Beginnings Here

Finding Me in ease in 2014

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live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
Our two month anniversary

He bought me a Harley jacket! He has a bike and has slowly, gently, gotten me to go out for short rides on the most gorgeous of weekend days. I have come to love these little bursts of holding him as we spin through the world bound and locked up together at 60 MPH.

More than the jacket, we have had the “talk” the one where we know we are willing to commit to a lifetime together – and that what we find in each other – is what we want in our lives together.

We did a sun salutation together to honor the solstice. We celebrated with sushi. We held each other…for days and nights on end. He calls me his spider monkey. We have songs about it. We have photos. We played golf together and he is a wonderful teacher since it had been many years for me. I continue to meet every relative he has. I am willing to, for the first time, put my relationship status on FB. We garden together. We juice and make salads. We make smoothies for each other – trying to out do each other. We get up with the other one – no matter how early – to help the early riser out the door. We partner well – in everything. From making meals to cleaning to driving to gardening. We are a yin and yang. And when we ask each other if this has been all too easy – and if this is a good or bad thing – that we feel like we just belong to each other in a way that fits – we concur it is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us – and that it took a lifetime of mistakes, failures, successes to teach us how to be good partners. This time in life prepared us for what we wanted – and now that we found each other – we can live the life we dreamed of…finally.

Incredible. So integrated into my life. And two months ago, I didn’t even know his name. I am going to live life with the man of my dreams. Thanks, 43 things, for asking me what I wanted.

I wanted to live life with the man of my dream…and now…I get to do just that.

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
the comfort is incredible

our thursday – sunday has stretched now thursday – tuesday. we may as well concede that we’d be happy living together 7 days, not just 5 days a week. odd how time passes and we cannot separate – for even short periods feel as if some vital organ has been ripped from our functional capacity.

our long weekend is now stretched into the week – even when unplanned like last night when he just showed up so that we didn’t have to wait days to see each other.

miss him the moment i close the door.

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
life continues to evolve

as does the man and the time I spend with him. I love him. Time with him teaches me that we are like a hand and a glove…a bat and a ball…a ring and a finger…one just belongs and was made for the other….through the darkness…i can see your light…and you will always shine and I can feel your heart in mine…your face I’ve memorized … I look up to everything you are…in my eyes you do no wrong…i’ve loved you for so long… just couldn’t find you… now i have.

Convert the backyard into a greenhouse for veggies and fruits (read all 2 entries…)
I got "his"

He already was a veggie and fruit gardener. I loved that about him. So now I get to “tend” his garden. We have been enjoying this very much…together.

He is planning an orchard. I may just toss in my efforts with him…for more than the garden.:)

Practice the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with my word/ Don't take anything personally/ Don't make assumptions/ Always do my best (read all 6 entries…)
Always do my best

My best has been restful this past month. Time to get my best in gear. :)

Become meaningful into the lives of others (read all 3 entries…)
I feel like I am looking at this carefully

Who do you become meaningful to? If you were meaningful to just one person in the world, is that enough? Do you build your world around someone or do you put yourself in the center and build the world around you? Is that bringing meaning to others or just yourself? How do you strike the balance of giving, taking and the reciprocal?

How does any of that bring meaning to anyone?

What is the validation we bring to others? What do they validate in us by allowing us to belong?

Write or speak with gratitude each day. express it in writing to one person every day for 2012. (read all 3 entries…)
It flows from me now!

I have someone in my life who is so open, transparent and grateful – and he expresses it often. It makes it flow from me, not just back to him, but in a pay it forward kind of way. When you are getting it – and I have been – it makes life so much easier! I float on the love, kindness and gratitude I am receiving.

I’d like to stay here.

In the depths of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer (read all 3 entries…)
i found this

what a struggle the dark is for me each year.

i find my light….i will celebrate my light in the light.

i am so very happy.

Make 2012 the finest year of my life. (read all 7 entries…)
any moment now....

I land. Softly. Safely. Gently.

Into a more loving space.

A more value-laden space.

A more balanced place I longed for – for years to find.

A love in my life. Projects I develop and manage.

Creative use of energy.

Financial reward.

Loving life now. Breathe.

Healing has begun. A better life is about to begin.

Trust in you. Trust in it. It will come to you and yours.

Celebrate my successes in positive ways (read all 15 entries…)
Things didn't go as planned.

In some ways they got better.

In other ways they got worse.

But…following the chinese – do nothing – I am…on the right track of reframing the pace, the balance and the value of life, living and prioritization.

Nothing could define success more than what i want in my life.

I am getting what I want – more and more every day.

Ask: are there any narcisists I am enabling? (read all 11 entries…)
and on that note...I was out!

When I woke up to this truth – that it wasn’t about them – it was about me – enabling the narcissism in them – and putting out the welcome mat – and stopping that behavior on my end – my life improved…

my happiness factor did. Jan 1 was my rebirth on this. No to the relationship. It wasn’t OK and that isn’t love. Not anything healthy anyway. I got better. I moved on.
Even with clients. I am working on a better response for those who would use me as their doormat.

