Amanda Riley

Well, I didn’t get into grad school and I decided I no longer want to pursue an academic career. It’s a bit too stifling for me. But unfortunately, I can never really decide what I WOULD want to do (besides creative pursuits that won’t really keep me fed and sheltered). So instead of looking for a job immediately after graduation last month, I gave myself some space and freedom to do whatever I felt like. I am so grateful I can afford to do that for a while because of my family.

But anyway, it has been the most amazing month ever. One thing I really need to work on is my social life though, but that will come in time once I get myself out into the world again. But I do have a few friends that I went to a couple of concerts with and vegan events, and I love them so much! All of that stuff made me really happy. But most days I just stay in my room by myself and work on things, just whatever I felt like. I worked on my French and computer programming skills a bit at first. Then I started a vegan 1-minute video channel on YouTube. I also started putting together a jacket made from old jeans I would have to throw out soon if I didn’t find a use for them. And most importantly, I’ve been playing my guitar a lot (hoping to take lessons again soon because I am a bit stunted in my skill building)... but I actually covered someone’s song whom I really admire, and they loved it! I am also nearly done with my first three original songs, which I was never able to do before. I also learned to cook a few cool new meals, like macaroni and cashew cheese, which is SO GOOD!

All that in a month! Wow! I forget how short of a time it’s been but that is really good. Anyway, I will probably continue to work on all of those things, except maybe the jacket, because it turns out gaining sewing skills from the ground up and doing a complex project isn’t as easy as it sounds!

But today all of those random activities paid off. I was thinking about all the stuff I love and spend my time on, and I remembered Guide to Good—the nonprofit that I’ve wanted to start for the past 4 years. And I figured out that my calling is to make this, as a website that inspires people with meaningful art, events, people, and organizations, in addition to helping underprivileged people find their way to make their mark. Eh, I’m not sure, but I feel really inspired.

I’ve enjoyed this so much that I think I am going to continue this freedom indefinitely by getting a crappy job at a shop or something, that will not require extra thinking when I go home. (I really don’t care about luxuries so I’m good with a minimum hourly wage. I literally just need rent, food, and internet!) Then I am going to work on all this stuff until it pans out. Something may change at some point, but I am not going to worry about it now in this moment!

Woo, so I just finished my educational responsibilities yesterday, I’m thinking forever. I did not get into graduate school, but I have already decided that was for the best because I am probably poorly suited for an academic career.

I have been very uncomfortable with this position in my life because I am currently not in a financially stable position or close to attaining one. Very quickly, let me just get out some things that are bugging me about myself and my life:
1.) I have no job and no job prospects in the near future… and I am really not at all sure of what I want to do with my life.
2.) Actually… there are several things that I would love nothing more than to dedicate my life to them, but none of them are things I am likely to get paid for… especially enough money to live off of in the long term.
3.) I am dependent on my parents because I get food and shelter from my mother, and my father pays for my car insurance and cell phone.
4.) I have very poor social skills… not good at public speaking or interviewing, and significant trouble connecting with people on an emotional, individual level, which I know is going to make it much harder for me to get a job, not to mention keep me without enriching friendships and relationships.

Some of these negative feelings are being reinforced by the people around me. For example, my parents are very fond of criticizing me for depending on them, and for not being interested in jobs that have a relative guarantee of financial stability. However, I am inclined to pay more attention to messages from positive people who are living contented lives. I am grateful to my parents for sustaining me, but I do not want to grow up to share their cynicism and perpetually unsatisfying lifestyles. So, here are some reasons I have to be grateful for my life:

