i feel like i need to do this as an exercise more than anything. but because im not passionate about the story i dont want to spend too much money on it. for the same reason i think its the perfect way to break in as a short film director. it takes the pressure off. its a nice simple story and i need to stop fucking around with the dialogue because the actors will change it for the better anyway. i need to do this – just do it!
at my new job alot of producers from a local tv show come in. ive decided to work on a spec script for this show. in the meantime i’ll work on building a friendly rapport with said producers until the time is right to test the waters and see if they will take the time to read it.
i have just had an article published (unpaid) on a blog, and been offered a spot in their next issue, also unpaid. i have also been invited to pitch for a commissioned article, which i submitted today. i love the internet!
if this fails i will try other online places, maybe the vine and lifelounge.
as for print, i want to write an article for frankie as they seem very open to submissions and i like their philosophy. Oyster and some film mags are other ideas.
i just got accepted for a grad cert in screenwriting at the most prestigious film school in the country! the course is focused on finishing a feature script so im really stoked on this.
so i got a new job and im starting monday. im really proud of how quickly i went into writer mode and with what i churned out and generally how i reacted to being made redundant. but i think it was a touch premature to think i was ready yet to support myself with my writing. HOWEVER. it did really get me started thinking about this being the direction im headed in. as a result of having had this time to reasses my goals and direction career-wise, im going to set up some related goals for next year.
i got really close to going alone today but then it started raining and i dont know the teacher on monday and…i just CANT STAND how easy it is to make excuses not to do something that i love!!although it really is alot easier and more enjoyable to go with a friend.
this will sound lame, but ive been single a while now and keep being attracted to men that have emotional issues and need taking care of, and generally dont have a positive outlook. i have this weird feeling like the guy ive been waiting for might be found at the dance studio i go to. i like the idea of dating somebody positive and fit who shares a passion with me. maybe its just wishful thinking. if nothing else, dance also seems like a good way to meet new people. i could do with some more positive, mellow friends. mine are being a bit bitchy at the moment.
the only way to get better is to practice. i have plenty of time now. i think i need to stop relying on others to determine whether i go, to just be braver if i can and try to enjoy it alone. probably easier to make new friends that way, too. dancing feels like the yang to my writing’s yin. the two creative forms really feed off each other. and dancing is fantastic for letting off steam and generally moderating my add.
its the walking there thats the scariest, and the waiting in the room before the teacher arrives. when im walking there im thinking, “what am i doing? this is going to be so daunting and exhausting” and when im waiting i feel like everybody is staring at me. but once i start moving its pretty easy to not give a fuck anymore about anything but keeping up. i hate anxiety.
i am doing so much writing since i lost my job, its fantastic! im starting a blog as we speak, working on my script, journalling and writing articles etc. in my quest to land freelance work . so happy! i really like 43 things because its totally private (nobody i know knows that im on here) but because its public i still get feedback and interact with other users. for that reason i will always come back here, because i can say whatever i want, uncensored.
after much trepidation ive bitten the bullet and decided to go with tumblr. wordpress layout is too dull and the blogspot one is so ugly. im really nervous about people i know reading stuff thats personal but hey. ill try to walk the line between having an opinion and giving too much away.
im so psyched ill be there in one month! im really curious as to whether ill love or hate it, as people who have been there seem to feel strongly for or against it. id love to get there and be able to picture myself living and working there. i really want to go to high voltage tattoo and venice beach, even if it is the middle of winter. the US is a country that is so exposed and so a part of my awareness culturally, so i feel like getting to visit will fill in alot of the blanks in my imaginings of it. i think it will give me a new perspective on my own country, too. god i love travelling, it feels like its been way too long! i think im going to really like americans too, they seem so friendly which is a bonus after one too many snobby euro countries!
as far as big dogs go, a Newfoundland would be great, there sone in my neighbourhood and theyre so huge and beautiful! but apparently they drool alot!
at the top of my list, realistically, is: italian greyhound, french bulldog, boston terrier. i really want one so bad, but not till i know i can give it a happy life. ive wanted a dog ever since i could remember. we had a dachshund but my mum gave it away. i struggle to look after my cat sometimes, he can be quite bossy and attention-seeking and even destructive when he’s bored, so i think i should wait till i have a bigger house and more money and am more settled.
i wrote this entry last friday:
i got made redundant yesterday. it was a real shock but im trying to see it as a positive, as an opportunity. in my job i felt like i was waiting to be the person i would become. i yearned, when asked “so what do you do?” to be able to reply “im a writer” instead of “im a receptionist”.
im 25 and my life is passing me by. im tired of waiting. its crazy, but this could be a chance to become a writer for me. i dont want to go back to a job where my contribution means very little and i am not intellectually challenged or valued. i want a job where my contribution is something i am proud of.
lately id been fantasising alot about the day i would become a freelance writer. its crazy as im not very experienced and i dont know how much work there is. but i do have connections and am of the impression that there is a lack of good writers in this industry.
before i leave for good i should try to let everyone in the office know that im looking for work as a writer.
