I haven’t posted for two days because I just haven’t felt like it. I’ve lost quite a bit of motivation, mainly because I’m tired of eating the same food over and over again. Chicken, black beans and rice. Chicken salad. Total Cereal. I know I have to incorporate a variety of things, but it’s really hard knowing what to eat. Yesterday I had some pasta and a juice box and nothing else, which is very unhealthy I’m sure because, well pasta is fattening and eating only one time a day is not good for anyone.
Today I’m trying to get back on the horse. I’m going to the gym, though admittedly having a hard time. I’ve been procrastinating for the last 20 minutes. I had mean green, then cleaned up and now I’m sitting here blogging and considering what else I should do before working out.
Money is really tight right now because of a trip I’m taking in two weeks. I’m sad because I have over $2,000 in tax returns that should have been in my account two months ago, but the delay was caused because some idiot at the IRS put the wrong zipcode. So now, I have to wait another month.
I also have a $1,000 refund check from grad school, but that’ll be awhile to process.
So, I’ve got $3,000+ that I could really use for my trip in two weeks just floating around out there, while I sit here with barely $500.00 in my account struggling to make it. sigh I hate this.
Well, I guess I need to stop whining and go ahead to the gym.
I don’t feel like posting today, but I promised myself I would keep track of things for at least a week straight, so here we go. I’m feeling a little better today, but not great because it’s my time of the month. I really want to run and have some comfort foods, yah know, cuddle up in bed with a vanilla latte and some fattening linguine alfredo.
But I’m fighting the urge. Maybe I’ll get a lean cuisine later on with noodles so I can feel somewhat comforted. Food really is a comfort to me. I’m thinking about fresh bread straight out the oven, potato soap with bacon bits and cheddar, bloomin onion. I’m craving creamy, cheesy and salty. I would love to go to red lobster and have some crab alfredo.
I wish i didn’t have to do my presentation tomorrow. I’m tired and I don’t feel like performing. Meh.
Guess I’ll have some lunch
When I started this “journey” last week, I didn’t take into account the emotional aspect of losing weight. At first I felt so happy and positive and bouncy. Then, comes fear and doubt. Then anger. Today a new emotion—depression and, I dunno, a sense of loss. Yeah, it sounds stupid I know, but food has been a big deal for me. Eating better is positive and I am proud of myself, but I feel kind of sad sometimes. It’s not like I feel sad because I want a huge piece of pie or pizza and I can’t have it. I just feel kind of subdued and introspective and a little empty. Right now, I just want to curl up in bed with my smushy pillow and watch Netflix and not think, or eat or move.
Maybe it takes a lot more energy and concentration to do what I’m doing and it’s tiring my brain out or something. I guess it was easy and not stressful to just shove in my mouth whatever I felt like without giving it much thought. Now, I’m planning and thinking twice when I’m about to eat something that’s not a fruit or veggie.
I’m hoping these feelings are just PMS because now that I look at the calendar, it is about time for my period to come on. I have to stop feeling sad.