8va

I’m a size 6 or 8, depending on the brand. I was a 12 two years ago, so this is kind of a slow process.

That totally didn’t happen! I got a handful of people done, but not all. Getting married this summer really ate up all my money.

Well, I just gave up after 3 hours. I’m super depressed about this. I felt SO much better in the 2 weeks I had stopped. I HATE smoking and am trying really hard not to hate myself for being such a spineless cigarette junkie. Ongoing congrats to you folks who are fighting this good fight. I’d do anything to go back and change the decision to have “just one” cigarette. I feel gross all the time, smoking is NOT fun, NOT helpful. It is horrible.

But I’ve gotten myself into a predicament that maybe fellow Allen Carr quitters have an idea about: I did find it easy and exhiliating to quit a few weeks ago, I love Allen Carr’s method, but now that I’ve gone back, and I still REALLY WANT TO STOP, I feel like I’ve undermined the psychology. I read the book again and just couldn’t get it the way I did the first time. I think that part of it is that I feel like such an incredible weakling loser for starting up again that I can’t find the power and courage right now. How do I get that back? Maybe I have to stop obsessing over quitting, maybe I have to wait and gather myself back up. I’m not sure how to do this now, and unlike before, I’m now terrified of stopping.

And you brave people who are holding up through cravings, please keep it up, you’ll be so miserable if you don’t. There really is no such thing as just one cigarette, and smoking really, really, REALLY sucks.