1.) Most importantly… it’s a GOOD thing that I am not like the mainstream people in society, even if some of it is lost strengths. I am already much more dedicated to my health, happiness, and integrity than most people my age, and lots of people much older than I am. This is a good thing, and it’s not necessary to compromise these things. It’s better to proactively seek out opportunities that are in line with them.
2.) Even if it’s over, my academic career was very successful. I graduated with a >3.9 GPA, with a senior thesis and other psychological research experience, Honors College and Honors-in-Psychology distinction, two useful minors with high GPAs (CS and English), and a psychology award. I also scored very well on the GREs, so I can always apply to graduate school again as long as it’s within the next 4 years. These things may serve me well or may not, but at the very least they prove that I am capable of sticking to a goal for a long time and achieving it with flying colors.
3.) I have a wide variety of interests and skills that enable me the freedom to go into many different fields. Even though this makes decisions harder, it makes it more likely that I will hit upon the perfect fit for what I should be doing with my life.
4.) I may not have a job, but I do have enough money saved up to pay for a couple of months’ rent while I look for one.
5.) I may not have perfect social skills, and I may have many other flaws too, but looking back on who I was at 17 or 18, I have come SO far. I have gotten so much better at everything that matters and I have become so much less fearful and more open to new experiences and different kinds of people. I have also learned to be a better activist and vegan, and picked up many new skills from both formal and informal education. I may not have made the most of my time for making friends, but I definitely made the most of it in other ways.
6.) It’s actually a good thing that I’m not set into one career right now. I can literally be anything I want, well, within reason based on my skill set, but I think I could adapt to most kinds of careers because of my varied experiences. I’m doing all the right things now by keeping up with events and groups that interest me, getting out there and discussing important topics, etc. This WILL lead to good things, I’m sure.

I don’t want to spend too much time on this, just wanted to prove to myself that I’m in a GOOD spot in my life now, not a bad one. Yay!

I think this is truly working. Right now I am somewhat focused on getting my BA because I am graduating in May. I am also interested in getting into a PhD program, so I have been working on that. You would think those would constitute goals and ruin my living in the moment. But actually I have changed my outlook about how to go about it.

Instead of seeing grad school admission and a college degree as huge goals I have to achieve, I just pay attention to that one task I have to do at the moment. So instead of worrying about the 10 Java programs I have to write, I just worry about the one that is due next week. Instead of worrying about running 90 participants for my psychology study, I just worry about the 5 I have to run that day. And instead of worrying about being impressive overall to graduate schools, I worried about each interview and each task as it came up. I haven’t gotten burnt out at all, and now I’ve been rewarded with spring break and my applications/interviews are done! (And it’s out of my head now until I get my decisions back.)

Other than those big goals, I have tried to avoid having others. But I am doing whatever interests me. So a lot of the time, that is music, so I listen to it a lot when I have the time and I practice playing when I can too. Also, I am taking a few online courses because I enjoy them, but I am not particularly worried about finishing them. It’s just for fun, no pressure. I also just started an internship with a vegan nonprofit, which requires a certain level of commitment because other people are depending on me, but I am just seeing it as a fun new experience.

I’m not sure if this is the reason, but I have been VERY happy this year. Very happy. I can still be a little irritable occasionally when a bunch of things go wrong, but most days I have been quite pleasant to be around. I’ve been enjoying nature SO much more, even just the sky. I have been seeing the good in everything and it makes me really happy. And even most bad things that happen to me, I have been taking positively. Like, I no longer get upset if someone is rude to me, but I try to assume they were having a bad day, and a couple of times (but not every time) I have actually turned around someone’s rude behavior! I only very rarely have had to cultivate this attitude purposely; usually it feels natural now. Yay!

1.) My senile grandmother is moving back into her house with my aunt, who has more time to deal with her.

2.) My sister and stepsister both broke up with their annoying boyfriends, so now we are all single and can hang out without boys. (Okay these are kinda cynical but they really did make me happy.)

3.) I witnessed a hilarious Facebook prank today involving TONS of cat photos on a specific friend’s wall (who hates cats).

4.) I have been playing guitar every day, improving at it.

5.) I found a lovely group of kids who have a band that I can sing for, which will give me the opportunity to get used to singing in front of friends and strangers, as well as recording and finding a rhythm.

6.) Just by forcing myself to go out and do things when I am invited or when I hear about something that interests me, I have greatly decreased my social anxiety, fear of driving, and lots of other fears about new situations.

