AppleNell

We got married on April 27, 2007 in a neighborhood tavern. It was an amazing wedding, so much fun even WE had fun. I am so thankful, so glad beyond gladness, that I pursued this dream. While I do regret the sorrow and difficulties all of us involved endured, I am confident that it was the right thing to do. My ex-husband has also re-married and seems infinitely happier than he was when we were together. And that, to quote Martha Stewart, is good thing.

In one way this is a total failure. I’ve decided to end my marriage. In another way, I will be working very hard to achieve this goal because we have two children and we need to improve our relationship to the point where we can communicate well and support one another. I may no longer love him in the way I believe married people should, but I do still love him and will do the right things (getting counseling, treating him well) to make our post-marital relationship work.
a.

Push came to shove in my marriage. My spouse found out about my feelings for the other man (other than the kissing spree, there has been no sex, nakedness, heavy petting, etc.).

I looked at what I felt for the “him” in the title of this posting. I looked at what I no longer felt for my husband. I asked for a divorce.

That sounds callous and shallow without all the backstory, and in a sense it is. So much feeling and time wasted, so many good intentions wrecked on the rocks of complacency. And now, this new, improbable love springing up without any forethought and, god knows, unwanted.

For the first time in my life I am approaching being an honest woman. I realize I’m not afraid to be alone. Not afraid to face the difficulties I’m sure I’ll encounter. I should be, but I’m not.

And yes, maybe, I will attain this goal, and do it the right way. As he says “this time, this time, this time like a moth to the flame, not a lamb to the slaughter.” It is in my hands to decide, and I am going to make that decision.

a.