ALLiBSomewhere

It seems like as I moved closer in some ways we grew farther apart. I just want you to know that my feelings haven’t changed and I still adore you. I Love you. Read some of our posts, what happend, do you still feel they wayu did ten months ago? If you feel we are not growing I dont want to hold you back. I don’t want us to fight, I dont want either of us to be upset or unfufilled. Regardless the status of our relationship I will always love you. I have learned so much and realized so much I still need to work on.

I just want to remind you that you are a rare gem and I do treasure you.
xoxo

also.. second thought.. I would like to add.. I need to work on the Four C’s.. http://www.adiamondisforever.com/ring/

FL.. just like Flint’s Love

http://www.shenoadiamonds.com/catalog/Engagement-Ring-Vintage-Antique-Ring-311-Ct-Cut—Round-Diamond-p-99804731.html

exact link, no imposters.

Info..
SKU: 14204596
Color F
Clarity SI-2
Total Carat Weight 2.21
Number of Diamonds 1
Shape of Diamonds Emerald cut
MOUNTING
Color F
Clarity VS-2
Total Carat Weight 0.90
Number of Diamonds 100
Shape of Diamonds Round
Setting Platinum
Price:$..,...-

I miss you soo much…

yes, this is still a goal.. but due to a current back injury, the triathalon will be postponed however Labor day weekend I would like to try and jog a 5k,(3.2miles hopefully my back will be in better condition by next month) and then a 10k(almost 7miles) by mid november.. and hope to set more goals in 2009 yet, by the wend of the year i would like to complete these two even if im the slowest one out there!

More to come on this.. but this is the focus of the next 3 months, June-end of Aug… if anyone has support or details on how they did it and made it! please let me know..

I really Value both my relationships with my parents. Mom and Dad are seperate, and we interact completly different. At times I feel my mom understands me more. Tonight, My dad said something that ment soo much to me.. he said, “You know I’m proud of you Allison”.. I said, “Really..?”(you have to understand I havent finished a lot of my goals and accomplishments and often in some peoples eyes, that makes me unsuccessful or undriven. in my heart i dont thin so, but society helps me think other wise sometimes..) so then Dad replies, ” yes, sweetheart, I’m proud of the woman you’ve become and continue to evlove into.” Just him saying that and meaning it meant to world.

With a dawn of a new day each morning, I am starting to feel like I can take my broken pieces and move forward, I know slowly I will start accomplishing more, and really, be that positive force in society I pray to be, being a light regardless of how small somewhere, somehow..

May these bonds continue to strengthen..

RN.. So much more then Registard Nurse… Secrectly, I think RN.. and it pops in my head.. “READY NOW” You, know I am finally at a point in my life where I am ready to commit to a program and coarse of study with an end result. I know that there are tons of things I will want to do and accomplish but being a compassionate, giving, and talented nurse is one of them. There have been so many times when I just wanted to make someones day, I’m not so sure I will have the gift to be a great nurse, but I certainly want to try. I have always shyed away from medicene and sci.. but i’m going to commit myself to studing more than ever and putting myself in a new enviroment that is not only refreshing but also supportive. I’m moving to AZ from CA in about a month and a half and i’ve never been more terrified about not making it, but comments that people make, like..”well you’ve never been as driven”.. just fuel that desire, deep down I know I can achieve I just have to start following through on my plans of attack and have the support and encouragement to do so in the process. Sigh. One day at a time.

still waiting for this to happen.. you know romance, walking and then just passionate kissing with us getting wet… but no soggy blanket.. ;) xoxo

