Learning to live authentically

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Watch 43 TED talks
1. Gender

I have watched quite a few TED talks but I’m only going to post the ones that I feel touch me. The issue of gender is often misunderstood therefore this is the first TED talk I wish to share. Dr. Norman Spack works with youth on their issues of gender. This has nothing to do with sexuality, but with how you classify yourself – male or female. I hope you find the talk interesting.

Norman Spack: How I help transgender teens become who they want to be

learn to nurture myself (read all 2 entries…)

I have been notified I have burnout. Considering the last three weeks I’ve been in bed slowly recovering from falling severely down the stairs, an act I know happened but I don’t remember how, and previously the past 18 months grieving and at times suicidal, just wanting to get away… Having read this article on burnout – along with a couple of others, I wave the white flag. But how do I start a stress free morning? My life is … I don’t know it anymore. Healing takes time. Time I have.

be happy
"Life Is Difficult." ~ M. Scott Peck from The Road Less Travelled

I have found lately that all my mind is providing me with are ways to check out of the life I am living including hospices, mental wards, and suicide. None of which I need nor would make me happy, nor would help my loved ones. But when you are tired on profound levels your life becomes blank and bleak.

Stress builds up within us over time, from weeks to years. Before you know it, you are doing the unhappy. Who stole your life? Why aren’t you doing anything you enjoy?

I have PTSD. It’s showing it’s ugly head right now. But I decided this morning that I can either say “I’m tired/stressed” and let people in or let my mind run wild with as much negativity as it likes resulting in tears, isolation and self loathing.

It’s harder to be happy. I will have to battle my own self a lot more. Let’s face it, the world isn’t happy. All we hear is negativity. But I want my world to be happy.

Today, as hard as it’s going to be, which isn’t as hard though as all that gave me PTSD, I’m choosing to be happy. Let’s see how the wired brain likes that!

Get rid of all my junk!
10 boxes!

We are sorting through our shelves and cupboards and getting rid or more and more material possessions, especially dvd’s, books, and items we won’t ever use again. They’re all going to a charity that has an op shop to raise funds for their free face to face counselling and 24/7 suicide & depression hotline.

And that is just the beginning!

be a good pen pal (read all 2 entries…)
Slowly Catching Up

February was emotionally a hideous month for me so once more I’m a tad behind in my correspondence, but the list is shorter now!!

- possible IE tacked on the end.

See, not that bad…

(Bonus points for already writing to loved ones in HK & US?)

be a good pen pal (read all 2 entries…)
Letter from hell

I have a list of people whom I owe corespondence but I’d come to a complete halt who went by the name procrastination.

Yesterday I had to write one of the hardest letters, and I only had until today to do so. It’s to an amazing person in my real life world whom is leaving to start over a whole new beginning. It’s a bittersweet time really, to be happy for them but sad for yourself as it’s also goodbye. No one wants to say goodbye.

Through many blotched attempts and tearful eyes I hope in years to come the letter will bring happy memories on what must be a difficult time. I also hope I don’t have to go through this much sad again. There has just been too much sad.

But… When I have had a chance to cleanse the sad, I can get back to writing to some new amazing people I’ve been blessed to “meet” and that is kinda exciting!

Learn to use my fitbit flex
Not 100% but...

it’s easy to learn & if I put the effort into it I could learn to integrate it with the dashboard. It’s very easy to use. It monitors my sleep quality & duration, steps, fast activity (hahahahaha) and other goals. I’m happy to know I burn calories simply from breathing. :) I’m very happy with it and am sure it will assist me in my slow & steady recovery. Therefore I declare this goal done!

43Things Secret Santa 2013 (read all 4 entries…)
Santa... Wow.

Firstly, I’m sorry I didn’t get to the post box last week, ironically life was too stressful but I did think of you each day knowing what it’s like waiting to see this post appear. My apologies for it being tardy. However, it was meant to be this way.
The past two days I’ve been losing the plot, but yesterday I bought a chair for my desk so I could learn sumi-e. (Meditative painting.) And you knew I wanted to learn and found so much more!
I can’t believe your attention to detail. You have gone to so much trouble to find what will help me deal with stress, help simplify, learn zen painting, and – words are failing me. (Not my hubby though, he thanks you for the excuse he didn’t need to go to the art shop & get supplies!)
I absolutely want to see your favourites list, when you have time, but you’ve touched my heart. That is the bigger gift.
Thank you so much.
Merry Christmas & a million blessings for 2014.

