CrazilySane

Holy crap. I’m onto my last credit!! It’s supposed to be a fairly easy one too (I set it up that way so I would have a low pressure way to end high school).

Ahhhh! So excited!! :) I can’t believe I’ll be finishing my high school. It was a pretty daunting goal that always loomed over me, and I was always frustrated with myself that I wasn’t ever able to go back and complete it.

But now I am :) And I’ve been going to back to school since Jan 2012, and I’ll be finally graduating in June 2013. I’m getting great marks and really good feedback for my work. My teacher is really supportive of me and has been a major influence in me being able to stick through this to the end. I really enjoyed my last course (Philosophy), but it was the heaviest course that I’ve ever taken. It wasn’t necessarily hard, just heavy. I’d often get headaches from reading the material and trying to understand different philosopher’s writings. But I really enjoyed learning about the concepts, and my teacher was a great person to talk to about philosophy in general.

I’ll be getting my marks back for my last course either this week or next. I’m onto my very last credit, and then I just need to do 2 hours of volunteer work (I have 38 hours/40 done already)... then I’ll be ready to graduate.
This. Is. AWESOME! :)

This happened a couple of months ago, and I forgot to write about it! I’m not really much of a wine drinker, I’ve never disliked it but never found myself developing a liking to it. I’m not a big drinker in general, and have only tried in the last year to acquire the taste for it since my boyfriend’s family are all big wine drinkers and have wine with almost every meal.

My boyfriend’s brother is getting married this year, and his fiancee and him are trying to pick their red and white wines to serve at their wedding. So we all got together with a bunch of their close friends and his fiance’s family to taste-test 5 different white and 5 different red wines. They wrapped the bottles in plastic bags so we couldn’t see which wines were which, and took turns rating each one, cleansing our palette in-between, starting with the red wines and then having a second tasting to see which order we wanted to put our individual votes in.

Then we broke for dinner…. ohhhh, dinner! How freakin YUMMY!! Two of the brother’s fiance’s best friends had just come back from Thailand from a 2 month long vacation there, and they had taken a bunch of cooking classes in Thailand in order to learn how to make authentic dishes. They came back and had decided to prepare the night before with a bunch of dishes and also made a few others while they were busy in the kitchen at the house during the day. There were so many kinds of dishes, probably about 8 or 10 different dishes, and they were all SO good!! Mmmm… :)

After dinner and dessert, we went back to wine tasting but tested out the whites instead, doing a second tasting to re-order our choices. Thankfully, both of the top red and white wines were highly rated by all and ended up being the same brand for both of them.

We ended the night with some more snacky desserts and played the singing & dancing Michael Jackson game on the Playstation 3 Move… hahaha. It was great to see everyone dancing around, even the more timid members of the group! The night ended up being a GREAT night, so much fun!!

While I may still not classify myself as being a wine drinker, I’m slowly opening up more to the taste of it… I think for now, I prefer white wines however I don’t mind having red once in awhile either. I’ll still often opt for just water instead of wines for meals though ;) I’m not there just yet!! haha :)

I went this past Sunday with T and his family up to the ski hill. I’ve never snowboarded nor downhill skied before, so it was definitely a new experience.

It was really fun, a little frustrating at times but for the most part I was able to giggle through it and recognize the silliness behind mistakes :) Plus, I had great company and a great instructor (T, my boyfriend), who made all the tumbles and falls even more tolerable. Thankfully I was able to borrow all of my equipment, and I just had to pay for my ski lift pass (which was also 50% off that day! It only ended up costing $16 for my whole trip there – definitely affordable!!). We went up and down the bunny hill a few times at first just to learn the very basics and to get used to the feeling of the board and my balance on it. It was pretty funny though – the bunny hill had a treadmill track that you could get on with your board or skis and it would take you up the hill… haha I definitely fell onto it when I lost my balance. I laughed pretty hard, as I was on my back and I couldn’t really grab onto the railing at the sides since that was stationary and the track was still moving. Pretty funny, a little embarrassing, but I took it all in great stride I think lol. I think I actually did pretty well for my first time! After the bunny hill, we ended up going up the ski lift and I tried out a green hill for the first time – it was a decent sized hill length-wise, but it took me the rest of the night to get down it with T. The majority of my falls were on purpose because I was afraid of going too fast and not having faith that I would know how to keep control. That being said, definitely quite a lot of bumps and bangs on the way down ;)

Holy geez though >..< lol, but I’m pretty sure that’s because of how much I wind-milled with my arms for balance and also because of the amount that I fell and had to both brace myself and then lift myself back up.

