I can’t believe I finally finished this! It was worthwhile only because I did it for love!
I can’t believe I finally finished this! It was worthwhile only because I did it for love!
God help me, I’ve just finished the fifth of the (gulp!) seven books. I hope I survive the next two so I can get back to reading good books again.
Just finished reading “The Wastelands” – what a lousy book. But I love my husband enough to overcome it. He says the next one is better…
Alex has been freaking out when we go for long walks – he waits until he senses we’ve gone as far as we’re going then starts shrieking as soon as we are headed home. He’s 23lbs now and carrying him a mile or two is not something I want to do unless we’re fleeing the Nazis or a volcano or something.
So yesterday we walked for about forty five minutes around and around the same block.
It was actually quite nice. He yelled at some squirrels, watched a lady swinging on a porch swing, and got so excited about someone’s sprinkler that we had to park there for ten minutes or so the third time around the block. At first he would clap every time the water went back upward. Then he wanted ME to clap too and scolded me until I did it with him. So we were both clapping to beat the band every time the sprinkler peaked. At that point I saw one of the neighbors watching from the window and from her angle I wasn’t sure she could see the stroller. Oh well, at least I got my walk.
I’ve been trying harder to cook at home – grilled cheese sandwiches have been my salvation! We get dark German wheat bread and sharp cheddar cheese to make them taste more grown-up. Sometimes we even put spicy mustard on them. And I cut up apples and heat tomato soup. The whole process takes about ten minutes and Alex likes to eat them too! When he gets older I will use a cookie cutter to turn them into shapes for him! The whole meal including “upscale” cheese, bread, soup & fruit costs about $7 for the three of us. We used to spend twice that on take-out and another two dollars on baby food! Hope I can figure out something else to make before we get sick of it!
Just helped the nicest young couple get through settlement WITHOUT their lender present!!! What a terrible afternoon – I’m just glad they ended up with the house and they’re happy. The title clerk and I spent the whole time going through documents and calling the bank to clarify things. But they got the house for a net of almost $15,000 less than it appraised for – so all is well that ends well, I guess!
By some miracle I returned the inter-library loan book that I checked out last week and managed to get back to the library with husband and Alex in tow!!! We got all the way to the far end where daddy gets books-on-CD to listen to while pushing the stroller when I’m at work.
Then it started.
Alex’s high tech stroller has a little console with a steering wheel, turn signals, etc. for him to play with. Most of the time he ignores it or pulls off the rear view mirror and smites himself in the head with it to get our attention. Today, inexplicably, he suddenly started honking his horn! It is REALLY loud. We tried to deter him but it wasn’t going to happen. Once again we had to flee the library with only what we’d grabbed so far which for dad was a book-on-CD about the Ladies No.1 Detective Club (a book I LOVE but that he might not like so much) and me with “The Price of Motherhood” a diatribe by an economist about how women & families are finacially penalized because of parenting. Sounds like it may ring true but WHAT A DOWNER! Oh well, at least we have a bit of brain stimulation and they didn’t actually ask us to leave although we sensed a certain coolness from the librarian.
Makes life easier when you can find everyone on the go!
Yesterday we went to the vet with our oldest dog for about the hundredth time in these last few years of his life. Seems like we’ve gone there a million times to help him live longer and more comfortably.
Yesterday we went so that the vet could put him to sleep.
I know he was very very old and had some health problems that money can’t fix (no matter how often we told them it was no object). I know he was uncomfortable and often confused and unhappy. And I know that it would have been unfair to subject him, in his vulnerable state, to the obsessive and often painful love of a baby who is about to start crawling and is intensely interested in him.
It was still unbearable to watch the light go out of his sweet eyes.
I had an Open House today for my one remaining listing that hasn’t sold this summer in spite of thousands of dollars of marketing and many improvements the wonderful owners put in. We just did a very nice price reduction and today the buyers wanted to know why!!! So do I!!! I priced it the other way in the first place for a REASON! Oh dear – this property needs to sell soon so I can help my clients move. I have never had such a tough time finding a buyer for a really nice house in a good school district!
Okay, so we bought lots of beautiful healthy groceries!
Then we brought them home and I immediately devoured one of every piece of fruit in the bag – whether ripe or not. Had a huge tummy ache.
Then the next day I went back to my usual habit of eating nothing but yogurt, English muffins with outrageous amounts of butter & grilled cheese sandwiches with the occasional foray into spaghetti (and cup after cup of store bought coffee, of course).
