Angel35

Had a kinda stressful day yesterday, feeling some old emptiness. Had tickets to a Cards game (stl), my daughter backed out so it was just me, my son and a friend of his (both 11) when we got to the game we were hurrying and it was warm, and then I hear it “COLD BEER HERE, GET YOUR COLD BEER” I have to tell you as I will my sponsor this morning, I didn’t feel too good, all of a sudden I lost my equalibrium, as if there a was a weakness sensed in a part of my brain, “it” began to attack my well built up defenses… in every situation that I have stressed about the wanting to drink, “my firsts” spring days, bbq’s, new yrs party, all turned out to be less difficult that I had set myself up for, but this was not that way. SSSOOOOO I knew I was in trouble as I had already thought that I could tell the kids I was going to the bathroom, grab a bottle of beer and drink in 2-3 gulps, and have my lovely buzz…. yeah I was in trouble, cause in reality this was the only drink I could control, the first one. I decided once we sat down, I’d come back out and find a quiet place to call my sponsor. However, life decided to throw us a curve ball and a huge storm picked up with in 15 mins of watching the game. We ended up leaving and I’m kinda glad we did, I just don’t know, I never felt such a pull in my 139 days :) I plan to discuss in my meetings and I know I will get some good advice. I really wanted to post this because since quitting 99% of my post are …. HOW AMAZINGLY HAPPY I AM!!!! but the pull of the old love can be difficult at times and you really need a good support system, person, plan whatever. Wishing you all a lovely weekend!!!

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah
Three months I hurt

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJnJTyOCj_E

Love you all… thank you !!!! Angel

Here she comes Miss America….(funny wave) :D just kidding that’s how I feel!!!! It’s so wonderful outside, and I’m excited to enjoy a warm beautiful sober weekend!!! Every day is an ADVENTURE … yesterdays adventure, was trusting others… and I’ll be damned but they listened to me, “heard” me, and still love me… who knew!! :D I’ve picked the weeds in my life and left the flowers… and my garden is blooming with them … loving caring spiritual beings…. I would never have looked for them until I gave up my addiction, my love, my enemy…alcohol.