Transform the balcony into a beautiful place to be
Lounge Chairs!!

Hurrah! We finally have sun loungers and a few pots of plants. Next are tropical things to give it that “oasis” holiday vibe. Yay!!

43Things Secret Santa 2013 (read all 4 entries…)
Post collected

Sorry Elf,
Santa has been too busy surfing to deliver gifts.
Next postal delivery isn’t until Monday next week and then it’s New Years holidays!! I’m sure once he has slept off the cookies & drinks he’ll get back to delivering cards & gifts!!
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!

43Things Secret Santa 2013 (read all 4 entries…)
It's in the mail!

Yesterday a little package started its journey. Apparently it is going via the North Pole for Santa’s nod before continuing its journey around the world. It doesn’t have 80 days so those reindeer better get hopping!!

I’m so excited I could burst. I love this part, but it’s always a bit nerve wracking hoping that as an elf, you bought the right gift!

Now to wait for news of a package turning up!

Much love & cheer to you all. xox

43Things Secret Santa 2013 (read all 4 entries…)

I have my elf duties now and I’m very excited. I am going to go and investigate their 43T list & see if they’ve posted a wishlist.

This reminded me to look at my list. Not a lot of inspiration there for my elf so perhaps I can help them help Secret Santa with a few ideas.

I saw Miley Cyrus talk to Ellen about how she loved learning about people she met by swapping favourites lists. What a great idea! I would love to get a list from you & be introduced to your fav movies, tv shows, books, songs, artists, foods, clothes, flowers, seasons, countries, languages, animals, quotes and whatever else has meaning to you on it.

I love a good cup of tea & a good book. Got good tea in your neck of the woods?

I’m vegan & adore animals so a donation to your fav animal sanctuary/shelter or conservation/environmental charity is a great option for me too.

I’d love to know where you come from in the world & what it’s like where you are. A few postcards & a magnet for the fridge is fun!!

I love watching the birds, having barefeet on the grass, meditation, simplicity, nature is my therapy. A piece of your world to mine is perfect.

Promise I will not open it until Christmas Day. Thank you for sharing the fun & love. xox

learn to nurture myself (read all 2 entries…)
You'd think this would be easy

Yet for me, I tend to “just in a minute” way too much. That minute is spent tending to nothing important really and it’s time I could be doing something simple as a 5 minute meditation, a 10 minute foot soak, applying cream, laying down outside in the sun, reading a book… etc. Nurturing apparently doesn’t come easy. The real question is why? Why don’t I nurture myself? Is this taught from parents, schools, insecurity, low self esteem etc? Unlearning is difficult. I’m not even sure what else I can add as “nurturing” things?

Cook my way through a cookbook (read all 3 entries…)
Oh darn

Recipe no.7 was a complete failure. It was my fault too as I decided to “ignore” their serving size for the fritters and made them into burger size. Not a wise move. When I went to flip them… smoosh. But I will not be defeated and they shall be cooked again. Although this time I will follow the instructions and make them the recommended size. My bad.

Learn to grow a rose
Six Weeks In & Flowering

We planted our bare root roses six weeks ago with a vague outline of what we were doing. Seems all our research is paying off as nearly all have buds and 4 are in flower!

There have been aphids and spider mites (which I never knew existed until a few weeks ago) but we’ve battled that in the most humane way and the roses which were attacked are bouncing back nice and strong.

We’re now planning the veggie patches. It’s so satisfying getting away from the computer and just being with nature. The smell of a home grown rose is also such a delight compared to any shop bought bloom. :)

Cook my way through a cookbook (read all 3 entries…)
Loving this!

I have cooked 5 recipes out of over 250, but I’m loving it. What I have cooked so far has also been very yummy too which makes it even better. I do love cooking for other people more though! Weird as that is. But this is a great goal. It’s fun. Need more fun! :)

spend less time online
Very healing

Ah Facebook. Twitter. Tumblr. No. I’m not with you. I don’t miss you. Instead I read books. Watch sunsets. Take photos. Be with the family, friends, animals – in real life!

