AVA

Today i’ve realised after running myself into the ground, it’s as important to relax as it is to work. I need to prioritise relaxation and fun in my day. It’s no good saying i don’t have time for it. I need atleast 3 hours pure fun and atleast 2 hours relaxation, without worrying about anything else. Just as i need to realise that i need 8 hours sleep and i must go to bed knowing that i will not be getting up until 8 hours has past. Think about my future more logically rather than trying to cram things into a day that just can’t be done, then to stick to my plan is important and have sundays as my day where there is no plan, just a pure day of bliss where i make no commitments and can say no to everything. My day for me.

As for my writing i love writing, i miss seeing my thoughts on paper, it helps me to articulate my thoughts on paper, as i often get stuck in a loop of thought and can’t really get out of it without writing things down and dealing with the problems i’m facing. Of course i am grateful for my problems, but it’s so difficult to accept that i am the cause of many of them because of the way i’m living. So now this is what i’m going to deal with.

It’s 2pm almost and i plan to have a relaxing bath until 3pm and then make some calls until 6pm. After which i’ll clean the house and make some dinner for the evening. I also need to order some shopping in, even though my funds are very limited. I will be happy if i get 30 calls done today as i’m not feeling to great. Then this evening the plan is to enjoy a relaxing movie with my other half. I would like to watch a comedy, something light hearted to hopefully improve my health. Last of all, i want to prepare for tommorow work wise and sort out my animals. I also want to get a reasonably early night so i can be up at 7:30am and ready for 9am on calls.

It’s 13:30 and i’m feeling poorly today. I do though want to think about the things i’m thankful for, including feeling poorly. This is a message to my body to slow down, take some time out for myself, take things easy. Relax a little, have a hot bath, enjoy a cup of soothing herbal tea and take a few moments to meditate. Even though i feel really physically run down and drained, i can still be thankful that there is a higher reason why i’m feeling ill, it’s to stop me overworking myself which i’ve been doing lately and to give me time to physically, mentally and emotionally recoup. I’m thankful for the way in which my body communicates its needs to me. I’m totally exaushauted from all the work i’ve been doing and my body is shutting me down, because i’ve not listened to the warning signs.

I’m grateful for this lovely hot bath i’m about to have, i really need to recoup and think it will elevate my spirits a little. I’ve not got much done today like i wanted too, but i’ve still 3 hours this evening if i spend the next hour for myself, which is enough. I need to follow up my leads feeling positive and optimistic about the outcomes. I’ve got the people interested now it’s just to close the deals! This is something i’m thankful for.

It’s been lovely today laid on the sofa for an hour relaxing with my kitten, she’s so adorable, her little paws tramppeling over my stomach as she tried to get comfy, her affection towards me is massive, even though i do tell her off now and again like the other morning for knocking my wine glasses off onto the kitchen floor. I love my animals, they are so comforting to have around.

I’m thankful for my home, i still have my home, i’ve not missed any mortgage payments thank goodness. I’m also grateful i’ve managed to get another loan to pay the mortgage with this month. It’s not a long term solution, but i can survive another month in this house with the money i get which is just about the cost of the mortgage payment.

I’m grateful for my relationship with my boyfriend. He is going to be here with me tonight watching a movie. It will be nice to relax and fall asleep in each others arms. I missed him last night, but it’s nice to miss him also. I appreciate him more when he’s back.

Finally i’m grateful for my job, working 40 hours and running a business is tough, but i’m glad that i have the extra income even if it is hard work. I wish in some respects i had trusted in myself enough to rely only on the business, but i think that getting a job for an extra income stream was a good idea and i’m thankful for the extra time it has given me to get my finances in order.

