Beginnings Here

Finding Me in ease in 2014

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Make 2012 the finest year of my life. (read all 7 entries…)
that bandaid rip...ow

still smarting. lots of pain remains. i know it was needed. doesn’t stop the stinging from happening.

so much is up in the air as to how this could possibly be a year that is my finest.

like always, many things are going right. however, i have had a severe setback work wise from what should have been a phenomenal opportunity. that said, i hope to pull it together for the year. it can become the finest year of my life. it looks like a real challenge for it to be that from where i stand.

i always believe i jump off these ledges and what saves me is my wings. i do not jump without a net. my wings: my skills, talents, love of life and appreciation for what i get to do in the world carry me to a safe landing place. in the meantime, the flight can be terrifying, but i know to breathe into it, trust myself, and there will be a safe landing into a much better place.

i am in that terrifying moment before i breathe.

breathe. breathe. breathe.

Write or speak with gratitude each day. express it in writing to one person every day for 2012. (read all 3 entries…)
this has been harder than i thought.

i was on the recieving end of this yesterday and today and it makes me feel so wonderful.

it is so easy to do this.

i must make this a practice!!!

tell my daughter - everyday - how much she means to me (read all 28 entries…)
It was valentine's day yesterday

I got a package in the mail – special delivery of the candy hearts that I would always get for my daughter. She sent them to me.

I was not a good mom. I had not done the same.

I raised a thoughtful kid.

I was not as thoughtful as she was.

I tried to do a make-good, but it isn’t the same.

Why didn’t I prioritize this and how can I improve my demonstration of the traditions that she is carrying on – even if I am not?

I must consciously bring this to her.

I love that kid. She is remarkable.

Have a one word resolution for 2012 (read all 2 entries…)

I embrace you all and the 43 Things we do…together.

thank you all for being here, with me, and moving our worlds, separately and yet together.

I embrace you this year.

February Bootcamp 2012: Play and Productivity! (read all 3 entries…)
I'm going to Improv Saturday to Play

Oh Yea…

tell my daughter - everyday - how much she means to me (read all 28 entries…)
Christmas Break was Good...and bad

I had finally gotten used to her not being here, and had fallen into a pattern of life without her here.

Then, she came home and the two of us were so happy together again, and yet, trying, both of us, to figure out what from the old habits stayed in place and what new stuff needed to be created and embedded in what we are now. It wasn’t too tough, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought either.

These are not unusual and I was ready for this, but living it was a blessing and a curse….ha ha.

I think when she is home for the summer, i need to be more proactive on expectations about us together, apart and time spent in family vs free time, etc… We need to consciously figure that out.

I love that kid.

Live in gratitude everyday! (read all 3 entries…)
enough of this sadness for january...

death, loss, financial setbacks, what does it tell me? a necessary part of life is loss. it is from there we appreciate what we still have.

what we experience…we learn from whether good or bad

go on a silent retreat (read all 6 entries…)
Go away alone for a long weekend

This month.

I will try this.

Drive the distance.

stay in a hotel by myself.

Speak without socializing.

Just be.

be a good mother
I am a good mother

I have been a good mother since I gave birth to my child.

I put this here to remind me that now that my daughter is gone, I must remain a good mother.

That is easy for me.

I love my child.

I will support her needs during her “adult in training” period.

Not a doubt.

I have done this.

February Bootcamp 2012: Play and Productivity! (read all 3 entries…)
This is a great goal for me

I haven’t played in a long time.

January was a time of reflecting.

Maybe even a little wallowing in where I needed to be for awhile.

February to move on to PRODUCTIVITY is a Great Goal for me.

The combination of the two will be very challenging.

I am ready for this!! Great Goal, Team.

January Bootcamp 2012: Fresh Starts and New Aspirations (read all 3 entries…)
I find a way to fresh starts and new aspirations

waded. not jumped in.

not diving in.

just walking gently toward it.

feels like 2012 is going to be a year that way.

wading into it.

that is a fresh start for me.

i am a dive right in kind of person.

that is a new aspirational goal.


good stuff for 2012

Rabbit trail a morning with movement and maintaining house and health (read all 5 entries…)
Mornings where I do laundry and clean the kitchen feel like I am accomplishing the maintaining house

The health part – incorporated in my morning smoothie. Must start with moving.

Moved this morning.

In a way the brain appreciated.

Good stuff.

Practice the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with my word/ Don't take anything personally/ Don't make assumptions/ Always do my best (read all 6 entries…)
Be impeccable with my word

This is both very easy and very hard

I overcommit.

I do a lot.

So, I generally am impeccable with my word.

Not all the time.