The hardest part of the whole thing for me is getting back up. Falling isn’t even the worst part, it’s really not that bad. But it takes so much energy each time you try to get up – since your feet are in the board you can’t just easily get up normally. I’d flip over sometimes so I could get up from my knees, which was a lot easier, but often I would fall back onto my back again… which would result in me either flipping back over a second time, or attempting to get up the harder way. Definitely exhausting, the only thing I really didn’t like about it. But thankfully, I liked everything else – and the falling, like I said, was acceptable. So… if I get better at snowboarding, then I’ll probably fall less… and that means I’ll have to get up less too ^. It’s a WIN-WIN! Haha :)

Lots of fun, I’m glad I tried it… I love trying new things!! I’ve found that it’s one of the major links to maintaining my overall happiness.. even from the smallest thing of trying a new food, or to a big thing like snowboarding… I love feeling adventurous and expanding my life! :)

The first step for my university application is finished and has been sent in. Since I’m applying as a mature student, I have to pay more, so I was only able to apply to two universities instead of the 4 that I was originally hoping to do.

I have to wait 2-3 business days before I can pay for my application online, and I’ve finished the first draft of my resume and mature student letter. I’ve already got a couple of other people to help edit and proofread my letter, and I just need to make the changes and do some fine-tuning. I’ll be going into school tomorrow to pay the $20 for my transcript fees, and that will be sent off in about 2-3 weeks.

The ball is rolling!! I can’t believe I just applied to university. Man, there’s a part of me that just feels like I’m in way over my head, but I know I’m smart and that I’ll do well in university… I just need to make sure I have plenty of supports in place to help me re-adjust into a university setting, as well as getting used to the workload that comes with a semestered school.

I have a number of tasks ahead of me, but I’m glad that I’ve gotten my foot in the door and started the process. Now I just need to concentrate on finishing my letters, then onto applying for scholarships and bursaries! I hope I do well!!

Dec 12
Much better day today. Felt so much better and was even able to get up early to go to school.

• Went to school and finished the rest of my essay & handed in lesson 5
• Went to my social worker appointment, got to talk a lot about my recent stresses and feeling overwhelmed
• Bought my mom’s xmas present, and Christmas tins for cookies (all of my xmas shopping is done now! minus ingredients for cookies and the work put in to make them ;) )

• Showered

• Played Skyrim and video games with T

Dec 11
I ended up feeling extremely sick at night… such a huge headache/borderline migraine and just felt super nauseous. Couldn’t seem to feel better doing anything, so had a pretty quiet day.

• Finished 2 paragraphs of essay

• Played Skyrim and then games with T

Trying my hardest today to feel okay while working on my schoolwork. I’m definitely struggling in getting my work done. I just feel overwhelmed and pretty crappy when faced with having to do the nitty-gritty details of work.

• Finished 3 paragraphs of my 3 page essay today. Trying to focus on every little bit as being an accomplishment and that it’s better than nothing. Which it is. I may be handing in my stuff later than I planned but at least I’m getting it done. I’m thinking of talking to my teacher about my depression coming back but I’m not entirely sure yet. Maybe I’ll wait until after the Christmas break.
• Made dinner for J tonight

Dec 9
A bit of a better day compared to the last few days. Felt a little bit more stable today, tried not to think about how sad I had been feeling lately. Enjoyed doing something different today, even if it was just a new board game. I appreciated it I think. It’s all too easy to feel stagnant and stuck in a rut, when you’re down.

• Dinner with T’s family
• Went to my place and played a new board game with brothers, T and J. Watched the new Dark Knight Rises again
• Caught up with a friend briefly on FB

I’m really struggling with updating this goal… I’m hoping that I’m still following through and doing at least one healthy thing for me each day.

• Went to university info night, it went really well! I was able to get a ton of questions answered, and overall it was really helpful. I was pretty anxious and shaking a bit, pretty nervous overall but I managed to get through it okay. I felt a bit better when I was able to start talking to their disability department, and I felt like it was possible to have the support I may need while in school.

Fri Dec 7
Feeling very discouraged and hard to get motivated to do anything. I still managed to work on my schoolwork a little bit (better than none at all, and I think I managed to get more done than I had expected).