7.) I got an interview for two graduate schools and may still get the last one I applied to. Even if I don’t get in or decide not to go, I will get to see two cities I have never seen before! And if I DO go, I will learn a lot more about one of my favorite topics and have the opportunity to go into a career that makes a real difference in disadvantaged communities.

8.) Over the break I volunteered with Democracy Now!, which was a great experience because I got to meet like-minded people, listen to some important world/political news, and feel like I was helping out an important organization.

9.) Also over the break (these are technically 2011 but whatever), I got to see my FAVORITE band, the Bouncing Souls, four nights in a row, enjoy time with old and new friends, in a place that I find really inspiring, and it made me remember my dreams and the possibilities to achieve them.

10.) Even though I can’t see the Bouncing Souls every night of my life, I can surround myself with music (including theirs) anytime I want. And then a few nights a year, I get the special joy of seeing it in person.

11.) I’ve been transcribing interviews for a communist organization, and although I’m not sure I’m a communist, I do like hearing different viewpoints critiquing capitalism and I have learned from that.

12.) I got to eat at two awesome vegan restaurants this year, and their food makes me feel VERY happy. I am going to try more when I visit new cities.

13.) I have been living more in the moment and discovering what truly makes me happy. That is now my only goal!

14.) I am getting closer to my friends and family that I estranged myself from when I was in an abusive relationship last year.

15.) I’m 21—the greatest age in the world!

16.) I have my health and everything else I need to survive.

17.) Bouncing back from my relationship-induced depression last year, I feel happier than ever. And I am trying to keep my emotions more balanced so that I don’t have another crash later on.

18.) I really am not as worried about doing certain things or achieving certain goals as I have been at other points in my life. Wanting to be that way is one thing, but being truly ready for it is something to be happy about.

19.) Everyone in my life is pretty happy with their lives right now, and it makes me happy to see that, particularly since I am happy myself and want to preserve it by being around positive people!

20.) I may be going out to dinner this week with three friends I barely get to see but I really love.

That’s all for now. Hope to be able to do this more often!

Well, eliminating goals is pretty much the essence of this “goal” anyway. But the easiest thing, which I’m starting with, is to remove all records of the goals in your head. I am now free of other goals on 43 Things (except “be more positive,” which I think is worth doing, it’s abstract, and I think it goes hand in hand with living in the moment)... AND I am deleting the many lists upon lists of goals, to-do lists, and bucket lists that I have saved on my computer. I am a bit of a list maniac actually, and it ends here. I don’t even feel bad deleting them, so I think I am finally ready to do this. And the cool thing is, my documents folder is almost completely uncluttered when I take away all goal-related ones!

I thought having goals and making lists was a good thing. My thought process is, “Ooh, I just thought of something I want to do in my life! Better write it down so I don’t forget!” But the thing is, if it’s forgettable, it’s not worth doing. If something is really a deep desire or wish of mine, it will repeatedly come back to the surface of my thoughts until it’s etched in my brain and something I think about daily. And of course, there should only be a small few of those for a given person. I am already coming up with mine. But the only way really to know who I am and what I love is to stop thinking about it, and go with the flow of what catches my eye or what my heart tells me at any given moment.

So that was a whole bunch of flowery language but it makes total sense to me. I’m soo excited about this goal! And I’m more likely to follow it now that it’s my only goal and I can devote all my time to it (which actually doesn’t take any time at all since it’s a state of mind!)

So I’m feeling really good about my year in music so far. Unfortunately, tomorrow is the last day of my break from school, so it will be a challenge balancing my love for music with my academic responsibilities… but it is my last semester and I tried to plan for it to be easy on me, so let’s hope I have plenty of time and energy for music!

