ClumsyYogi

I intend to post a poem a day at
http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/forumdisplay.php?f=49

The pain was too much and I had to relieve myself last night. Otherwise I wouldn’t have slept for the discomfort.
The question now is whether to continue the two weeks with a notch on the pistol or to reset the clock and begin again.

The original timetable was intended to culminate in a righteous exstacy on Easter weekend. We had a cabin reserved for a spring ritual. A sudden change in circumstances has made us postpone that mini vacation so the end date is now more arbitrary and less significant.
I’ll just have to discipline my peter one day at a time and see what feels right.
For this evening at least there will be no playing with fire. I will let the embers sit and observe how things rise in the next few days.

Well maybe I should have known better. I thought I could abstain from ecstatic release for an extended period while still enjoying erotic diversions.
The purpose of my two week fast after all is to observe my habits and response while breaking the cycle of rote orgasm.

The meditation exercise I used last night to move the energy away from the groin only worked in the short term. I had a terrible case of blue balls all day today.

Sitting at my desk at work this morning I really thought I was going to have to retreat to the men’s room and drain some pressure. I went to wikipedia and found a good article on the subject.

I learned that the recommended clinical solution is not just an orgasm, but an “earth shattering orgasm.” They also suggested physical exertion as a way of sending blood and oxygen to other parts of the body to relieve pressure on the testes and prostate.

I decided to persevere until lunch time when I went to the gym and did some yoga. I built up a sweat and did a handstand with my legs against the wall to send the blood in the other direction. That helped a little.

Not enough. The dull ache returned and has persisted into the evening. I don’t know whether to avoid arousal all together or just to go easier and not get too turned on.

I think for my purposes it would be cheating to completely avoid stimulation.

I had a roommate once who ended up in the hospital with toxic blueballs after hours of heavy petting with his girlfriend. I won’t let it go that far.

Meanwhile I continue to follow the great debates online over classic tantra vs neo-tantra. To be sure what I’m doing here is not really either. But it is a kind of mindfullness.