AwakenMe

like I am just sitting in idle while life keeps passing me by. I spend more time thinking about things I want to do then actually doing them. Its like I am so unsure of any course of action that I just sit at a crossroad deciding what direction to take next.

I know this is a problem. I wouldn’t call it depression though as, I am very content with my life. It could be better, but I am grateful for the situation I am. It almost turned out very badly for me.

Maybe it is becuase while I am here in Florida I don’t have any friends so I constantly have time to think. I mainly fear the future and maybe this is why I feel so paralyzed in doing anything else.

Maybe I just expect to much out of life, but at the same time I can’t really say that because I have really fought to make something out of it. That is the main problem. Like I said, I feel like I am in idle, and that brings an almost numb feeling to me about life.

Sure I get moments of feeling really alive, and happy, and sad, and frustrated but at the end of the day I always go back to feel numb, and like I am going no where.

I really need to figure this out, and set some real goals for my life and figure out what would make me happy if I chose that direction. Then I need to force myself to start moving and be an active participant in life. I need to get the car moving I guess you would say.

I really need to fuel up and start living. I just can’t take this anymore. I feel like my life has no meaning becuase I am barely living it. I need to live my life to the fullest instead of sitting around day to day thinking about what could be done.

I want a joyful vibrant life, but the reason I don’t have it is becuase of my actions and myself. Or well, lack of actions.

Anyway, I need to figure out how to take the control back and move forward. I need to develop a just do it state of mind and become productive in every sense, not just in ways that are require of me.

Well I already know how to do retro makeup I like, its not that hard to master. I tend to use pink lipsticks though instead of red. I just don’t look that good in red lipstick. So I guess you could say I go for more of Audrey Hepburn look in Breakfast at Tiffany’s for makeup.

So now I am working on learning hairstyles. I am obviously a fan of hot rollers, its the most simplistic method of getting that feel. I am slowly mastering the Beehive and adapting it to look good on me. Still not so good on the victory rolls though. They are hard to master. I also have done a few other quick looks, so slowly this is coming to be.

My main concern is fashion, now. I like how I dress in my dark jeans, shirts and scarves. So it my be 50/50 on that front. I am working on creating a more feminine shape though instead of just wearing anything, even if its unflattering. And adding heels or flats does make it look more feminine.

So over all, things are going well. I want to add somce vintage pieces though..however I am too big to shop most vintage. Look online most waist sizes are from 24-28. My waist ranges from a 31-33. So need to really lose some weight which I am working on already.

Also, big sunglasses like Audrey are always a check. I got this really good pair (and from target too!) last month. I should get a few more pairs cause I tend to break my sunglasses easily (hence why I had to buy the target pair).

But anyway, now with my vintage brooch I am well on my way to looking modern and feminine with a retro flare. :D

Before my Aunt went to Paris she asked if there was anything I’d like because she wanted to bring me back something. She had been telling me that on Sunday they has this market with a lot of vintage stuff her friend has been telling her about. So I told her if she found a vintage brooch I’d like that. She laughed, and told me she didn’t think I was serious in wanting to collect and wear vintage brooches.

Anyway, I had totally forgotten about what I had requested. Heck, I didn’t think she would remember, but she did. She got me those most beautiful brooch. It is a rose, and a dangly stem you can fasten any way you’d like. I am going to add a pic when I can. Its beautiful, simple and great colouring for the jackets I wear. She was worried I wouldn’t like it, but she knows me too well.

I was really touch she remembered and thought of me in Paris, so my first vintage brooch with likely be the most special. Picked from the heart, from Paris and the first one. I am really touched she remembered and took the time too look.