Anyway, I’ve been using Craigslist. Most people are weary of Craigslist, but I think it’s a great tool. I’ve been following the ads for a few weeks, and I’ve posted two of my own ads. I’ve been talking with a bunch of people that haven’t panned out, and had at least one bad experience… there was one guy who “didn’t want any egos” that I was talking to, and apparently I took too long to reply and because I asked if we could meet somewhere closer than 20 miles from me, where he lives, he decided I wasn’t “committed” to music, so he ignored my last email, and I saw that he had reposted his ad with some complaints about “people” that were clearly directed at me.

However, so far I have had two good experiences. The first is a group of kids around my age who started a band a year ago and had their female singer quit a while back. Their songs were pretty good and fit my voice well, so I am going to sing with them. So far I had two practices with them. The only complaint I have is that they are kind of set in with each other so I don’t think there is much room for actual collaboration with them, but just having musicians to sing with a few times a week is very helpful to me at this point. So far, I got to hear myself and I actually like my voice, but I realized that I need to work on my rhythm. I was having trouble figuring out where I was supposed to come in on the songs, I occasionally sped up or slowed down when I wasn’t supposed to, and it also wasn’t easy for me to pick up melodies and rhythms being taught to me. That surprised me because I spend so much of my time singing along to music, and I’ve always felt that I pick up songs quickly, but obviously it takes me longer than I thought and I need some more hands-on practice… though I did find that most of the rhythm problems were solved when I tapped my foot to the beat and stuff like that, now I see why singers/musicians do that, hah.

Then today I met one guy who was pretty cool and just wanted to play acoustic with people. It showed me how much work I need on guitar! All I could really do was play open chords to a boring rhythm while he improvised over them. I am definitely going to practice more and try to learn more interesting techniques.

Anyway, the important thing is that I keep playing on my own. And I have played guitar every day of the year so far I think! (I might have missed one day, I’m not sure.) I need to figure out what to practice to improve most, but at least I am keeping up my calluses. And I should give myself more credit, because I have actually learned a few new standard chord progressions, and I can fudge my way now through 3 or 4 songs that I couldn’t before. I am staying inspired by listening to lots of music and watching videos, which makes me try to play along with them. Also, I found that what inspires me surprisingly is watching people with low or intermediate skills play songs on YouTube. It reminds me that music is about passion, and you don’t have to be perfect to share your playing with others. Now let’s hope I work up the courage soon!

I went to Home for the Holidays from December 27-30, which consists of four shows in a row by the Bouncing Souls. It was amazing. They are my favorite band ever. They play really upbeat music that makes most people feel awesome (some people don’t like it, but I don’t know what’s wrong with those people :D). They always try to switch things up a bit because they know there are lots of fans who go to all four shows every year. This year they got a Bingo machine and supposedly filled it with ping pong balls with every one of their songs on them. Then they had their friend pick them out to create a set list, and he would write it on a white board often with a funny illustration. It made things even more fun.

But what really inspires me is the way that, unlike other musicians, the Bouncing Souls make you feel like you’re just like them. Like, we all love music, we all have the same optimistic outlook, and we all have the power to do what they do if we just try. I don’t know, maybe they don’t really think that, but it seems like they do. Even when they are signing autographs, they don’t seem condescending.

We all stayed in this hotel, and the singer was also staying there. One day, while my friends were talking and I had gone off to mess around with the lobby piano, he came over to me and wanted to know what I was playing. He was on his way out, but he spent a couple of minutes playing with me. It was really sweet and it made me feel good.

Anyway, I don’t know, being so immersed in music for a few days, and feeling so close to my favorite band, it really reinforced my wanting to play more music this year. I’m not trying to be exactly like them because I know I can’t be. But I want to follow my heart and write songs about it, the way they do. Let’s hope it lasts.

Spending money on material goods did not make me happy.

Hoarding my money away into an account that was never touched did not make me happy.

Spending a reasonable amount of money on lots of satisfying experiences DID make me happy.

I would advise you to follow my experience.

Yeah, so if going to “hangout” places like bars, or trying to make friends with coworkers/classmates hasn’t been working for you, stop trying.

