I'm doing 43 things
....is it even possible to say that I’ve been on “observe” mode for the last 2years? amazing what you deny or internalize to being something wrong about yourself. maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not doing enough etc. anyone that knows what it is truly like to live with a man with passive aggressiveness, its definition, the fact that you may not be hit physically but emotionally, and stabbed in the heart time and time again.
I haven’t figured out this wife stuff perhaps, I have my own baggage but I’ve worked so damnn hard. I’m not perfect but I have been growing and working on being a better, brighter, loving person.
The last 2years have been hard. this is my second round of depression and being off work. I fought hard to build a life with someone who wanted to be a bystander and point out what wasn’t right. around to pacify and support him, his needs.
we moved 8 times in 14 years. lost a home, filed for bankrupcy, no money, have cars reposessed, have trails of old broken down cars in our driveway, suspended lisences and stickers, pay day loans….....I feel like a HUGE ASS writing this.
for the sake of not wanting a broken home, two parents for our son- now, I can’t even have anymore children.
Yet, through all this I realize its not him, its me in thinking I was deserving of this. I can’t change him only me. i’ve grown, really grown, I know what I don’t want and I am not damaged goods. I am deserving and worthy.
AbiGee's Life List
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1. file for divorce
2 entries9 people -
2. hire a cleaning company
1 cheer1 person -
3. do a mother & son hobby
1 entry . 3 cheers1 person -
4. start oil painting again
1 cheer7 people -
5. volunteer at a retirement home
1 entry . 3 cheers3 people -
6. learn reiki
165 people -
7. travel all over Europe
1 entry . 1 cheer163 people -
8. put my self first
1 entry2 people -
9. be loved unconditionally & know it
1 cheer1 person -
10. learn the power of Now!
1 entry . 1 cheer1 person -
11. improve my credit
1 cheer163 people -
12. have the courage to face the reality of the family I "REALLY" have not the family I believed I had
2 entries . 1 cheer1 person -
13. be a better listener
1 entry754 people -
14. Have an awesomely different life by this time next year
1 cheer127 people -
15. move on with my life
1 entry50 people -
16. finally choose between design or counselling as a career
4 entries1 person -
17. buy albums for my photgraphs
1 entry . 1 cheer1 person -
18. develop a website for the idea I have
2 cheers1 person -
19. allow myself to own my feelings & nuture my needs around not being able to ever have anymore children
2 entries1 person -
20. learn feng shui
1 entry . 1 cheer94 people -
21. Believe in myself
2 entries . 1 cheer1,186 people -
22. decorate my house
1 entry400 people -
23. lose 15 lbs
1 entry565 people -
24. be content with my life
1 entry . 2 cheers41 people -
25. stop worrying about what others think of me
1 entry . 4 cheers100 people -
26. eat healthier
1 cheer10,132 people -
27. get a small tattoo
2 entries . 2 cheers51 people -
28. surround myself with more positive, supportive, ambitious people
1 entry . 10 cheers1 person -
29. keep in touch with friends
3 cheers706 people -
30. pray more & worry less
3 entries . 5 cheers1 person -
31. drink more water
5 entries . 4 cheers18,976 people -
32. have a good laugh everyday!
1 entry . 2 cheers2 people -
33. stop talking & start doing
1 entry . 3 cheers4 people -
34. own 5 dogs
2 entries2 people -
35. make videos on You Tube
2 cheers1 person -
36. learn to play the drums
1 cheer1,937 people -
37. be financially independent
1 entry . 2 cheers1,553 people -
38. become a psychologist or designer
3 entries . 1 cheer1 person -
39. take more photographs
1 entry . 3 cheers1,704 people -
40. ask for help
2 cheers30 people -
41. learn to trust
2 cheers409 people -
42. pay my bills off & on time every month
1 entry . 3 cheers1 person -
43. exercise 3-5 times a week
4 entries . 4 cheers11 people
How I did it: Such a freeing process...from old clothes that don't fit anymore, toys, magazines (I dropped off at a walk in clinic waiting room!), shoes etc.All the boxes filled with old bills and papers that I've moved with 4 times!! gosh.... I'm soooo HAPPY! Now, I'm going to slowly tackle the basement and garage (hubby has to get involved in that one- lol) Read how I did it…
How I did it: Visit a Bath & Body shop. Experiment with massage/aromatherapy oils, see which ones smell the most calming to you and buy some tealights and a burner.Check out your local bookstore for meditation CDs; the good thing is you can listen to it before you buy.Plan your evening, have a nice warm bath or shower, turn off all the things that may distract you.Get comfortable and try to relax. With practice it becomes easier to shut your m… Read how I did it…
no progress, forgetfullness, no ambition, blaming, EXTREME passive- aggressiveness, cruel comments, neglect, ignoring, parenting by intimidation, being negative, everyone is an idiot, isolation, no gifts or celebrations for birthdays, anniversaries, christmas just excuses, no dinners, no help, watches hours of tv, no praise, acknowledgement, no support, no understanding just give give give him…..............i’m done
went to my first dog show today. serious business. groomers, bathers, all the different breeds of dogs and their traits. was very interesting to watch. kinda felt sorry for some of the dogs caged, and handled every which way just to get the right stance or fluff & spray their hair. all in all, they dogs were gorgeous! like my goal says, i could own tons of dogs, of all sizes and breeds. i just love them!!!!!