• I’m so thankful for tonight as i sit here in peace, chicken cooking in the kitchen, my boyfriend and his bro here for saturday dinner watching tv together and enjoying each others company.
• I’m so happy about my new book ” The tibetan art of living” it’s aweinspiring and is really letting me getting chance to connect with my soul and just be.
• I absolutely loved the movie i watched with my boyfriend last night, ” the nines”! Fabulous well filmed movie.
• Today it was great to go out walking with my boyfriend to his bro’s and play computer games together.
• Thankyou god for my beautiful home i’ve managed to keep clean this weekend and for my business i’ve still chance to make a great success.
• Also i’m grateful for my new job which is going to fund me for a little longer. It’s nice to socialize and step outside my comfort zone again to grow as a person.
• Thankyou for my animals, it’s great to have a home full of animals, they keep me company. I’m never alone and when i am i feel comfortable with it. It was good today to release some tears as i listened to josh gracin, ” dont give up”. Thinks have been challenging, and this song just reminds me that i need to be strong.
• Thankyou for my oppotunity to connect with the world so deeply and to share my experience of life with others.

• My kitten cuddling up to me
• Watching a movie- in the wild- very moving movie, philosophical and quite deep.
• I’m happy i finally got to clean my rabbit out in the bathroom
• I’m thankful for country music- it’s so beautiful
• Talking to my boyfriend and finding some peace between us
• I’m happy i did well in my job today getting three quotes for the business
• I’m thankful that i can keep my business running 15-26 hours a week part time along with my job and still make between 1-4 contracts a week
• I had a great birthday with my grandad yesterday, it was his 90th. I took some great photos
• I’m also pleased i got to see my little brother i’ve not seen in ages
• I’m thankful for the harsh words from the people who care about me and keep me on track, i know they are only looking out for me and worried about me.
• Thankyou for my new career, which i’m learning a new area of business and also gaining an additional income stream.

The owner has reduced the cost for me so she can help me. She knows that i really want to bring my horse home.

It’s 21:42pm and i’ve just finished having a steak with mashed potatoes and veg and gravy watching spider man i’m so grateful for my life. One of my kittens is sat near me contently on the sofa. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by my animals. They are so soothing to have in my presence. They are so precious to me. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with things lately, but they keep me calm and bring out my loving nature. I love caring for them.

Things on my mind at the moment is how i’m going to pay the mortgage this month. I don’t have the money based on my salary i have coming in at the moment. Although i have enquired about some loans. Alot has happened since i last wrote my journal. Last tuesday i started a new job working in insurance for some extra money coming in. I managed to be offered the job on the spot, on the friday before when i went for it. The interview was very successful even though i had to do a maths test, my worst subject. The last week has been training on the subject. I felt a little disheartened that i’ve had to go back to work as i really wanted to make the business work in a shorter timescale. Although of course the business does make money, it’s not at the level i wanted at this time, so i’ve had to take other measures.

A few days before i missed a job working in a warehouse from 10-6am. I decided this would be a good idea as i can work 9-5 on the business and then 10pm to 6 at a job so i can cover the mortgage and my secured loan. Sitting here i realise that i have problems, but that problems are a sign of life. I have a greater quality of problem now than i had when i was living at my dads. When i was living at my dads, my problem was that i didn’t want to have to get a job and found it difficult to get to my horse-care course on time. Now it’s that my outgoings are enormous and i can’t afford to buy my horse outright and i’m possibly going to have to get a loan to finance me, some more time running my business. I’m very grateful for all that i have around me. To be able to get my house last year was a dream come true and i intend to hang on to it no matter what.

At the moment i’m living day to day and week to week as each month is so important to me to do the right way. Currently my finances do allow me to pay the mortgage this month, but not much else. Only really my travel. I also have the prospect of a loan which can help with other things and i’ll get my salary at the end of the month, so i still have time to get the business thriving. A month should be more than enough time. My plan for the business is to get one client a week which should be enough to support me, worst case senario, i need to get one client for the month, which will mean i can’t pay my data and have to do my own research, but it’s viable.

Yesterday was great. My boyfriend and i met his mum and brother to go to the races. We put some bets on the horses. Only one of mine won and we had some food and watched madness play live which was absolutely fantastic. It was good to be held lovingly by my boyfriend whilst we danced to the music. The atmosphere was fabulous. Although i didn’t like it when people threw beers forward. It’s a good job the cans were made out of plastic. The music was outstanding. We ended up walking home, me in my bare feet as i was in pain from my heals, we stayed at our friends until a taxi came to pick us up at 3am. It reminded me how much i want to be working with horses seeing them race. It’s my passion to work with horses- although i love that i have my own animals in this house to care for.