I strongly suggest brainstorming about what kind of interests your ideal friend would have, and then going out and finding groups of those people. I personally want vegan, compassionate activist friends, so I went to a bunch of different vegan social groups (composed of all people who want to make friends), and I also volunteered and talked to people there. I am also into music, so I am meeting musicians through Craigslist to play together, which can help develop friendships too.

I suggest using Craigslist and meetup.com, but remember to meet people in a public place for the first time!

All this time I’ve been thinking, “I have to be a good guitarist, writer, and singer, and then I can let people hear my solo music, and THEN I can think about joining a band.”

But I posted an ad and started looking around Craigslist, and there are actually a lot of people who either: already write songs for their bands and need a singer (or new singer); or, are just looking to play music informally and do not care about your skill level.

However, I think my singing skills are up to par. I can’t vouch for the beauty of my voice, but I do know that I can hold a tune (and an online tone deaf test confirms that :D). And there is no good or bad style, there are just matches and mismatches. I have to find a band or partner whose style suits mine. But singing is something I have always done. And I mean, if someone wanted to do a cover show of my favorite songs, I could do it tonight and be awesome.

The only thing is my social anxiety. I have trouble speaking in public, but singing is something I really enjoy and my confidence is growing from sharing my voice with people and having them tell me they want me in their project. The way I see it, I will get comfortable singing in a certain group, and that comfort will carry through to performing in front of others. But, if it doesn’t work, I’ll just keep practicing until I’m comfortable…and if that means I have to switch groups a lot, that’s fine. :D

So far, I found a few people looking to “jam” informally, a couple looking to start up bands, and one band that needs a new singer. I’m playing the field right now, haha.

Yeah, so a lot has changed over this semester of school.

One thing has stayed the same… I can’t stand it when my sister brings her friends here. She broke up with her old boyfriend, but now she brings a bunch of different boys here. (She doesn’t have sex with different boys, but she just likes the attention so she watches movies with them and stuff.) I can’t stand it, and I still find it really inconsiderate that she knows my problems and doesn’t make any effort not to do that. I really want to move out so I don’t have to deal with my unsupportive family, but it’s not like I can afford my own place and I doubt I’d get a roommate that cared. So yeah, I would try to work on my attitude but I have no idea how to control it, so I’ve just been spending all my time in my room. But I’m trying to go out more, it’s just a matter of not trying to be friends with my family.

One other trouble I have now is the train. I took it to school for this entire semester. Now, it seems like I actually have more of a problem with noise and being touched than I do with the actual people. I have no problems being on a crowded train as long as I don’t have to sit next to someone and no one is being loud. But I have serious issues with those two things. I make all these elaborate plans and behaviors to make sure no one sits next to me and to try to find a car where groups of people talking won’t sit. And the whole time I’m on there, it’s all I think about, is someone going to sit next to me, is a chatty group or pair of friends coming to this car? And when they are about to, I try to give them dirty looks and everything to stop them. I think this is partly because I like to use the train for studying and reading, but it’s also in large part because I’m jealous of happy groups of friends. Now, I try to tell myself it’s not a big deal, and do things like listen to my iPod, and that has calmed me down and eliminated my desire for quiet, to an extent. I still get a little freaked out. But this one, I think it is possible for me to get over.

HOWEVER, I have had improvements too. First, I really pushed myself with school presentations and group projects this semester, so I am actually getting better at public speaking and working with others. In one class of about 20, we each have to present an article with a partner. I acted very outgoing with my partner and we planned everything out really well. But I get pretty nervous when I talk in front of people, so I usually can’t stop myself from just reading everything really quickly and not looking up. I felt better though because I could tell my partner was also nervous when she spoke, though she did a better job of interacting with the class. Then I volunteered to do a second one so that the last person didn’t have to present alone. I was really proud of that. I also spoke a little more slowly and acted a little more interactive that time. Then I also had to do two larger group projects (6 and 7 people) in front of larger classes (maybe like 50 people). Those group meetings weren’t that great or interactive, but I think I did an okay job of presenting. In the first one, my shirt got snagged on the podium and everyone laughed, so I think it made me more comfortable. But in both cases, everyone else seemed just as nervous presenting as me. In the second one, everyone read straight from the computer and even mispronounced things, except one girl who was pretty good at it. So I think I was actually second best out of 6 in that case… not bad!

