Since we’ve moved, I’ve been doing Flylady’s 31 beginner’s babysteps. It’s day 6, and I have:
Dressed to shoes (Well, Crocs, but they do tell my brain it’s time to work!).
Identified hot spots in the making and cleared them.
Unpacked another box.
Shined my sink (sort of; it’s plastic, it doesn’t really shine, but I cleaned it).
Told myself “I do whatever I set my mind to do” over and over again.
On Monday, I had to pick up my duahgter in the middle of the day because she didn’t feel well. I took her out, and some seven or eight kids were standing by the fence waving goodbye to her. So she does have other friends…
I will always pay more than I have to and pe paid less, because I can’t bargain.
Which is 2nd night of sleep training.
Tonight DSO’s daughters were over, and I decided to do the same thing, but with 2 minutes instead of 5.
It was a horrible night. It seemed like he cried all night. Also my oldest woke up scared and wanted to sleep in my bed and I couldn’t let her. My baby boy didn’t ask me to pick him up anymore. In a way, it breaks my heart: yey for me, I broke his spirit; he no longer counts on me to comfort him. But with the final purpose of this being what it is, I also see it as a sign of progress. Not that I can share this bit of optimism with my SO. Who is a borken man, and went to sleep at 9pm.
He went to sleep in the girls’ room (they’re not sleeping over tonight). I hope he’ll have a quiet night. He edeserves it: even if I do complain about him a little lately, he is a wonderful man and a wonderful father and I want him to be happy.
I’m doing Flylady’s 31 beginner babysteps since we’ve moved, and today has been day 5. My assignment today was to identify the negative voices in my head, to write down what they are saying, reverse it and say nice things to myself. I did it, and it was interesting: all the reasons why I’m a bad mother, a bad partner in a relationship, and will never be organized. Then I turned it around: it’s not true. I am a good mother, I’m trying hard to be a good partner, and I will be organized, and everyone in the house will sleep eventually, because I do whatever I set my mind to do! I wrote that down to tell myself twice a day.
I do whatever I set my mind to do.
Yesterday, my love admitted to me that he was anxious about the coming night. I couldn’t say anything to comfort him – except that I had a plan, and it will work, but it takes time, etc.. I suggested then that we skip the rest of the week phase that I had decided to give my boy to get used to the new bed and the new room, and skip to the sleep training phase. I decided that moving to a seperate bed did not affect his sleep (not that it could get much worse anyway), and that it was ok to continue. So I did. He cried from about 00:45 to 2:15, preventing every possibility of sleep. I did the “5 minutes system”, where I wait for 5 minutes before I go to see him, and then comfort him without taking im out of bed (and in my peculiar case – without getting into his bed). Poor baby couldn’t understand why I woudln’t pick him up!
I feel so sorry for my little boy, and I feel so sorry for my big man. This is hard.
Between two nights and two weeks. I just know it.
Sleeping with my kids was great, especially since it was just me and them. I also believe that it’s a good way, but I don’t want to get into the family bed debate here. The truth is, my son never slept well, and still doesn’t, and he’s 20 months old. I kept telling myself that still, it’s easy to calm him down when he’s in bed with me, I don’t have to get up! But in all honesty, I don’t know if he would have slept better in his own bed. I was aware of that, but decided not to try.
What really got me to try it, was moving in with my SO. He just couldn’t sleep and I feel so bad for him. I put the kids in their own room and in their own beds. I filled my son’s bed with pacifiers and put a non-spill bottle of water in too. It’s been two night now.
First night, he cried a little, but before I went to see him, he found a pacifier and went back to sleep. Later he cried for water, I gave him the bottle, he drank and got back to sleep. Later he cried because he got stuck under the barrier that’s supposed to stop him from falling… bottom line he never once cried becasue he was alone! That was of very little comfort for DSO who couldn’t sleep all night, but I felt encouraged.
Second night was terrible. I spent half the night in my son’s bed. DSO is devastated.
I have a plan. I will let him get used to his room and his bed for a week; then I will start letting him cry for a few minutes at a time. I hate it but it works. I believe my plan will work, but it’s going to be a difficult week. Actually two or three weeks. I know it will work!
