My boyfriend of over 3 years committed suicide on July 9th, and I am having trouble accepting his death. It is so difficult, because besides missing him in the present, I have so many memories of the past and a lack of hope for the future. I am having no problem accepting my own death, it is the death of others that is causing me so much grief and anxiety. He was only 20… so intelligent… so creative… and an extraordinary best friend/boyfriend…I feel as though I have lost my link to reality.
CallMeAlaska's Life List
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1. eat healthy
1 entry2,884 people -
2. become a morning person.
1 entry1,405 people -
3. be more selfless
1 entry58 people -
4. Reduce my ecological footprint
374 people -
6. Record an album
1 entry . 1 cheer1,127 people -
7. Never let the people I care most about feel unappreciated
2 cheers17 people -
8. Establish a healthier relationship with myself.
2 cheers42 people -
9. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination
1 entry . 2 cheers18,102 people -
10. Laugh. A lot. Genuinely.
1 cheer360 people -
11. Rule a small island nation
1 entry . 2 cheers45 people -
12. be less judgmental
1 entry . 2 cheers175 people -
13. Never stop learning
1 entry . 4 cheers3,913 people -
14. meditate daily
1 entry . 1 cheer3,893 people -
15. be here now
1 entry . 1 cheer94 people -
16. keep a commonplace book
7 people -
17. move to washington d.c.
34 people -
18. get a kitten
438 people -
19. get a puppy
1,273 people -
20. grow my nails
418 people -
21. ski more
128 people -
22. never drink coffee
1 entry3 people -
23. sleep less
1 entry599 people -
24. be nicer to my grandma
1 entry . 2 cheers7 people -
25. read every book I own
2 entries . 3 cheers2,072 people -
26. stop buying unnecessary things
1 cheer83 people -
27. Expand my DVD collection.
1 entry . 1 cheer30 people -
28. be a better student
1 entry . 1 cheer193 people -
29. travel the world
2 entries . 3 cheers17,807 people -
30. Become fluent in more than one language
2 entries . 2 cheers1,297 people -
31. Have adventures
3 cheers203 people -
32. Live in a foreign country for at least a year
1 entry . 2 cheers128 people -
33. have a career that i love
1 cheer38 people -
34. accept death
1 entry41 people -
35. Adopt a baby
1 entry . 1 cheer471 people -
36. Get a tattoo
2 entries . 1 cheer19,586 people -
37. Divide by zero
1 entry . 3 cheers59 people -
38. commit random acts of kindness
1 entry . 4 cheers231 people -
39. Write something. Anything. Sentence. Paragraph. Short Story. Novel. Epic. Anything.
1 entry . 3 cheers263 people -
40. Make people laugh.
2 cheers564 people -
41. philosophise
7 people -
42. Be Happy Alone
3 entries . 11 cheers69 people -
43. learn to cook. Really cook.
2 entries . 4 cheers1,740 people
Recent entries
My thoughts
23 months ago
Difficult times
1 year ago
My boyfriend of 4 years took his life on Monday evening. He was only 20, and it has been a very difficult week. I have had this goal for a long time, but now it seems more like a necessity than a goal. I hate this intense grief, I miss him so terribly and cannot fathom that he is actually gone. I will never love someone the same way I loved this boy, and any advice or support on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated.
Untitled
2 years ago
A small sparrow on my neck like julianne moore in children of men. this is what i desire
