I'm doing 13 things
has just completed the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and has determined it to be a most excellent book. As a result he is considering writing his own zombie homage to the classics. These are a few ideas he’s pursuing.
Romeo and Juliet and Zombies
JULIET
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.
ROMEO (from behind)
Braaiinz!
JULIET
Oh Snap!
A Study in Scarlet, and Green, and Grey
A Sherlock Holmes – Zombie Hunter story
We were ushered into a small chamber, where a police inspector noted down our prisoner’s name and the names of the men with whose murder he had been charged. The official was a white-faced, unemotional man, who went through his duties in a dull, mechanical way. “The prisoner will be put before the magistrates in the course of the week,” he said; “in the meantime, Mr. Jefferson Hope, have you anything that you wish to say? I must warn you that your words will be taken down, and may be used against you.”
“I’ve got a good deal to say,” our prisoner said slowly. “I want to tell you gentlemen all about it.”
“Hadn’t you better reserve that for your trial?” asked the inspector.
“I may never be tried,” he answered. You needn’t look startled. It isn’t suicide I am thinking of. Are you a doctor?” He turned his fierce dark eyes upon me as he asked this last question.
“Yes, I am,” I answered.
“Then put your hand here,” he said, with a smile, motioning with his manacled wrists towards his chest.
I did so; and became at once conscious of an extraordinary throbbing and commotion which was going on inside. The walls of his chest seemed to thrill and quiver as if some monstrous thing strove to break out. In the silence of the room I could hear a dull humming and buzzing noise like insects delving through flesh.
“Why,” I cried, you have the Solanum virus!
“That’s what they call it,” he said, placidly. “I went to a doctor last week about it, and he told me that I will be feasting on the brains and entrails of humans within the fortnight. I got it from a shambling corpse in the Salt Lake Mountains. I’ve done my work now, and I don’t care how soon I go, but I should like to leave some account of the business behind me. I don’t want to be remembered as a common walking dead.”
The inspector and the two detectives had a hurried discussion as to the advisability of beheading him on the spot.
Waiting for Godot’s Braaiinz
Estragon
Braainz!
Vladimir
Braaiinz!
Godot
Oh hey guys. You know what? I totally forgot that we were supposed to meet up. I am sooo sorry! Have you guys been waiting long? You look like shi… Wait! What are you doing… stop that… Oh God no!
Estragon
Braainz!
Vladimir
Braaiinz!
Godot
Braaiinz!
