Aqua09

As a kid I always thought a lot and spoke little with strange people, I always felt that I could be whatever I wanted to be. Somehow I lost myself. Trying to be someone else, trying to be a better person but always failed on my own standards. I kept hurting my self-esteem throughout and ended up feeling lower than I ever thought I would.

I never thought this situation of personal conflict with my mind would ever arise. Even though I hit my confidence and my belief in my own self, I never thought I was less smarter than anyone else during my downturn. Somehow when I tried to improve myself and started climbing up back again, I started feeling I was the worst I could have been.

I took a hit then, not before, and realized my creativity had died, my will to do something good had died. Even though I found myself to be caring and kind, I did not care about myself. And this is when I started finding myself again. I hope to achieve that real soon so I can give back what I have taken from my family, my community and my own personality.

I went to an elementary school last weekend to volunteer for its revitalization. I cannot tell you how much satisfaction I got in painting the school playground and a mural next to it. I felt like I connected with myself more than anyone else. I felt more creative than I have in a long time. I am one of those people who just cannot let their creativity flow in the typical work/school class environment.

I guess what I need to do is to let my mind free, to free myself of the non-sensical locks I have put on my mind while growing up; and have fun at everything I do. And one way is to pick up the brush again.