Obviously we all are online to some degree. I’m doing a course. I’ve got email. I’m here! There are games too! They’re fun!

Slowly I’m letting go of so much we clutter our lives with online. I never realised how many mailing lists I delete until I was offline for a week.

But all those superficial things we think we need or should have… the facebooks of the world: “How you do nurture me?” “What do I get from you?” If it’s fun, great. If it’s a chore – release it.

simplify my life (read all 3 entries…)
Wardrobe Overhaul

In an article it said to make life simple, reduce your wardrobe down to the basics. Two colours that you love, that go together, that can mix and match, and then a third as a highlight that you can throw in.

I went with black, white/cream, and my highlight is a denim blue. With these three I can throw on any pants, dress, jacket, jumper, shirt, shoe, and mix and match and they all go together. Not only is it easier to get ready, it’s easier to shop for. “Is it in my colours?” “Is it feminine” “Is it soft, cuddly.. ” whatever your requirements for selecting clothes.

Now I have a very basic but lovely wardrobe with all the clothes in it that I love AND use – all those ones that hang at the back – donated! I get dressed in 2 mins because this goes with that. My husband loved the idea so much he has started on this process. His colours are autumn tones.

This makes life simple. You feel good about yourself. It’s easy to shop. There are only positives from this. I’ll probably use this for home decor as well, but one step at a time!

complete "wreck this journal" (read all 2 entries…)
Not Completed, but is not for me

There comes a time in life when you revalue your life as it is now compared to how it was when you began certain things, such as this goal, and realise that times have changed. I’ve changed.

After flipping through this book this morning I decided it really wasn’t my thing. And that’s brilliant. I’ve set it free. I’m allowing myself to be free from it in return.

It’s ok to not finish things and just move on.

Complete the 50 Questions that will free your mind
These questions have no right or wrong answers. Yay!

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?


2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?


3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

To people please

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?


5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Install compassion for all beings

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Helping the homeless

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Doing what I can

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Help more animals.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

By being bossy when needed

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

right things.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

Ask them to please not discuss this topic in my vicinity for she is a friend of mine and I do not wish to be part of the conversation.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Parents make mistakes

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?


14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?


15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

Don’t eat animals

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Not everyone has a conscious

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

Travel. Health.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?


19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Paris, France. J’adore!

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?


21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?


22. Why are you, you?

I was born this way baby

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Probably not. We all fuck up.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

The latter.

25. What are you most grateful for?


26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

old ones.

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Sometimes. The truth for you can be who you know you are in your heart compared to the truth of a broiler hen who lives in hell hidden from society.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?


29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

I don’t recall 5 years ago.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

Traveling/Christmas – family

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

when my babies died.

32. If not now, then when?

When it’s time.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

My health

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

no. But I get the drift and yes.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Many folk don’t support other religions as true pathways to God, other ways of prayer or life, other Gods, other peoples beliefs, others sexual preferences e.g. GLBTI, other races cultures, colours, lifestyles, sacred days. “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you.” Therefore if you be different to me I shall kill you, not accept you, and war explodes. :(

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?


37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

If I had one.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More I enjoyed

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?


40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

Two days ago.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

I’d be happy.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

If I remained extremely attractive in my eyes, yes. Famous – well, it would depend on why I was famous.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Truly living is being honest with your dark side. Knowing who you are amongst the dirty dark times. Being able to laugh at circumstance. Then getting up and being you, in all you have learnt through that, and embracing life. Being alive is more like I am now. A bit of shell from those times, trying to fill the gap those times tore apart.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?


45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Peoples judgements again

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Be in the water

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?


48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love much, and whom I love know they are loved. My actions express this love. I hope!

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

In 5 minutes from now I probably wont remember any of that. It’s not important to me.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Life has a hand in it for my set of circumstance. Not everything is as clear cut as you’d like this question to be. I make decisions for me. I take others opinions into consideration. Who wouldn’t? Life is about living, and living with those you love means sharing, giving, exchanging and exploring. I’ve got a strong will, I’m not a door mat, but sometimes you go with others ideas because they’re not what you would ever have thought up and they are BRILLIANT!


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