It’s 14:40pm and i’ve only made one call today on the business. However i’m grateful that i’ve been able to dance and renew my health. I’ve been suffering with really bad stress lately and it’s been good to focus on my health in a positive way rather than trying to find ways to mask my feelings.

I’ve also enjoyed connecting with oracle cards and asking the higher powers for advice regarding the best thing to do for me now. It may seem counterproductive to be dancing 20 minutes when i should be working, but the long term and short term effects of stress can be disasterous so it’s best to make sure that caring for myself is my number one priority. Life should be easy, the law of least effort, everything in nature works effortlessly and i have to ask myself, if i’m feeling constant stress, am i doing the right thing, should i be giving more time to me. I have done this today and i’m grateful for that.

Sitting here i realise how lucky i am, i’m in the first world with every oppotunity i could imagine. I have a beautiful home, i’m sat in my home office surrounded by candle light and beautiful music. I can go outside for fresh air to the lovely garden outside and spend time with nature and my animals. I can by anything i need. I have a flow of abundance coming to me in my life and i’m so connected with the universe.

As i sit here and meditate on my body and do reiki, i’m lucky that i can self heal and stimulate health in my nervous system using energy healing. I’m thankful that i have a good body and interllect and can do anything i want to do in life. I’m grateful for what i have. I have all i need. I just need gracefully to maintain it, being appreciative of every moment.

Horray i’ve danced for another 20 minutes! I feel fabulous. Sat here surrounded with candle light and ready to start work on my business. I feel relaxed and prepared as i can be to start making some phone calls. I love the total feeling of gratitude and the way the breathe fully oxygenates my system as i dance and how connected i am with all the elements of air ( breathe), water( 90% body fluid) fire, (energy within) and the earth, ( my physical body and the earth below) as i ground myself using dance. It’s a great tool for meditation, relaxation and general health.

Horray i’ve danced for another 20 minutes! I feel fabulous. Sat here surrounded with candle light and ready to start work on my business. I feel relaxed and prepared as i can be to start making some phone calls. I love the total feeling of gratitude and the way the breathe fully oxygenates my system as i dance and how connected i am with all the elements of air ( breathe), water( 90% body fluid) fire, (energy within) and the earth, ( my physical body and the earth below) as i ground myself using dance. It’s a great tool for meditation, relaxation and general health.

£40 paid towards her keep. Still £1390 balance to pay in total though. Will keep it up.

Did my follow ups today. I also sent one email to an interested propect- I’ve been looking back over my progress and have only done about 60 calls total over the last two weeks with 10 hours work. I really need to up things a gear! Six hours daily would be better than this.

This is a great feeling. I paid the mortgage yesterday in advance so that i feel secure. I am also going to pay my secured loan early also. I’m in a position where im lining up more work and more jobs so hopefully i’ll be able to improve my financial abundance now.

I’ve got the bunnies cleaned out, my animals are in good health and i’ve filled in the holes they have made all over the garden!

• Today i’ve got a job interview lined up working 10pm until 6am which is great for me for 1k extra cash. I have this on thursday at 10:30am – i’m quite excited. I hope i get it! Secure income!
• I’ve made all tommorows important calls for clients which need dealing with today. It took me awhile to get in the mood, but i’m glad i’ve done this!
• I’ve cleaned out both of my outdoor rabbit hutches throughly disinfecting.
• Lasange and salad for dinner and i’ve made bacon sandwiches for my boyfriend and i for an afternoon snack.
• Spoken to my friend who has loaned me £300 to help with cashflow!
• Connected with god and my spirituality
• Paid my horse cost £40
• Found out i can still draw money i need off my credit card! Yay..it just has a daily allowance.
• Let a bird go that got stuck in the rabbit hutch
• Put the bins out
• Did a tarot reading for a client

I’ve given him the drops, hes looking much happier. I’m so thrilled about this. If they worsen i’ll give more drops. Glad its nothing serious. He’s a beautiful bunny rabbit. He has enjoyed been in the house in his poorly period. I’m wondering about keeping him here permanently, but i think two rabbits in the house is abit much!

