what the hell are you thinking? are you guys stupid or what? ive been strugling against myself for the past 5 years to stop cutting and you come up with a goal like this!, i mean im not your mom so do whatever you want but come on! there are actual goals to put on that list dont waste your time and live please!
89xime05's Life List
1. write a book
2. GET THE PERFECT TAN
3. finish my book
4. wake up early
5. pass my exams
7. trust people
8. get unbored
9. find the perfect bra
10. List 100 Things that piss me off, besides not having any money...
11. stop self-injuring
12. compile a 100-things-about-me list
13. Get people to play 2 Truths and a Lie on 43T.
14. overcome the fact that i was molested
15. continue being the weird one
16. Stop cutting
17. use 10 words to develop a poem and invite others to do the same
18. leave little messages, quotations,pieces of art etc. for strangers to find
19. post random questions daily and see if anyone plays with me and answers them :)
20. give cheers to people who needs them
21. find the perfect shade of red lipstick
22. save the pandas
23. read more
24. kiss my best friend
25. fall in love
26. get a boob job
27. save money
28. be responsible
29. get married
30. be stable
31. be more forgiving
32. want to live
33. speak french
34. understand myself
35. get rid of my scars
36. travel the world
37. study more
38. have a car
39. finish school
40. feel alive
41. find my g spot
42. stop cutting myself
i was seven, he was fourteen; he is my first cousin and we were at grandmas house playing or should i say “playing”. the game was the following: he was the husband, i was the wife and i was sick so he took me and placed me on grandmas bed, he said he was going to heal me so he started kissing me, i remember it felt funny but i was not sure what to do, next thing i know he pulled up my dress and started touching me and putting his fingers inside of me… you know how…., it was hurting me i didnt know what was going on, i just knew it was not right, soon it was over and i just asumed it was a game. that day he (that we used to be colse) stopped talking to me, he actually stopped visiting grandma every sunday.
years passed by and i kept thinking about it but didnt know exactly what to think, then in primary school mom had “the talk” with me, the baby talk, in that moment everything made sense fer me, i had just finished the what the hell happened-puzzle in my mind. it was clear, i had been abused.
i didnt tell my mom but i told a friend, she laughed and told me to stop making things up,so i decided not to tell anymore.
when i was 13 i got sick, im diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so i started going to therapy, i told my doctor and he was very comprehensive, now im still dealing with the fact that i was molested, but dont feel guilty anymore. sometimes i see him in family reunions and i just want to scream: i remember what you did to me! but i am not strong enough, and even if i was it would make my mom really upset and my dad want to kill him,so to save myself from family disasters im not telling them, my only option is someday to tel him i remember everything and make him apologize or something, im still not sure if im ever gonna be strong enough to do it but its my plan for now.
fiihhuu, im glad i took that off my chest!
I woke up, and looked for you, but you weren’t there,
I ended up alone with your absence
The emptiness of your indifference
Just once I tried to accept it
Live my life, forget about you
But you keep destroying my sense of security!
And for me the only thing to do is resign
Resign to be nobody for you
Accept to live under my own shadow
Not listening to my desires for the first time ever,
For the first time and forever…