I found someone to love who is not an unhealthy narcissist. a very warm, open, loving responsive generous soul – who is what I alway deserved in my life – but allowed these narcissists to occupy that space for all these years – like a moth to the flame I was drawn to that version of love – yikes for me!!

I deserve the giving soul to match mine – not to exploit mine. I have never been so happy as to have found him. Finally. And in finding him – found this for me, too.

It took a long time – and it is worth it.

Firing clients, too. Finding a new path to earning a living not based on them – based on me and my value.

YEA!! It is working. I am a much happier person. More sane. Not anyone’s beoch.


live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
cornered me in the kitchen - he did

when i saw him at the early start of our weekend – he offered that he’d be my boyfriend – if it was ok to call him that…me, the girlfriend! don’t you love that moment – the one where you make this conscious decision to define what you are – so that you can identify it externally and internally….so we did. It was nice.

But, the next night, he declared, in the middle of a very small gathering of concert-goers – that he loved me. He knew I loved him, too. Well, I did say it back. But you all knew it a couple of weeks ago! I told him the effort to not say it was so great – I couldn’t hold it back any longer either. He just beat me to it.

I had gone to see Dark Shadows earlier in the week – and during the opening credits – they played Nights in White Satin – and my heart screamed from every pore of my being since Monday – Yes I love you! By the time I saw him Thursday it was emanating from me – expressed at every turn – that of course we had to let it go…

what a way to fall in love.

what a dream.

then we planted his garden on Sunday. a big beautiful bountiful garden.

we shall reap what we sow. as he said, the couple that gardens together, stays together. it is our plan. he has created utopia. i get to live in it…on weekends. My place during week nights. i am living life with the man of my dreams.

what a man. man-o-man. and he cooks. made me spectacular meals. turkey pesto feta burgers. wow. salads. steaks. portabella mushrooms marinated in balsamic with blue cheese. honestly…he is the man of my dreams.

Write or speak with gratitude each day. express it in writing to one person every day for 2012. (read all 3 entries…)
I appreciate people...

I am not as good as I should be in sincere expression in the moment of this. I must wake up to opportunities to express this.

make a home (read all 25 entries…)
If you could see it right now

It looks fabulous. Really well cared for. Still clutter in places but generally a clean, sleek look.

Bringing people into the space all the time helps keep it that way.

Can I say…finally?

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh...eighth

how many times can you gain validation….that you are living life with the man of your dreams…. i suppose when i am at 250…1690…10,602 – i will know. in the absence of a long time to know…it is at the moment a dream come true.

i love him. i knew it the first time we met. we are madly in love. it happened so fast. i am sure no one watching us would believe it – and yet it is so mistakably real and heart bursting to go through the experience of falling so crazily, madly in love.

I have no idea whether it will last. I just know what is.

This is what you wonder if you will ever find. And then one day it shows up…love. in the purest form. not the analytics version of love. just pure feeling. ow. oh. mmmm. bliss. joy. happiness. brain on a high. zen like life.

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
Third gathering...

showing me his world. Wow. how open and honest. here it is.

it is wonderful. lots of toys. lol

cares about the land, his family, his friends and creature comforts.

as for me…i watch, witness…learn and wonder… how much of my dreams he is made of…how much of my dream he lives.

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
i met someone

i knew within the first few hours i wanted to be with him…forever.

did anyone you ever meet convince you that they were it for you?

i have a long way to go in discovery however if there was someone who provided a warmth, a glow and a home in his arms….

it was there…just waiting for me.


Help my mother in ways I have never imagined I could. Find a way! (read all 18 entries…)
Each week, we get closer

We fight. She doesn’t want me bringing food. But I do. Healthy food that is good for her. Berries. That I know she won’t buy for herself but she will eat happily. She complains. “Stop bringing stuff.” But I do. It is such a small thing.

And a big impact in her quality of life. She doesn’t really allow me to help out in many ways. So, it is the small things.

Cleaning a closet. Not so much. But a lot.

February Bootcamp 2012: Play and Productivity! (read all 3 entries…)
I am still better on the productivity than the play

I signed up for a class….I was supposed to sign up for a class to play in. Instead, a business course!

So that was failure!!!

However, my productivity soared as I completed a step that had been out there for a year and a half – on a large project.

I can get there.

yee ha?

Practice the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with my word/ Don't take anything personally/ Don't make assumptions/ Always do my best (read all 6 entries…)
don't take anything personally

wow. this one is really important to me right now.

i am struggling to know this is true in how i was taken off a project. it isn’t about where i am – it is where they are.

i don’t want to be where they are.

i should be thrilled i am not on the project any longer.

feels hurtful when removed, as opposed to me being the one to say, i want to leave this plac.e

i should have said that.

i don’t know why i won’t and don’t say that

i am bad at leaving bad places and spaces. it isn’t about me

it is about that room – that space – that someone created.

as long as they let me stay – i will

but – i must learn to walk away from it.

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