I’m addicted to self pitty. When things go well, I can manage it. When things start falling apart, I start imagining the worst and telling myself the worst things about myself. Again and again, the bigger the pain the bigger the twisted satisfaction I get out of it. I’m sick, I know, but at least I admit it, right? (RIGHT?)
Ok, plan: it’s easy to “be off” self pitty when things are good. I have to get over it now. And fast, becasue there’s a big risk that things will get better again soon… 8)
1. I will keep doing the things that make me feel good and that should get me over the hard time. I will run, I will walk, I will sing, things that pump me up with anti-depressants without having to take a pill; I will take my kids outside for walks, I will stick to my plan of making things better dispite lack of faith in said plan by some people.
2. I will practice three times a day at saying nice things to myself: “Almog, you are a nice person. Almog, you are worthy of affection. I, for one, have faith in you and your plan”. And every time I look in the mirror I will tell myself: “I like your hair do!” 8)
I will start immediately!
struggle with my diet.
struggle with being organized.
have bad teeth.
I can struggle, I do struggle, but I will never change.
In fact, they are about half the people you know! There is no mistery. You just have to listen. We are no more different from you (men), than you are from us.
more help? – I suggest the following links:
Especially since I was pregnant at the time, but I had had enough and wasn’t going to take it anymore. It helped me re-gain my self esteem and claim my life back. My oldest daughter was 3 at the time, she took it very well. My youngest was born into this and they are both very happy kids. A year later I’ve met someone new and he makes me very happy and the kids adore him (of course he doesn’t replace their father, they now have a father they love and another man they love). Doesn’t seem so crazy now, HUH? 8)
I will never be outgoing. I will never be simple. I will never be calm. I need to accept that.
It’s two days into the new preschool, and my eldest already has a new friend! Am I bursting with pride? – oh no. I have never felt such negative emotions towards such a little boy. He is going to be an emotionally abusive husband one day. He nevr smiles; why she likes him – I can’t tell. Maybe she felt lonely the first day, and he gave her attention. Every time she refuses to do something he wants her to do, he threatens her that he won’t love her. She is truly torn. Worst of all, she starts to adopt his complaining tone of voice. If he is strong enough, he can prevent her from making other friends. I’m really worried.
I went to learn a well-paid profession instead of something interesting that I’m good at. Now I have a job that I don’t like, am not particularly good at, and it’s no longer as well-paid as it used to be – especially not for people who are not particularly good. I advise against it!
1. keep writing my book, keep my job.
2. in a few years, when the kids are older and I have more free time, go back to school to learn something I really like, this time around. Get a master’s. I will be the oldest student in class. I’ll do it while working.
3. By the time I’m finished with that, I have to know what I want to do next. Stay in the university / write / something else.
You know what I’m doing, I’m writing a long-short-story. I tend to be too lazy about developing characters and relationships. Everything happens too fast and it’s all reduced to a parable. But it’s a good thing to notice it. I’ve never noticed the difference in technique. Now I think I know what I need to work on.
For some reason I cannot explain, picking up the phone and making a doctor’s appointment is very hard for me, both for me and my children. And then I sometimes forget them (mine, not the children’s). I feel bad about it, I have to get better at this.
Many people don’t know that. They think it’s “calm”, if they only listened! It’s exciting and bursting with energy and emotion.
I’m not saying everyone should like it, or try it. I just believe that some people may enjoy it as much as I do, but they don’t know it.
My children don’t know it’s uncool to be utterly enthusiastic about something. I dread the day they will find out, being put down by other children. I wish I could stop that from happening.
By the way, why is it that in our culture we assume so many times that if something is easy and fun with children, then it must be wrong, and if something is hard, then it must be the right thing to do?
I’m trying the FLYLady thing. My home is a mess, and all I can do is try to keep it from becoming worse. I forget appointments, I procrastinate bills, I am a complete mess. I don’t know where to even start. It’s like my whole life is tied in a big knot and I have to slowly start tracing the thread.
I’m moving in soon with someone very organized. I know we will have many arguments over this. But I also know that he understands me. Many people (e.g. some parents or other) look at my house and see mess, they don’t see the efforts I’ve been making. He sees. I hope to learn from him and continue and build routines for keeping my house in order, and later my bills, my finances, my work, my mind. I’m optimistic!