ArtVandelay105

Chicago is simply put my favorite city in America.

Having always lived in a rather moderate (and that’s being generous) sized town.. I’ve always longed for more.

It was when visiting Chicago a few years ago for the first time that I first started to look into moving there. I fell in love with everything the city had to offer. A good nightlife (including some of the world’s best Beer Bars… a definite plus for me) my beloved Chicago Bears, museums, good shows.. the list was endless and the city magnificent.

I’ve since visited one other time and have made it a goal of mine to reside there within a year’s time.

When I look in the mirror I see a hideous monster, I don’t see a person who’s attractive and that’s fine.. I would classify very few people as being ‘attractive’ The problem is I don’t even see average and that’s not a good way to feel about oneself.

This has caused a chain reaction of problems for me. I don’t talk to girls, because I’m convinced they would want nothing to do with me. I don’t ask them out because I’ve got a major fear of rejection.

I don’t try to improve myself and work on getting a job I like more, because again my lack of self esteem tells me that I’m going to fail anyway.

I worry because I’m nearly out of my 20’s.. these are things that I should have been able to work through years ago and here I am turning 29 later this year and no better off than what I was at 16 or 17.

Hopefully I can break this self defeatist cycle and good things will then come from being able to do so.

For as long as I can remember depression has been a huge part of my life.

I have no idea how to overcome it and it’s gotten so overbearing at times that simply being able to function is hard.

I’ve reached a point in my life where something needs to be done, I’m tired of being unhappy and all that goes along with it. The extreme loneliness… the lack of motivation the whole nine yards.

As stated above I don’t really know where to start, but one way or another I will succeed and realize how wonderful life can be.