers
    19 people
  40. 40. overcome the fact that i was molested
    1 entry
    14 people
  41. 41. Get people to play 2 Truths and a Lie on 43T.
    4 people
  42. 42. write a book
    21,973 people
Recent entries
cut
come on! 2 years ago

what the hell are you thinking? are you guys stupid or what? ive been strugling against myself for the past 5 years to stop cutting and you come up with a goal like this!, i mean im not your mom so do whatever you want but come on! there are actual goals to put on that list dont waste your time and live please!



overcome the fact that i was molested
my story 2 years ago

i was seven, he was fourteen; he is my first cousin and we were at grandmas house playing or should i say “playing”. the game was the following: he was the husband, i was the wife and i was sick so he took me and placed me on grandmas bed, he said he was going to heal me so he started kissing me, i remember it felt funny but i was not sure what to do, next thing i know he pulled up my dress and started touching me and putting his fingers inside of me… you know how…., it was hurting me i didnt know what was going on, i just knew it was not right, soon it was over and i just asumed it was a game. that day he (that we used to be colse) stopped talking to me, he actually stopped visiting grandma every sunday.
years passed by and i kept thinking about it but didnt know exactly what to think, then in primary school mom had “the talk” with me, the baby talk, in that moment everything made sense fer me, i had just finished the what the hell happened-puzzle in my mind. it was clear, i had been abused.
i didnt tell my mom but i told a friend, she laughed and told me to stop making things up,so i decided not to tell anymore.
when i was 13 i got sick, im diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so i started going to therapy, i told my doctor and he was very comprehensive, now im still dealing with the fact that i was molested, but dont feel guilty anymore. sometimes i see him in family reunions and i just want to scream: i remember what you did to me! but i am not strong enough, and even if i was it would make my mom really upset and my dad want to kill him,so to save myself from family disasters im not telling them, my only option is someday to tel him i remember everything and make him apologize or something, im still not sure if im ever gonna be strong enough to do it but its my plan for now.
fiihhuu, im glad i took that off my chest!



write a poem
its about my best friend whom id always been in love with 2 years ago

I woke up, and looked for you, but you weren’t there,
I ended up alone with your absence
The emptiness of your indifference
Just once I tried to accept it
Live my life, forget about you
But you keep destroying my sense of security!
And for me the only thing to do is resign
Resign to be nobody for you
Accept to live under my own shadow
Not listening to my desires for the first time ever,
For the first time and forever…



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