I really need my spirituality at a time like this. As i sit here at 2:15pm my heart is burdened with stress. I thank god for my life as it is now and i release all of my fears about the future. I realise that i haven’t be so grateful as of late and for me this is my main priority in life, to be in awe and total gratitude of what life has in store for me. I’m so blessed. Every day i live is a gift, not to be squandered worrying about a tommorow that may never come. For today it’s so important i do things right, that i live with grace and am at peace in the moment right now. The future may look worrying but that’s all it is a look into the future, it isn’t the actual future, i can’t possibily know what’s going to happen with accuracy, any number of events could change the outcome.

I know the path i have been on to now i’m reaping what i sowed, which has been a lack of effort really, too much lazyness over the last several months. However i do forgive myself for this as it has been so tough setting up this business and getting it to the level where it can now be profitable. Though as i look around me i’m still here. I’ve made it through the last ten months in this house. I’ve nearly been here a year.

I’m so grateful that i’ve experienced my 24th birthday here waking up and realizing that i have fulfilled one of my biggest dreams. I know that the universe has greater plans for me and this is just a taste of what is in store. As i look around i notice how beautifully decorated my home is. It wasn’t done by myself, but i’m grateful to the lady who went to all the trouble and for her to give me all this furniture she left me. I’m not sure how i would have done all this without people opening doors for me at the right times. I’m truly grateful to god for what he has given me, a cozy home, for me, my boyfriend and my animals to live in. This is my animal sanctuary i always wanted to own. I may not adopt animals but i certainly have my work cut out keeping these lot happy.

I’m so thankful for all the many books about universal energy, spirituality and natural principles and laws which resonate with my heart. I feel guided to things in life that will help me on my path and i’m growing as a result. Around me i’m surrounded by little things that brighten my day like my angel oracle cards. I feel so loved when i do a reading and read the sweet words written in the book. I do realise that we are all supported by the universe and god and i’m so thankful that i am so blessed.

For the daylight that shines, i was so happy to be out in the garden with my rabbits today cleaning them out. I was surprised to find a wild bird in the hutch. She was trapped in there and had laid an egg in the rabbit food. I accidentally picked it up and squashed it, thinking it was a grape as i didn’t have my glasses on. I took a small video of this very unusual sight and showed it to my boyfriend. I let the bird free and she flew off into the distance. What a perfect moment. How lucky i was to witness nature so close up.

As i sit here tonight at 23:15 i’ve just got off the phone to a psychic reader. She was very nice and told me that my business is going to be very successful and that i am going to be able to maintain the payments on my home and that i am going to be getting alot more clients- 3 more this month and 4 the month after. She spoke of a possible marriage to my partner a year from now and said that i will be able to pay my horse outright in august. She spoke of how november will be a turning point and things will be great for me and of a guy who likes me coming into my life on the 15th of july and says i should be careful as i’m in a relationship with a guy who truly loves and cares about me.

She told me that we have a great future together and that part time work would be good for me now to supplement my income to support my passion of working with horses. She also said that there should be a new client that’s of significance on the 15th of July. Finally she told me that i would be running a new business relating to my passion next year and that everything is on track as it should be and not to worry as everything is going really well. I hope shes right! Novemeber 14th and 21st are dates she said to watch out for.

It’s 23:20 and my boyfriend is watching a movie, whilst im on my laptop. I started doing psychic readings tonight and got two calls which i fumbled on to be honest and didn’t seem to do to well. I think i will leave this until i’ve finished other projects i’m working on. The cost of readings though can be set at what amount i choose. I made $6 for a few minutes conversation. I can see how this can be a very profitable business if you are any good. I’m too nervous to be honest even though when i can get my readings out, i tend to be accurate.

This morning i woke up late, i decided to write off my plans for the day and ended up going to sign on at the job centre for job seekers allowance whilst i look for a new job. This wage of £40 a week though is peanuts to me and i wont be able to claim it as soon as i start getting some business in again, which will be this week no doubt. However, i did go just to get me out into town really, and looking for jobs. I’ve applied for a nighttime warehouse position working 10pm until 6am as i don’t have any daytime hours available.

If i could get myself up to some kind of standard with my psychic readings i could make a mint, but i have neither the confidence nor the time to do that right now. I also took a job application for the local animal shelter. I hope to apply for a receptionist position there with any luck. I have worked there previously so think this will stand me in some good stead. It would be ideal as i love working with animals and also give me an extra income stream in this tight financial period.

