Bon_05

I now buy petrol regularly at a petrol station where a guy i get with on the weekend works! i was always scared i would look stupid by driving in the wrong way, not poping the tank thingo, stoping at the wrong bowser. But does all that shit really matter, im still a nice considerate person! And would i really look dumb if i did that i don’t know??!

But i’m over it

I believe to beable to create confidence you have to figure out why you don’t have confidence! I thought i knew why i wasn’t confident but after writing down all the things i do and don’t do related to my confidence i traced it back to i want to be accepted. Accepted through love and affection from both my family, friends and new people i meet! Due to wanting to be accepted and liked by new people i meet and people close to me i have created very bad thinking patterns and habbits. I am always paranoid in the sense i am always looking around to see if there is anyone i know around me, and if there was i would feel axiouse and worried. What if i do this wrong and what if i say something dumb, because around different people i would say and do things differently. That i didnt even know untill i thought why do i care who’s around! I also couldn’t even pretend to be confident because other people feel threatened and jelouse by happy people so i wouldn’t even act confident to make sure that people continued to like me! I avoid seeing people out of our confort zone, meaning the people i drink with at the pub or see out on the weekends i wouldnt go and shop where they worked because they liked me at the pub but what if i shop at there shop and they see i am a really stupid person and they wont want to be my frend anywhere! I tell you it is hard to face your fears but once you beat them your feel confident already just with small as things! I also get very bad anxiety especially at work meetings! It doesn’t matter what there talking about i always seem to think that people are thinking yep she does that (as in me) Eg. they’ll be talking about people wearing the wrong shoes or the book that got stolen out of the tea room! Now i didn;t do any of those things nor would i ever steal but for some reason i always seem to think people think i do everything bad! and i get dizzy and my heart rate goes up and i feel as though my face i red.
If there is anyone else out there that suffers from the same thoughts or problems please keep in touch!
For the people trying to build a self esteem try to figure out why you have low self esteem from your behaviours and once you figure it out change your negative thoughts(which are usually made up) into positive ones and acheieve small goals to get to the sourse of the problem!

Im not over weight, and dont look it however i have put on weight and i am still growing! But i would like to porve to myself that i can eat healthy and exercise regulary! And by doing that i will tone up and feel more confident