This is the hardest one of all for me.

I must learn to not over commit

Become meaningful into the lives of others (read all 3 entries…)
For the past 18 years my life was in one direction

I was a mom first. A company owner second. a wife or significant other during most of the time. Had both parents. Siblings.

Now, the time has shifted. The original group which gave meaning to my life is over. Or about to end. A real who moved my cheese moment.

The needs are very different and no longer provide the “after work” meaningfulness for me. I must go find what value and meaning I can bring to the lives of others in a different room now. A different place.

It puts me into that space: what do I care about? who cares about me? how do I make my life meaningful in a new way to a new group of people while still holding those I love in a different level of attention?

It feels like starting over. Empty nesterhood. I guess it is starting over.

I feel like I understand, for the first time in my life, friends who have not felt connected to anything, or can’t find their niche in life. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. Rare. Almost new. Awkward. Frightening. Yet, full of potential to reinvent what comes next.

I keep imagining a life of living somewhere else. A well crafted escape to a place that I can bring meaningfulness to me and “them”. Don’t know who “them” is. I just know it isn’t here.

It feels like a need to break free from the binds that keep me stuck in a certain slot here in my life. I feel I can see the life I want. It isn’t here. It isn’t with the city I love. It isn’t with the people here. It is somewhere else. Somewhere where I am needed in a new way for me. A new way for them.

This is a stream of consciousness for me. I just want to go. Maybe I find my way back. Maybe I don’t. But I am tired of watching from the sidelines when there is so much to be done.

I want to be alive in a new way. As the church bells in my town ring, it feels like a celebratory announcement. Like the wedding bells tolling. It is good.

New steps in a new direction. Let’s see where this leads.

January Bootcamp 2012: Fresh Starts and New Aspirations (read all 3 entries…)
it has been working

just about over.

i was so strong in yoga today. loved the sauna today. very wonderful. my strength has returned.

avocados, juicing, smoothies, very healthy foods from my pantry and freezer.

haven’t walked. but moving

need to kick in the gratitude more.

i will be happy with my fresh starts and new aspirations for the year.

more like wading into them, rather than diving in

it has been gentle and embracing,

very good for me.

Get my credit score to 800 by next June (read all 11 entries…)
Not sure if I am going to get there or not.

I dropped it by 50 or so points by using the credit. Still make all my payments so I am not sure what happened.

Really frustrating as I try to learn how and why. I am not paying off my whole card this month, for the first time, in order to “use” the credit. My bank manager said I need to do this to get my score up.

Honestly, what a sham system this is!!! Very frustrating.

Have a one word resolution for 2012 (read all 2 entries…)
My one word


My self.

My life.

My daughter. My mother. My friends. My work. My family. My community. My business partners. My ventures. My passions. My love of learning. My vices. My shadow self. My dark side. My world. The people in it. My home. My clutter (ha!). My loving, warm, generous self. My little girl inside. My vulnerabilities. My fears. My shame. My vibrance. My energy. My contributions. My fame. My talents and skills. My failings. My failures. My choices. My successes. My birthday. My need to learn. My need to make the world a better place. My love for all things alive. My humanity. My destiny. My karma. My drama. My life as it unfolds, as it should. My challenges. My climb. My dysfunction. My staff. My power. My growth. My evolution. My connection. My connections. My methodology. My unique ways of looking and doing. My abilities. My mythology. My websites. My love. My voice. My internal views. My spirituality. My giving. My gratitude. My best parts. My outdoor environment. My locomotion. My movement. My ability to move. My vision. My mission. My spectacular opportunities. My rare position on earth. My home. My health. My wealth. My sky. My sun. My living landscape. My breath. My life.

Live in gratitude everyday! (read all 3 entries…)
every day, worthwhile

Is today the National Day of Depression or the Chinese New Year – the year of the dragon which leads to a happy and prosperous year?

It is both.

Which will you celebrate? Are you Eore (sp) or Tigger?

live life with the man of your dreams (read all 14 entries…)
Line in "To Sir With Love"

Marriage isn’t for the selfish, the weak or the insecure.

Great thought.

Make 2012 the finest year of my life. (read all 7 entries…)
I just made either the best decision or the worst of my year

I was stuck in a place of limbo for the past couple of years. On a key issue affecting my time, priorities, and energy.

This past week, I reipped the bandaid off and I will now bleed to death or mend and be better than ever. Interesting how you can never be sure about which it will be. Science says, you will mend, so what was your worry in the first place? However, it doesn’t stop us from believing we are not well enough in some way to allow the science to succeed.

This will open the door, I hope to make my 2012 the finest year of my life. They keep getting better. I am very happy about that.

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