Today i enjoyed going into town shopping. I managed to get my sainsbury shopping for £22! I’ve never shopped for less than £50 so this was fab. I also had a macdonalds which my friend paid for as he happened to be in town. After shopping i returned to my boyfriend and made him some sandwiches whilst he played poker as usual. We also had some fish pie and chips later. I’ve enjoyed relaxing tonight. I do love exploring my spirituality. It’s’ so much fun. Tommorow i’ll dedicate to work.

I did have a lovely evening the other night with my boyfriend watching a movie chuck and larry with adam sandler and we both enjoyed a nice spagetti bolognaise last night together. It’s been nice having him about more. I’ve been focused on the business the week prior, but spending time with my boyfriend is a priority at the moment. It was fun to do some tarot reading for him the other day and i was glad to get some of the cleaning done at the weekend.

I managed to get quite drunk on gin the other night. Our love life has been excellent the past few night and i’ve felt really close to my love. My friend has been supportive in helping me with the business, but i’ve learnt that i need to do what feels right and focus on what’s important which sometimes means letting him down and doing what i know is essential. The next two weeks are going to be massive financially for me. I really need to work hard and pull out all the stops to get these deals in. I’m excited about the future.

As i sit here tonight at 9:53pm watching eastenders after eating strawberry cheesecake i bought earlier at sainsburys, my throat is a little sore and i’m feeling like i need to chill out, slow down a little, appreciate the beauty of time. It’s amazing how 10 minutes depending on your state of mind can be a completely different experience. I want to try get more of those long lingering grateful moments into my day, not those rushed forgetful ones.

Tonight i’ve got so much on my mind, from cleaning the house, meeting my business partners, finances, new staff, cashflow. It’s alot to think about right now, not to mention the prospect of having to get a job for extra income to help me have some sense of security in paying the mortgage. I think that i need to spend some time doing reiki and relaxing and making less demands on myself outside work time. Not only this i need to start writing again, for the waste basket just so that i can keep my life documented.

I woke late this morning after spending the evening at my sisters. It was lovely to spend the evening with her. The last week i’ve been working really hard on calls. It was good to watch the movie hitman. She made her boyfriend and i, dips and chicken dippers and pizza and we managed to finish off two bottles of wine, leaving me with a banging headache in the morning. It was good to have a chat and she ended up giving me a necklace and some really nice moisturiser. We had a talk about her work. I wasn’t at all pleased to hear about the way she is being treated by her boss and gave her the best advice i could.

This morning i missed the dentist my boyfriend booked for us. I ended up going to the job centre to see if i could make a claim for income support. The only problem with this is that i do really earn too much overall. So i am looking for extra employment at the moment for added security, however i got a letter through the post today saying that i was over qualified for the position i applied for! This has never happened before. How can you be overqualified!

Anyway I’ll keep going with this. As i sit here watching enermy at the gates, my boyfriend is on the way home from his brothers house. I’m cooking pizza and am really tired this evening. I’m glad he’s coming home. It’s so wonderful to have someone i love to share my life with. Tommorow is going to be a busy day no doubt. I have washing to do tonight. One embarrasing thing that happened today was that when in town after visting the job centre, i dropped into the sainsburies. I somehow forgot my cards and my boyfriend had to come all the way to town to help me pay. Not only this, but when he arrived, my pins declined, locked out! I couldn’t believe my disbelief.

I also saw my mum and sister for a few moments and spoke to my friend and business partner several times today about taking on new staff. Earlier in the morning i had a prospect call back, he was interested in my services and said he will definately use my services, should something come up. I managed to do a couple of emails i had pending, but didn’t get any calls done. I did speak to my bank manager who says she will have my new account details shortly which is good.

Tonight i’ve been working on the training manual for 3 new employees we are taking on commission only basis. A confidentiality agreement has been written for our business protection. I’ve also received payment from my business partners today.

• I’m so grateful that my boyfriend came into town today to help me with my shopping when i realised i forgot my cards! He’s such an angel!
• I’m really enjoying eatching the apprentice at the moment. It’s so funny. I never really saw anything in it before, but this is great!