so while my dear boyfriend just informed me of his 8lb weight loss since the last time he checked, i continue to stuggle.. but i must admit i am getting more in tune with myself and understanding singles.. I am starting to recongize if I grab something out of anger or saddness or .. I am still goin at my Weight Watchers.. I missed my meeting last week due to a doctors apointment, but its very slow and steady.. Im really quite depressed because i want to be so much more active right now and do spinning classes, the ultimate workout, kickboxing, and once again get on my five day rotation of lifting weights, in addition to 6x of 45min car dio a week. I can do it its just slowly adding things back in.. and it will happen.. speaking of back, i injured it at work, and now to even go to the bathroom i am in pain.. short walks seem to help a little.. and someone else suggessted the pool… i will have to go night swimming one night, but make sure no one sees me! im upset with myself because even though 1 yr ago i was only 10lbs lighter then what i am today i had so much more muscle and slowly from trying to get away from a negative enviroment i then let the FEAR of what other people would think or say of me because i wasnt as in shape as them, so that prevented me from going to the gym for quite some time.. now that i really want to power it out, i am not able to even lift the trash without me going into major pain.(L1, L2, L3 bulgin dics, L4, L5& S1 are slipped.. ) which makes things challenging. I just keep telling myself one day at a time. this helps me focus on my nutrition and make sure i am staying within pts and grazing.. keeping that steady stream of nutrients in, vs. fasting then binging.. that cycle is so deadly for me. since i have regular dr visits with back and some other issues they take my blood pressure which is normal, acutally a little on the low side.. dr said not too worry about it being low, unless it drops ten pts, but he also commented on my plus which at rest ranges from 52-57bpm at rest.. which again means that my heart is at least in good health.. my lungs are clear and strong.. so even though i have some major hiccups with my back and other areas of my body that might have a little more jiggle then i like, I know I have a good base, and slowly i am starting to learn more about me and take control back. to anyone else that struggles with weight, and body image, trust me, I know what its like to want to hide, to feel like well shes thinner so she must be prettier.. i have news for ..you.. the inner battle that we struggle will drive you and move you and trust me you gotta shine from within to shine outward… I urge everyone to light their fire and shine baby! comments, suggesstions .. remember.. one day at a time..

he is my friend, my love, and one whom i draw great inspiration from… if my heart could sing it would when i look at him..

reframing, reprograming my mind and thoughts.. finding ways to channel my emotions, and measurements(journaling, weighing, tracking, keeping self accountable) and support, my loved ones, online, people with the a common goal.. informing and being assertive, some people will try and press there ideas or opinons or oh do this instead or here just eat this it wont hurt, but one must learn to kept true to themselves, afterall maybe in the past you or i were pushed around, here take this, or rewarded, or found such comfort in something that doesnt speak back but gives you a feeling, and day by day we can remind ourselves that we can choose to feel in other ways and that we dont have to be pushed into or around by anyone included that self doubt in our heads.

my love.. cant wait to sing our song together again.. you never cease to amaze me. :::soft kisses::

Just wanted to remind him what an amazing young man he is. If I don’t verbalize it enough i want to make it clear I’m thinking about it.
i love you.

I have yet to see my dad for just about 3 months due to my schedule and being restless by the time i get home. i just talked to him tonight and I know he is not pro my new job, in fact he thought i was just on straight commision and doesnt really understand all the work i am doing and the experience gained. Whatever the case, I love him, and as he said he would like to have a “nice chat with me” and wishes it would have happened before i even took the job. I’m glad I didnt seek his approval for the job, however I will listen to his insight, I know it will be paired eye for eye with my sisters amber insight about how i am wasting my time because i am not full time in school.. little do they know this is provoking me to look back into school more and if i wouldnt have experienced it, i may have just mindlessly kept dropping my classes. More to come. Looking forward to giving my dad a hug but no so sure about our nice or not so nice chat..

In my busy days i never want to let this slide. I hope anyone that has an anchor in there life reaches out to them and through the nit picking and small fights the true essence of all that your beloved is and continues to become is admired in awe, just like mr fpj.

I wish i could ripe out my heart and show people just how much it is there from them, not me, and how much it beats for them, how nothing makes me happier then to see them smile and feel at ease. The very people that I care about seem to question this and I feel when that happens I am not good enough, I cant give enough and whats the point of me having this huge heart anyways then. But if i didnt care then I wouldnt be crying right now, and i could just dismiss it all, but I can’t its not me. I’m screwed either way.

i’m trying to adjust!! Still not as early as I would like.. I’m setting my alarm for 3am, usually get up out of bed around 340 and trying to be ready by 445, but still struggling, i have to admit, I’m not getting enough sleep though.. and by the time i get home man am i tired but still more to do.. ill keep you posted..

still daydreaming about it..

I miss my love, and i just want to feel his warm embrace and enjoy each others company for one day, no restraints.. I want to look at him and him feel my joy and I want him to look at me in awe and for us to be so close he can feel each others pluse throughout the day…