Carlya

hmm.. been saving for this.
a client at work was telling me all about working visas and how i have to apply for passports and all that jazz.. im so excited its all i think about.!!
and ive started planning it out like where i wanna go where i wanna stay longer etc. and making a scrap book of everything to do with it lol…

then my starsign today was saying that my future plans effect how i go now. so i need to concentrate more now on my studies and worry about setting sail later…

HOW SCARY. its like exact! but just because it sayss that doesnt mean i can just stop thinking bout it all.

im starting! im 19 and have never stood up for myself. always let ppl walk all over me… lately its got me down so badly ive been so depressed and leave work crying etc. because i get treated like crap and feel tiny.

lately. ive been saying NO when im at work annd the lazy bitch at work tells me to do shit for her. (u have no idea wat its like) and the other day she asked me to do something while she was checking her phone (which is not aloud) and i didnt do it. shes like i take it your busy? and i was like u have 2 hands do it youself! and we ended up in an argument. but i cant beleive i did it!!!

theres so much more to it.. but im starting to say what i feel. alot of the time i still let myelf be pushed but then it gets to the point im like AARRGGHHHHHHHHH.
i get scared tho when i stand up for myself. im like omg omg omg omg wat did i doooooooooooooo. lol. but also feel better.

because i was studying after year 12, and buying a car and all that jazz.. i worked up a big debt to my parents… they paid for things and put it on the list to pay back. one after another. ended up at like 10 grand or something =/..
so every pay day i pay them money towards my loan, bay board, pay my mobile bill… arr.. Sucked, shitty pay and never had any money left over to myself…
currently ive paid of HEAPS and its so cool. ive had a pay rise too so i have a lil money to myself.. we had a look over it and it should all be finished and payed of by about july this year! yay. ah cant wait. i also crashed the car, but im still paying for the car. so that is so shit. i never ask them to pay anything now because i hate debt! i also have a loan to the bank now, for the new car i got. that wont be paid of for ages. but i just wanna get the other one out of the way.