Today is Day 1 of 28 that I’m embarking upon to remember the preciousness of this one life. Got up a little earlier than my usual 10 o’clock roll-out, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and proceeded downstairs to read and feel the truth of each of the 4 noble reminders. As listed here: http://madhyamavani.fwbo.org/8/reminders.html
I feel more grounded, a little sad, but determined to make the most of my day (not in terms of western notions of productivity), but in terms of making wise choices, using my time wisely, feel and appreciate my connectedness to others, and being aware of my aliveness for as many moments today possible.
... hopefully today.
in which I can retreat and try to keep up with every other day. Took since Feb., and needing such care at the beginning! But it’s totally worth it!
doesn’t get any better than that.
At some point, I just had to drop the perfectionist tendencies and go with what I got.
So here it is folks: www.vidastudios.org
In a few weeks, gotta get working on the newer, updated, shinier version. Taking a breather.
Took some time finagling with PhotoShop, but here’s the final! Yay!
What I would do differently: DOUBLE CHECK ALL YOUR INFO before proofing. Got a little typo in the business phone number that was challenging to fix.
So after disentangling myself, still grieving that it’s over, and maintaining the relationship on a purely platonic level, I’m ready to revisit this goal.
May I fall in love with someone who excites all parts of me—and may I learn to daily, continuously, consistently love and accept them fully for who they are.
helps me sleep better!
be nicer to people!
be nicer to myself!
feel more connected to everybody!
Trying to write in my journal each time. Even if it’s just 2 lines.
Been falling off the bandwagon with this, so starting this up again today.
After my filling appointment, will head straight to the YMCA for a 1 hour workout.
Need to find other ways to relax, feel euphoric and connected quickly.
Started a list of 101 reasons to stop drinking.
Also started a list of tools that will help me stay off the booze for the next 7 days, despite the fact that this is a stressful time.
Need to turn off the “I deserve a drink” voice, or transform it somehow into “I deserve a hot soak or nice walk or sauna” voice.
Just have a few more images to go .. and some edits to copy. Then the podcast and editing down one more song.
Have been putting this off for the last two days.
Today I get this done OR ELSE!
Have an intro session with a gardening coach tomorrow morning to assess my garden and my goals. Hope to have her by several hours a month to keep me on track.
31. nap outside
32. watch the clouds form pictures
33. eat completely in the dark
34. drop in for a lecture in a field i know nothing about
35. tab all my favorite passages in as many books on my shelf
36. review those tabs randomly
37. write a song
38. write a song with kids
39. play the drums
40. play the drums along with the radio
41. go for a walk and say the warmest hello to everybody i encounter
42. imagine i have 3 months to live, then decide what i’ll do today
43. surround myself with color
44. surround myself with fresh cut flowers
45. call up old friends and find out what they’re up to
46. write with my other hand
47. give away money to a stranger who didn’t ask for it
48. ask myself in the morning, “what do I want to find out today” and see if i did when i go to bed
Well, was really sick on my birthday so didn’t really have much of a celebration this year. Instead I’ll see about noting 34 things that make me happy:
1. hanging with good friends
2. playing music with others
3. gaining independence from compulsive thoughts and behavior
4. loving my parents for who they are
5. putting attention on my passion/dream job (the studios)
6. brainstorming the studios
7. beta-testing the studios with my two favorite kids
8. napping in the sun with my dog
9. playing the piano
10. cooking creative meals
11. sharing them with good friends
12. helping others feel good about themselves
13. sharing my lessons learned
14. unsolicited giving
15. exercising at the gym
16. unwinding in a steam bath/sauna
17. working hard on a project and finishing it
18. improving my home space
19. completing my goals
20. seeing my dog happy
21. supporting others through tough times
22. creating something out of nothing
23. getting craftsy
26. making connections with new people
27. speaking in another language
28. soaking in the tub
29. embracing structure
30. watching myself improve at little things
31. staying on top of things
32. helping people grow
33. adventures to new places
34. on fire by seeing a play, lecture, movie, show
I’ve put this off forever .. life has a way of getting in the way. Well, I guess other things took priority.
This weekend hopefully a friend will come over to help me install my cabinet handles .. finally!
Now we just have trim, painting finishing, bottom toe-stop, microwave install, and lights on the outside and inside and we’re done.
But one thing at a time. :)
and the rocket arugula is going nutso. Tomato seedlings and basil are coming up. Have yet to see eggplant and bell peppers though. It’s exciting to watch.
This weekend it might be nice to clear a plot, create some walls using our old wood, and dump the compost and potting soil in. The arugula and lettuce would be quite happy against the wall, as well as snap peas.
91. that she goes to lengths to remind me I’m sexy
92. that she’s actively working to improve our relationship
93. that she checks in with me almost every day
94. that she remembers things important to me, when I forget, and doesn’t judge or admonish me for it
95. that she’s growing by leaps and bounds, and humble and transparent
96. that she gives me 100% confidence in our relationship, and in her certainty of us
97. that she tells me I can tell her no, and that it’s ok
98. that she understands I sometimes need space, and doesn’t seem to resent me for it
99. that she holds me up when I feel weak
100. That she loves me
I think I’m finally actually, really open to the possibility.
It’s a different kind of “falling in love” than when I was younger. It’s calm, warm, comforting, blossoming, surging, still kind of love. It’s not anxious, frenetic, mind-blowing, obsessive.
I’ve met someone whom I could see myself falling in love with. And more importantly, I finally believe that someone could really fall in love with me.
get to the point where I can’t allow myself even one drink, because it would lead to things more disastrous.
I want to maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol.
I want to stop seeing it as the portal to a truly liberating, edgy fun time.
Yesterday I had a drink right before my evening work, and of course it made me sluggish and unwilling to work very hard. Part of me knew in that moment that I would probably go down the path of dull and tired, but I did it anyway. I ignored that voice.
Uggh. I want to find a way to listen to that voice better. Or figure out what voice compells me to drink, and how can I give that voice a different job?