Also, I have been going to events from the vegan group more often. Knowing that everyone there has the same values and interests, and wants to meet more people like me, makes it an easy place to practice mingling. I surprise myself by initiating conversations and feeling VERY comfortable about it. I really enjoy those meetings, and if I keep going, I think I can develop some real friendships. Of course, most of the people there are 10-20 years older than I am, at least 5 years, but it doesn’t seem to be that much of an issue. I guess I am actually more into social groups than most people my age? At least vegan ones…

Finally, I really want to start playing music with people or maybe join a band… for now as a singer, since my guitar skills need a lot of work. So I’ve been posting/looking on Craigslist for musicians, and I actually found a few interested people and even sent them files of my singing. I plan on meeting these people, being outgoing, and forcing myself to sing in public. I think it will be easier since I have already spoken to them online, and I know they like my voice (I don’t have to wonder).

Overall, this has been a pretty good year socially. I still need a LOT of work… I still have social anxiety. But I am pretty impressed with myself, and I am using socializing as a means toward a lot of my other goals, which is probably the best way to socialize. It’s both easier and more appealing this way. So yeah, here’s to a great social year in 2012!

Blah… this is something that I actually enjoy but takes a lot of effort and time. I have the worst luck with those types of activities. Blogging is going down the same road that the guitar and cooking have been going down for years. If I was doing everything I was supposed to, I might not have the time… but the thing is, I don’t do what I’m supposed to. 99% of the time I just waste time online with websites that are neither enjoyable, nor useful, to me. It’s just something that takes no effort and gives the air of being interesting, so it’s the default activity for me to do all the time.

I think the only way I can blog every day is if I do it at a specific time, and force myself to do nothing else at that time every single day. But I’ll also have to keep a running list of topics so I don’t just sit there wondering what to write about for the entire allotted time. Blah. Goals are so hard.

I’m very proud of myself because, after bookmarking tons and tons of recipes that were just in a huge list, I put them into categories by type of meal. I’m probably going to cut those down by ingredient too, but for now I’m just happy it’s a little neater.

I had made some smoothies using frozen bananas as the “ice” portion, but I finally got around to trying out the “ice cream” composed of nothing but frozen bananas and flavoring if desired. It looked exactly like ice cream in the food processor and tasted exactly like chocolate ice cream that had been flavored with banana (obviously I added unsweetened cocoa powder). But the texture was kind of runny. I might have processed it too long or left it out too long… or it could be because I used a plate instead of a bowl, or a tablespoon instead of an ice cream scoop. But I’d like to experiment more to get a better texture. I also want to add fresh strawberries next time and see how that turns out. The taste was incredible though, yum!

I also made mashed cauliflower again… I LOVE it. So I can say I’ve perfected mashed cauliflower, the vegan meatball, the smoothie, and the tofu scramble so far. And I’m coming along on the vegan ice cream. Yay!

I missed one day of this class and I’m totally lost. We’re learning about recursive programs… at the same time I’m taking Discrete Structures where we’re learning about recursive equations. That class is super easy, and I totally understand what a recursive program is. But I think from not using Java all summer I totally forgot how it works and everything, and I needed a review, which I didn’t give myself. So now when I try to do recursive problems in it, I’m not really sure how to make it work. I’m going to have to spend some time today reviewing and practicing, if I want to start the year off right. The professor is pretty helpful anyway, he lets people ask extremely stupid questions and will spend pretty much the entire class going over them. AND when he assigns homework, it’s okay to turn in programs that don’t compile and stuff, he only checks that you tried. (I’ve had him before.) So yeah, I should be okay but that’s just me, I worry if I don’t get everything going on in every class.

