I am currently in my country’s mental health system. Initially I was taken to the doctor by somebody else because they were worried about my behaviour. I began treatment for depression and anxiety. As I have spoken to more and more people and specialists, it has become apparent there is something more to it than that. I was then told I have emotional dysregulation and complex PTSD. My life has felt like one long uphill battle and at the point where I was taken to the doctor was the point at which I had given up even trying. I am currently undergoing several therapies, one of which is CBT. On Monday I spoke to someone who I got referred to for a different but related problem, and she told me I fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. she then informed me of a different therapy, DBT, which is designed for people like me. I have a strong feeling like this is what I am meant to be doing because she is the first person I have spoken to in this enormously long journey of person after person after person after person who have been trying to help me that has actually understood what I have been saying. She made sense to me and I made sense to her, before now I have always been left confused and perplexed and frustrated. Tomorrow I find out whether I will be accepted for the treatment. If I am, it’s a year long intensive course. Which means radical changes to my life.
BUT MY GOAL IS TO FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHY I BEHAVE AND THINK THE WAY I DO AND LEARN MANAGE IT PROPERLY SO THAT I CAN LIVE FULLY AND TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. With no more confusion or despair or trauma.
Which I can’t recall ever having been able to do. So fingers crossed I get accepted to the course- because that will mean I am one step closer to my goal.