Caitlan

possibly the subway was not the smartest place to suddenly get this goal but there was a sad looking guy wearing a shirt with buttons, and a watch, and reading something about investing and I thought he should have a kiss and while it’s not a real regret I am not planning on doing it again.

My enlightenment comes and goes for a few months at a time. I miss it. I got it by doing something really similar to the power of now, just thinking about how incredibly good each moment feels. Modern people (except the chronically ill and other special cases) are almost always physically comfortable and most of my problems are concerns about the future or myself. Even when I am physically uncomfortable it’s the thought of what I wish I was doing or how much longer I have to be uncomfortable that really bothers me.

Those circles made me look old or sick or something! I’m sure they’ll come back for finals week but I got rid of them by sleeping for hours every single night and entirely giving up daily eye makeup. I am completely incapable of leaving my eyes alone so I would always smudge it under my eyes and even though I’d wash it off the washing was bad for my under eye circles.

I still wear it on occasions, but for everyday fake eyelashes are a lot less messy than mascara. And that's coming from someone who used mascara for 6 years and never mastered keeping it on on a rainy day or taking it off completely every night but is pretty proficient at fake eyelashes after a week.

I love the bank! Some people don’t, but the bank is so friendly! And at wells fargo I don’t get charged for my account (I think that would normally happen with a balance as low as mine) because my mom direct deposits into it.

Also if you choose a bank with a lot of branches you can go there in any town and they will take care of you and give you (your) money in ones or even quarters if it is laundry day!

I guess my school has a naked run in fall every year but I missed the last one because I was busy. Busy wearing clothes and staying indoors and not exerting myself.

I live in Cali so even when it rains it’s not too cold. I recommend going out barefoot and in extremely minimal clothes.

I’ve known people who looked immensely better after veneers fixed their broken discolored teeth but for me it was just a vanity thing. I am using at-home whitening gel with peroxide because my teeth were not white. I have done the 14 day system for two days and I think I’m going to stop because it hurt my gums the second time.

I’m spoiled because my last church was amazing, with great architecture, tasteful and inspiring decorations, talented musicians and a warm congregation. I hope when I find a local church it has that key piece, a priest who can discuss the same material but in a thought provoking way. My last priest was addicted to reader’s digest stories, the adorable ones. Also repetition.

Since there were so many books I outgrew the intended demographic during the series (I was born in late 88) but even given that the last book was just so bad. She’s still stylistically a fine writer but it reads like a fanfiction (something else I’ve outgrown), especially the epilogue. Why have an epilogue? I guess I have never enjoyed an epilogue.

It read like it was really constrained by the demands of being a finale. But POTC had the same obstacle and managed it in a fun, absurd way so you know it can be done.

Every time it gets past my shoulders it gets split ends and I start to think how cute it would be if I cut it and how good I could look with a pixie cut or layers. And since I both hate hairdressers (only in their professional capacity) and get these impulses in the middle of the night I always do it myself and I am getting better but I should still stop.

Japanese is the hardest language! I recommend quizlet.com because it makes you review it if you get it almost right. Because almost right is fully good enough for history, english, science, and good enough for me but it is not good enough for Japanese.

I took a year of Spanish and it was easy and fun. I’m not really drawn to Spanish but it seems easier than the two languages I am drawn to. I plan to practice by reading one book in spanish every month. I am starting with an interior design book called Children’s Rooms.

I started learning 7 years ago. 4 years ago my parents bought me a student cello. I’ve taken lessons for 4 years. Cello is just hard enough that I have never sustained interest in it. My inclination is to describe myself as a beginning cellist but the very beginning books and pieces are so boring and so I think I am an advanced beginner. On a scale of 1 to 100, with 1 as a person who got a cello today and doesn’t like it and 100 a master concert cellist, I am a 12.

I have a plan, though. I am going to play cello every single day. Not sure how long to play. But every session I am going to go through tuning (can’t tune), warm ups, and learn one of the pieces from my books I never learned. Once I have mastered my beginning cellist books I am going to join orchestra. Also, every 21 sequential days that I play I get to buy a popular or interesting cello book. I am thinking of the HP and LOTR soundtracks for my first 42 days.

I am super scared of new things and new people. Like, the amount of fear a regular person would have if asked to dance a ballet nude in front of a stadium full of people is the amount of fear I have if I have to ask a cashier to ring me up. Obviously I have to ignore this to a large extent in order to function. The net effect is that I can do some things (karaoke, presentations, basically anything in front of loads of people) comparatively easily because I spend every day ignoring my little voice that says “No! Don’t approach anyone or put yourself out!”.

It’s compounded by my superiority complex- since I’m pretty, smart, nice, and funny the fact that people don’t flock to me seems wrong. Very wrong.

I really like the ocean but I live 20 miles away and don’t have a car and boards aren’t allowed on the bus. So I’m thinking I should move closer, make surfer friends, and go from there.

I looked completely diseased that day but the pamplet says that allergies are fine. I had poison oak (about 9 days old) on my face- I wonder if they tagged my blood to be tossed.

Also everything about being weak afterward is completely true. I took the bus across campus instead of walking, ate almost twice as much as I normally do, and foolishly biked 4 miles on hills- I do it twice a day but I was gasping and had to lay down when I got home. Then I walked up a flight of stairs to get more food and had to lie down a second time.