• Finished 3 questions of schoolwork

Sat Dec 8
Extremely down day. Had a very hard time picking myself up out of how I was feeling. I ended up taking a really hot shower, which seemed to reset me back a tiny bit… but still was pretty unstable and felt pretty miserable. Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and hopeless with school at the moment, like as if there’s no end in sight. I guess one positive thing from the day was that I managed to do two or three things of this goal. And that’s definitely better than none. :)

• Finished 2 questions of schoolwork

• Showered

• Watched the third LOTR with T

Well, had catfish last night for dinner, and I really didn’t like it. BUT, that being said, it was a store-bought kind that had seasoning on it already… so I’m thinking it was pretty possible that it was the seasoning that I didn’t like, but it was hard to tell.

I haven’t completely crossed it off my edible list, I’ll want to try it again sometime either without any seasoning, or at least seasoning that I choose to put on.

I went to a tea festival that was being hosted in my city, with my friend J. Ohhh myyyy godddd, it was so good! LOTS of teas to sample!! I bought a good number of teas from there, and was happy to learn about a lot of tea places in my city that I didn’t know existed!! There were presentations in the back as well, at one point I stopped and watched a traditional Japanese tea ceremony that they were showing. I had a really great time, and really enjoyed myself. I can’t wait until next year!!

My only complaints were that it was pretty strong smelling in there, and by the third last table me and J were getting a headache and just kind of wanted to finish the last 3 tables for the sake of finishing up. But the pros definitely outweighed the cons for me, I LOVE tea!! :D

This experience was pretty cool, actually! I went with T’s family, as they go every year since its a tradition they’ve been doing since the boys were young.

We went to a Christmas tree farm, where there were SO many trees! We actually picked ours pretty quickly and were really happy with our choice. T’s brother took it and was dragging it down the road while all of us followed. There were horse-drawn sleighs that people could jump on for free, so me and T ran and hopped on while it was moving… it was a pretty fun ride, even if it was short. Then we went down to get the dead pine needles shaken off on this funny looking machine – it shook the tree really hard for a bit, and it was pretty funny looking… looked like the tree was dancing, haha :) They then netted it and we took it to the car to tie it up to the roof.

Before we left, we stopped by and got some free hot chocolate and cookies that the farm was offering, and sat by a campfire for a bit to warm up and enjoy the sights and smells.

It’s not that I was expecting to not enjoy this experience, but I think I was surprised by how much I did! Lots of good fun for the family. :)

Today I went out shopping with my parents for a new winter jacket. I found one that I loved, and they paid for a huge chunk of it for my Christmas present!! I really, really appreciated it… I haven’t had a good, warm winter jacket in years. Since I take the bus everywhere, I have to wait in the cold often…. I think this will be the first year in I don’t know how long (maybe since I wore snowpants as a child? lol), that I won’t feel blistering cold when I’m waiting for the bus.

Big, big thank yous and much love and appreciation to my parents, it was very, very nice of them!!

• Saw my Mom & Dad today, enjoyed lunch with them and then went out shopping for a bit!

• Finished 4 questions of schoolwork

• Showered, shaved

• Skyrim :)

I’ve been pretty busy this past week – haven’t gotten the chance to get on 43things as I stayed at T’s longer this weekend. BUT, that being said I still feel like I managed to do parts of this goal every day!

• I REALLY felt like I had a great night on Friday… I played a good bunch of Skyrim, and had a quiet night to myself… usually I head to T’s on Fridays or Thursdays, but he was hanging out with a friend that night. So I took the opportunity to take some much needed ME time! It felt really nice to enjoy my night and feel really relaxed :)

• T picked me up late at night (around 2am) when he was done with his friend… we went back to his place. It was a perfect way to end a great evening! :)

• Showered, shaved

• Went out for the first time to go Christmas tree shopping/”hunting” with T’s family. I guess its a tradition that they’ve done every year even when T was a little boy. It’s the first time I’ve ever gone to pick out a real tree! The experience was a lot of fun, some parts were pretty funny… and in the end, we all got free hot chocolate and cookies and sat by a campfire. :)
• Went back to his place and enjoyed T’s family’s company
• After lunch, I went out with J to a tea festival in my city!! It was awesome!! XD SO much sampling of tea, ohhhh it was sooo good. It was an awesome experience, I can’t wait for next year!

