CPowers

I still smoke. I worked so hard last year at quitting so needless to say I failed. But tomorrow is another day. I have found that if you “really” don’t want to quit but doing it for your kids, spouse, money, whatever the reason then you may be setting yourself up for failure. I want to stop smoking but right now I know that trying I would fail again. I am going to make this much higher on my list when school is back in session. I did find it easier to go throughout the day when I work and since I work in a school I’m on summer break so once again, to much time on my hands and not strong enough yet. But the fight is not over. I know I WILL beat this monster. Good job to all the people who quit. I sure envy you. And keep on trying to those stuggling. Our time is coming…

Well, it’s been about a year and I still smoke. crap. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. I got a job (yippy) I was a homemaker for the past 10 years and I’m so happy I’m working. I love getting up and having somewhere to go and to dress up nicely. I work in a elementary school so smoking makes me really self concious now. I smoke on the way to work and pretty much the whole time spray myself with a body mist so when I get to work I don’t smell like smoke to the kids. I leave and smoke 1 cig at lunch…same thing…spray myself silly…I choose a body mist because it is not as strong so I’m not blowing everyone away when I come back in. But isn’t all that planning and worring stupid? I would like to quit and not have to worry about it…working has made me cut down but I feel like I just have a little bit to go and I could quit…now, though, why can I not make that final leap…? Am I that much of a weenie? Am I this weak for real? I am or I would quit…I look at the other teachers and I envy them. I want to not think about it. I will give this more thought but sooner or later I’m going to have to take this leap. This habit is using my paycheck and that totally sucks.

It has been somewhat a struggle but it’s not killing me. Moments I don’t think I can do this and moments when I know I won’t let myself fail. They say the first 3 days are the hardest but that is when all the nicotine leaves your body. The first 3 weeks and then it should be smooth sailing. May 14th is my 3 week period. My addiction should be broken then right?? I am a homemaker and I usually have a lot of time on my hands during the day anyway but today it seems I have an endless amount. I tried taking a nap, didn’t work, tried to watch tv, didn’t work. Fixing to clean some house and run a errand but then after that what? What do I do with the extra time?? Oh well, I’ll struggle through. I wish I could go back in time 22 years and never pick up that first cig. I wish of all the stupid things I did in my life, that one I can go back and fix. The other stupid crap I believe has made me stronger. This one has questioned my strength and took all my money and made me weak in the mind. But I am strong willed, I just need to find it again. I will make it through today.