Okay, cool… I’ll write more later or another day about how this goes. I’m sure one day of remediation will put me right to the front of the class…

I just realized it’s important to remember my goals when I try to go out of my comfort zone. I honestly couldn’t care less about getting along with people my age, making small talk, so I can go clubbing or something. That stuff makes me sick and I don’t want to change that. I do wish I could be more comfortable around young adults, but I don’t want to be associated with them or be friends with them either. When I figure out how to do that (but I’m thinking it will be in my own head), I will.

For now, I’m working towards my goal, which is changing the world somehow and using psychological research as a starting point. I’ve been meeting with one professor in the department who will be supervising my project. But there’s another professor whose interests are much more aligned with mine, but he didn’t let me work with him because he has too many other people in his lab. I had felt rejected at first, but now I realize that he can still be of help to me for advice and maybe even useful discussion about his research and my interests, kind of like intellectual stimulation. So I swallowed my pride and asked him to meet with me to give me advice, he said yes… then there were some scheduling challenges but I persisted, and I met with him finally on Thursday. It was kind of awkward, especially when the conversation got a little political… even though he seemed to have similar beliefs to mine, I felt uncomfortable going in that direction with someone I barely know who is in such a superior position to me. Anyway, I still got a lot from it and I think I will do it again.

I also emailed someone from this initiative at UC Berkeley that’s totally aligned with my interests to see how I can volunteer online. After asking me for a time to talk on the phone, she never got back to me. So tomorrow I’m going to call. I HATE talking on the phone so this will be a challenge, but it will get me closer to my goals, I’ll be proud of myself, and my next phone call will be slightly less uncomfortable.

Well, as I think I’ve stated before, I have much less time to use the internet being in school full time again (4 days a week like a full work day and then an hour commute each way, and I don’t bring my laptop because it’s not a good area). But whenever I am home, or free on campus, my first inclination is to get online. And it’s very hard to overcome this urge. To be fair, there is not much to do on campus. I’ve been wanting to go to the gym and I do have reading to do, but I don’t have friends and the clubs I’ve wanted to join don’t meet during my free hours. And we all know how hard it is to work up the motivation to go to the gym or do homework. Also, there really is no quiet place to read because social groups tend to take over every study lounge/library and the school refuses to enforce quiet policies. So it’s just so easy to let the WWW entertain me.

However, maybe I should compromise. My free time in the morning can be devoted to exercise, then for the rest of the school day I can go online. But when I get home, I have to read for a few hours. I think that’s what I’ll try to do. If I make specific rules for myself, I’ll usually follow them.

Then again, it would be way better if I just did everything offline. Like, commit my friends’ phone numbers to memory and call them if I want to talk (if any of them will even accept that as a form of communication!)... I should print out school papers, but I’d feel bad for the waste so I think instead I might try one of those “productivity” programs that blocks out unwanted programs when you’re working. Okay, the bottom line is I have options and I’m thinking about them!

I’m still in school, but I already know I’m never going to stop learning. First off, I’m probably going to have an academic career where I’ll be required to keep up on the latest research as well as completing my own. Second, I LOVE reading nonfiction books, watching documentaries, and finding new resources online for learning about things… especially useful knowledge. If I ever had the free time to master an entire subject, it would either be a popular foreign language or engineering or some kind of subject where I could learn to invent things and improve items around the house…

It’s very easy to find online tutorials… I’ve also used Wii Fit for yoga!! And there used to be free classes at my school, so I learned in all different places.

It’s pretty easy in college. Sometimes you’re forced to sit with people or work with them. But I’m proud of myself because I did join a club when I was a freshman and even tried to start my own club… none of that panned out. Now I just meet older people (like age 25-40) at concerts and vegan events, stuff that actually makes me happy… and I get along with those people better anyway because I’m very mature.

I weighed 155 at one point, and after going vegan my weight tends to fluctuate between 130 and 140. I would really like to be around 120 and not ever go up, but it’s important to be proud of the accomplishments you do make.