I'm doing 2 things
If you know ahead of time you’re going into a situation like a party, remind yourself first that everyone loves to talk about themselves, so ask them questions about their life, work and interests, then listen and expand with follow up questions.
If you’re dealing with a spouse or loved one, decide that it is not going to be an argument, that there is plenty of time for all sides to speak. When the other person starts speaking, try to imagine you are in their shoes. How do they feel? What point are they really trying to get across to you? If something they say hurts your feelings or makes you mad, shake it off and stay focused on this person you care about. Ask clarifying questions and then try to respond by saying “I hear you saying —--, is that right? Then respond with the most positive, helpful response you can come up with. If that isn’t satisfactory, then ask what is a way you can work together to agree on what you have both heard. If things get emotional, always use “I feel “sentences, as it is very hard for someone else to tell you your feelings are wrong.
