am i meaningful to them? to him?
i am trying to be.
what is it to be meaningful?
is it listening to their stories? enjoying a conversation and just passing the time?
not sure what to do…other than love them. love them all. be there for them. find out who they are and how i connect with them.
not sure if the boyfriend – who this all centers on – finds what I feel – i think he does…the amount of time and meaning we bring to each other.
he brings meaning to me.
i feel meaningful. because of him. his family. all 5 generations. what a setting for a life and living. i feel embraced. loved. i wanted to bring meaning and he, and they brought it to me.
called the landlord….told him i am ready to buy…
he now doesn’t want to sell.
mmmm… now what? did he just decide for me?
I just got a huge contract. Paper is signed. Check is in! Life is good. Now…celebrate!
Thursday with my honey and others… this weekend.
I love the way life is.
I will also celebrate by getting a coach.
Mondays: Organize the week, do check writing, desk day, project manage
Tuesdays: Laundry, real estate focus, agenda
Wednesdays: Host meetings, out of office day for meetings
Thursdays: Review what must be done for week and deadlines upcoming
Friday: Calls and standing meetings
Budget and stick to it.
On top of the key parts coming together, something else has: happiness. Huge amounts that brim over within me. I am so happy. It is as if I couldn’t appreciate anymore what has happened for me in my life. It is the small things, too. I had the most incredibly happy day with my daughter and her friend in getting her to school and getting the two of them set up.
That was following an incredibly happy morning with my boyfriend where we just really connected with each other – spiritual kind of way. Which was followed by a week where the work kicked-off and is coming together nicely. Where I found the right people to contract with. It is all good.
It just points to one thing – I am really, really happy. I am so enjoying life, people and events. The rest of the world has so much anger and acrimony. I couldn’t be happier.
I went with him to a doctor’s appointment today and then we went to town for him to get an official document. Came back to my place where we had a put together lunch. We went to my room where he changed to go back to work, but we took time to have an incredibly real conversation about work, finances and how we can partner those efforts. How our finances would work in partnership – as a single household. How our incomes together could provide opportunity to build wealth – knowing that being two singles has been harder to do so in our adult lifetimes. We spoke about partnership. What a good one could look like. Being a strong support system for each other. I felt so close to him. I offered my feelings and put my thoughts out there with regard to what I see and how I feel about these matters. It felt good. I earn more than he does, but he doesn’t have to take his job home – as I live with mine all the time. We talked about the advantages and disadvantages of this. I envy his ability to leave it alone and have a personal life. A life I struggle to build because of my work. So together I think we have a perfect union.
i will commit to this thought at least once each day – and reach out for something I want or need to do.
Ideally, it is my time for a break, but if I have been taking too much of a break, it will be time for me to get moving!
I keep thinking I can get rid of this – and then I find out I cannot.
I must change this forever. Keep it until I do!
and I missed it…
he thought we had a fight. he followed me to the garden and wanted hugs and kisses. thought i was upset.
i had just gone for a walk to the garden with the puppy.
then, we actually had a disagreement. lol
Like what? I ask.
“Like a house together.” He says.
“You would move? You love your place. You belong there.” I say.
“I would move. We need a place for us. For privacy.”
“Wow.” I think. The world opens up.
We look at each other and smile.
He says, “Not yet. But we hope to be.”
As the mid-year review hits, unbelievable changes in this year for me!
The ripping open, the wound, the recovery, the healing, the new world that rises from the ashes…
A beautiful man who is committed to me. Who loves me. Who wants to build the world we always imagined…together.
A three year horizon to do my work – well funded and with a budget to boot.
A dream of developing in community that is coming alive – trusting in the right partners and relationships to pull it together. To be a team and work together.
It shapes up. It forms. It happens. If you can dream it you can live it.
I am very happy.
It is all there.
Do Nothing. Think.
Then manifest. Wow. It works just that way.
Great mid-year check in!
Loving this year – after some real pain in the first quarter. The second was phenomenal. Let’s see how the year ends. I love my life right now. Unbelievable.
started the guide for her this weekend.
let’s see if she reads it.
I have now been trying for 2 weeks to drop my last 10 pounds. I am down 4 pounds. Certain to break the barrier that has kept me for the last 7 years. In view.
His events are more down to earth, mine more structured and formal. However, the combination of the two works well for variety.
I am thinking ahead to next weekend…we are working on a project together and maybe I make that the key to the weekend with mini-surprise offerings in between.
Mine: dinners, formal events, five star hotels and restaurants.
His: backyard campfires, friends drinking together, biking
what i want to do: yoga together, and make him a dinner/lunch treat
sometimes, you got to take what comes.
that was it.
spent time during a storm.
hopefully that was reassuring, too.
OK, so, to summarize:
Got rid of the personal relationship partnership with a narcissist.
I now am in love with a very caring, generous, sweet partner who finds ways to meet my needs in ways I cannot even begin to understand how fully. He is on top of whatever I say I want or need – whether directed toward him or not. He looks for ways to make me happy. And it is reciprocal I happily give my love, time and attention to him. He doesn’t ask for anything – and when he does – he appreciates my willingness to help him. We have things we do for each other out of a sense of love – not obligation and it keeps giving back into a feedback loop.
Got rid of client relationships with 2 of them. I now hold the center and we work together….not my way or the highway!
But My way which is “with me” not “for me” “for you” or “get moving”
Collaboration….standing in the center and working well in relationships, partnerships, working relationships, and more.
I am happy. Took a financial hit in the reposition, but it is better.
Good things are happening.
Stop enabling narcissists. It is a good thing for me to keep on the front burner for a year or so. Until I develop new habits.
Keep exploitive self-centered men – who only want their outcome and couldn’t care less about mine – from becoming my norm – again. It is a good thing. That first family imprint is a tough one to overcome. yikes.
got it. finally. what a reposition my life has taken – once again. Course corrections are constant – and hopefully – always in a more positive productive happy outcome for me in my life. Less drama. More peace. More love.
and….so far it works.
we’ll see on the battle ground if it holds.