CarolineGD1979

I made a few attempts at committing suicide, I ended up seeking help as it took so long that I ended up thinking too much of everyone else I’d be leaving behind. I ended up in hospital and was then committed to a mental health hospital and was counselled for years, I still have moments and thoughts of doing myself in, but the thoughts are as far as it goes, I have a lot of ‘down’ moments due to being Bi-Polar but as my moods are so erratic I often get over it within days, sometimes even in a few minutes. A very good friend of mine and all my mates, committed suicide in February 2006, it has almost been a year since his death, and we all still miss him so much, if only he believed we cared this much about him, things may have been different, but seeing the reactions of my mates and his family has made me think more about the hurt it can cause.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares, but usually most are just thoughtless & it just seems that way, just because they have things to do doesn’t mean they don’t think of you and/or care. I found discussing it with my closest friends was useful & discovered they did care, I just have to keep in mind, they have their own worries too.

I need to stop worrying about pleasing everyone else all the time and start doing what makes me happy, not what everyone else wants me to do.

My cousin has to move and needed a home for her dog, So I took her in, I now have a walking companion, she has motivated me and this morning I went for a 1 hour walk with her, I was going to go again this evening but it was pouring with rain, but I was rearing to go. I’m planning on going every morning and evening from now on as Gabby (the dog) loves it.

I’m not doing this for image, I’m doing it for my health and self esteem, I know getting back to the weight I was 2 years ago will make me feel better, physically and mentally.

I have too many people & my pets to worry about leaving behind.