• I was exhausted once I came home from the festival, so I took a much needed nap. I haven’t taken a nap in such a long time, usually I try to just fight through it and wait until bedtime!
• Enjoyed the rest of my evening with T :)

• Finished 4 questions of schoolwork

• Mid-season finale of Walking Dead!! What a great episode! Enjoyed spending time with my brothers, T, and J.

• Showered

• Finished 3 questions of schoolwork

• Played some video games with T :)

• Went to school, spoke with teacher… also spoke to my guidance counselor about university applications.
• Finished 6 questions of schoolwork.

• Really enjoyed my night, played lots of Skyrim until pretty late.

Today was a decent day, a little bit up and down in moods but other than that, it was an okay day overall.

• Went to school, worked on schoolwork
• Saw guidance counselor
• Phoned up OUAC for application help

• Went out for coffee with a friend to catch up, it ended up being a pretty good chat!

• I made sugar cookies today!! Mmmmm, so tasty…. I burnt the first batch but the rest turned out soooo good :)

Whoopsies, didn’t realize I didn’t write an entry yesterday. It was a good day, pretty tiring.. I stayed up super late Monday night (until 5 am) to finish my lesson… had a hard time falling asleep and got up at 8:30 am to head to school. Ended up being a good day though, really productive and got a lot done.

Nov 27

• Went to school and handed in my lesson, worked on my schoolwork at school.
• Talked to my teacher about my schoolwork
• Went to my social worker appointment

• Stayed up late with T and watched good movies we haven’t seen in awhile, it was really nice.
• Played some games with T, enjoyed myself!

• Worked on some sheets on procrastination with my social worker

Nov 28
Today was an okay day, I woke up pretty late… Feels pretty uneventful, actually. Which is good and not great at the same time, lol.

• Played some games with T

• Spoke with a friend for a good bit on FB, someone that I haven’t talked to in awhile

Today was a little bit of a better day! I felt much more productive today, but still good about things. I’ve done a good mix of alternating between productivity and relaxation, and I think that it’s really helped to lower my stress today. I’ve managed to do more of my schoolwork than I thought I would have been able to do today.

• Finished my lesson today… 3 essays worth of work. Stayed up really late to do it.
• Spoke to a representative from a university I’m interested in, asked a bunch of questions (they called me though, but that still works! lol)

• Lots of games today :) In between my schoolwork
• Relaxed with T tonight (games, tv)

Well, yesterday I had a pretty low day, I felt very down about things and couldn’t seem to get myself to feel better. I’m thinking that I’m just feeling stressed out for university, and that it might be triggering my depression. The main problem I’ve been having though, is that in the last two or three weeks, I’ve taken precautions to help prevent relapse into depression. This usually helps, but it seems to be ineffective this time around… I’m finding that symptoms are starting to emerge such as finding it hard to be interested in things I used to enjoy (like video games, which is usually a good stress-reliever for me). Also finding that I can’t get into anything or fully relax at any point, which is another warning sign.

Thankfully, I’ll be seeing my social worker this Tuesday, so I hope I’ll be able to talk to her about my concerns that some symptoms are starting to show again.

Yesterday was a hard day, but I still managed to do a couple of things from this goal.

• Finished 5 questions of schoolwork

• Cooked and enjoyed a really nice, relaxing breakfast with T in the morning. I really appreciated that meal since I was actually able to relax a little bit for once. :)

Today is a little bit better than yesterday, but it’s been full of family activities.

• Finished one question of schoolwork – hard to be motivated today, also fairly busy with socializing.

• Had a Sunday dinner with T’s family
• Went to my place to watch Walking Dead with J & my brothers.

I didn’t get on here yesterday for a chance to post my day. It was long, eventful, and was an attempt to try to make the best out of some bad news for a friend… in the end it was a fun night, despite the circumstances.

• Went to school to see my guidance counselor for my grades
• Went to a few appointments to accompany my friend

• Went out for lunch to Boston Pizza with my friend, enjoyed some long chats
• Watched Magic Mike with her at night and gourged on junk food, leftovers, and comfort food, lol. Got into some pjs and enjoyed our girl’s night.
• Got to see T :) Went to his place after the movie
• Played some video games with T

• Showered, shaved
• Almost forgot to take my Vitamin D! Took it later at around 4pm though.

• Called two other universities today to figure out how to apply
• Researched another university
• Researched scholarships & financial aid
• Completed research on scholarships through third choice school
• Ongoing research on scholarships available through mental health/illnesses
• Made dinner tonight, mmmm pork chops with apple sauce and salad on the side

• Played a couple of games with T tonight