today is tuesday, and in addition i would like to add that ive spoken to our head of development and gotten some real direction since then. im going to write spec scripts for tv shows i want to write for, ive already subscribed to loads of screenwriting blogs, put the word out amongst colleagues and im going to submit an article to a local cultural website tomorrow. ive also decided to start a blog. my friend and i have decided to do lots of networking thsi summer, as thats how many freelancers get gigs. kicking off by going to a film festival tomorrow night.pow!
tomorrow is the start of my new life as a freelance writer. ive been trying to work out whether to go with wordpress, tumblr etc. and what the theme of my blog should be. ive written 3 short entries already and have some ideas for names. im pretty shy about anyone i know reading it. but its a necessary step for my career, i suppose. ive been off facebook for a while, and id like to keep it more professional when i return, to almost create an online “persona” thats separate from my real personality.
so as of December ie tomorrow im unemployed. im using this to focus more on what i love, writing being #1 and hip hop being up there too. i love class and i love dancing in clubs, but i gotta say when i see crews busting out in formation, unless theyre super tight, that i find it usually lame. Because dancing to me is about expressing individuality, so watching everyone do the same thing (unless theyre contributing to a bigger picture) seems uncreative. im really psyched to start working on this goal right away :)
today some friends were talking about how great Valparaiso in Chile is. street art, food, beaches. i think it will be fun to collect info from travellers and piece together a big trip for myself in the next few years.
i got made redundant this week. so it doesnt seem like a sensible time to be spending my savings on making a film. but the script is really close now, so even though i have alot of job hunting to do, im still going to try to get everything set up so that as soon as i have a steady income again i can make my short film.
i was recently made redundant so for now my brilliant auto-debiting scheme is cancelled. still, i made it to $8240.81 which is pretty close. and after i get my pay out, i am aiming to get a new job before i spend it all, so can hopefully put a chunk of my redundancy pay into my savings and reach (or even exceed!) this goal.
there’s a big difference between writing and directing. and since im not that experienced directing i believe alot of my procrastinating has been because im trying to figure out how to define that line and step over it, which is a largely mental process as im still dealing with the same piece of work either way. in the last few weeks ive started approaching my script from a directors point of view and its going well. ive realised i could rewrite this story forever in so many more different versions but thats not what the aim is. im still focusing on having fun so im not picturing any deadlines or aiming to shoot any particular time. but it does feel like this epic process is finally drawing to a close. im focusing on more practical things now, and the narrative is pretty much fixed and im happy with it. i know it so well by now that im confident justifying everything thats in there (unlike previously when many of my choices were an absolute mystery to me!). its just dialogue and fine-tuning facts in the story now. and lots of fun directing stuff like costume and style, colours and sounds and framing, references and casting.
i guess the next step after ive done some more plotting and a final rewrite is to get my producer back on board. this project has been such an unexpectedly epic learning curve, alternately hanging over my head tormenting me and filling me with guilt and self-doubt, and other times providing a safe haven from the loneliness of life and disappointment in other people.
just re reading my 10,000 hours entry. i was so inspired after reading that book. i find that i need to mix up the places where i write – i used to do really well here at the office but now i just feel overwhelmed by the silence and the white everywhere. ive recently gotten some cute lamps in our kitchen so for a bit i was loving writing at the kitchen table. the other day i did some great stuff from bed, sitting on propped up pillows and facing my little star shaped fairy light for inspiration. i guess variety is the key for me.
the problem with trying to write for 15 hours on the weekend is that it doesnt leave time for me to mellow out or catch up with friends. and if i dont get to do those things then i dont feel like my life is balanced, which makes me unhappy, which makes it hard to be creative.
getting amongst the maths of it, i could aim for 2 hours during the week and 5 on weekend days. i could do one hour in the morning, at lunch or during the day and then one at night.
i find i can usually only go for one hour at a time anyway and then i need a break or i just get drained and lose interest. and 10 hours over the weekend is way more manageable than 15. i really want to hold on to the sense of enthusiasm and possibility that i felt when i wrote that entry 6 months ago. its so amazing that im already half way to my goal without even trying that hard. writing just comes naturally – its funny to remember that the only reason i chose extra english units in school or to major in writing at uni was because i knew it would be easy for me – it had more to do with laziness than actually wanting to write or seeing a future in it!
had a one-off with a rad new therapist who is also into meditation – it was great to talk to someone with the same worldview and get some guidance. she said ive done really well coping with all the stress ive been through in the last 2 months. she gave me a listening cd which im going to try and do with a friend next week.
she recommended that i try to do it every day and that i do it a little before i write. i got up early and sat for 20 mins after getting ready and showering which worked well as i dawdles less getting ready and was able to relax more when sitting as i knew i was ready to go.
what you think is what you are. which is why im trying to think about writing as often as i can. wasting time thinking about people who irritate me or fears that i have are just that – a waste of time. meditation is really helping me prioritise my life and control my thoughts – use my mind to help me get where i want to be, instead of dragging me down into anxiety and depression.
i can write in the morning, at lunch and after work. i was recommended to sit for a little before writing, too.
im watching a live stream of the Cholos Hawaiian Pro and hearing them talk about the rad waves over on the west coast. I cant wait to be a writer fulltime so i can do things like work on my surfing, travel around Aus writing about this country and having adventures.