I must somehow force myself and the family to prepare and sit down to a nice meal.
Today we sat down & read his three favorite books twice in a row each. He was very pleased about it! He can turn the page if you ask him to, and he can point out which bear is the daddy even though if you ask him where HIS mommy is he will not point me out! We had a nice time and he kept leaning over to give me a kiss and bite my leg.
If money were no object (or if getting pregnant were free) in a heartbeat we would have at least one more baby. But as things are it is difficult to imagine leaving Alex to go to the fertility doctor forty-five minutes away twice each week. Not to mention the cost of the doctor and the nanny while I’m gone and the fact that those are hours I should spend earning money. But I’m the kind of person who says, “If we want this – if it is important to our family- then we have to make it work!” I just wonder if “making it work” would turn out to be at Alex’s expense. Or if we spend the time away from him, the money, etc. and I don’t get pregnant. The whole thing is just so demoralizing. Infertility is really unfair. With any other medical problem my (very expensive) health insurance would help out.
Alex is now 22lbs, 30” long and can’t walk or crawl yet. I feel almost worse when I’m NOT carrying him since one side of me seems to have stretched out longer than the other to compensate! Plus, having extra pounds on me still, it feels funny to walk around like I’m studying ballet or something. But I notice that any effort in this area seems to make me feel better physically & mentally, so today will be the day I don’t slouch at all!
I actually picked up the book I ordered through inter-library loan before they sent it back to Haverford again! It looks like a good one, so I’m looking forward to reading it asap!
Alex & I went to school to visit Daddy during his lunch break today! We brought him some iced coffee. The other teachers made a big deal over us which was sort of nice & sort of embarrassing.
Alex spent nearly the whole time trying to take the straw out of the coffee and crowing at the ceiling fans. He wasn’t so impressed to see his Daddy but sometimes I think he doesn’t always remember he’s gone during the day now – sometimes he wants to look for him around the house.
It was nice and obviously a really big deal to the husband even though it wasn’t that hard to pull off. We should do this again one day if I don’t have too much work going on!
It’s hard to encourage him to run off to class as soon as he gets home from work, and the days I have the strength to encourage him he doesn’t feel motivated to go after missing Alex all day and knowing he’ll be sleeping when he comes home. I need to find a way to help him stay on track. Money is tight so I can’t offer him a big present, and of course if he’s working on getting shape for his purple belt I can’t reward him with food. I guess we may have to arrange for something else I have that he wants…
Okay, I just changed this goal from “try to make him think I read them” to actually READ these horrible books! I am now beginning my THIRD attempt to survive them – I’m in the middle of the third one (just past the spot where I tapped out the first three times). I am going to make this happen so I can put this behind me! I’m a good reader – I’ve even read “War and Peace” several times and enjoyed it thoroughly. These books just make me want to gnaw my own leg off. He makes a big deal that HE read MY favorite book – but everyone knows that “Stranger in a Strange Land” is GOOD! And besides, it’s one short book, not thousands of pages of melodramatic, self-congratulatory…ooops! One of my other goals is to complain less so I’d better stop here!
My first entry on this goal was about a client who had a home inspection – today she made settlement on that house! It was a great experience: the seller had left the house in gorgeous condition, the mortgage was exactly as agreed, everyone was very friendly, my client even brought her dad to settlement which was really nice! She got the house she wanted at the price she wanted, repairs done as she wanted, and a great mortgage rate so I have to say that this one counts as helping someone find a “dream home”! Wish they were all just like this!
I love Alex more than should be allowed. Sometimes an evil part of me wishes he would never grow up and be too cool for me or move away or have another woman in his life who he loves most of all! Here are the pros and cons of having another baby:
- Less time & money to lavish on Alex!
- How in the world can I reasonably compensate our heaven-sent part-time nanny to care for more than one child and still manage to keep a roof over our heads?
- Less time & money to lavish on my husband!
- Fertility treatments are expensive & time-consuming!
- Adoption is expensive & time-consuming!
- I know this one sounds shallow but: I may indeed have a heart attack or something if I have to gain and lose fertility treatment and pregnancy weight again. How much can one body take? And how long can I keep daddy hypnotized so he doesn’t notice me waxing and waning?
- Another BABY!
- A bigger family!
- Someone for Alex to love and teach and argue with!