CrazilySane




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study philosophy
Haven't given up...

I’m university now, and while philosophy isn’t my major, I’ve decided to minor in philosophy – and I’m loving it! I almost wish I could major in it, but I don’t think it’s practical enough. But I’m glad I decided to take a philosophy class in highschool to discover how much I enjoyed it and was interested in it… so far my two philosophy classes this year are my favourites!

I’m marking this as complete instead of “given up” since I’m still technically studying it!



go to university (read all 2 entries…)
Accepted!!

Woohoo!! I’ve been accepted into my first choice for university!! I start this Fall. Now all what I need to do in order to complete this goal is WAIT.

That, and try to muster up as much financial aid as I can beforehand! I’ve applied to three scholarships so far. I have great marks, but I’m not sure how many scholarships I’ll be eligible for since I’ve been attending an adult high school that allowed you to do credits at your own pace (so I’m technically not full-time, I guess). I need to finish up my letters in order to apply to some bursaries, though – hopefully I can make my case clearly and passionately enough in order to win some of them. Only time will tell!!

I’m going to university this year? AWESOME!! ;)



Concentrate on one set of concrete goals and make it happen! (read all 4 entries…)
Goal: Start university and complete my Bachelor's degree

With high school finished, I can now put my energy towards achieving my next big goal – completing my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I’ve been accepted into university for this Fall, and I’ve been going through the motions of trying to apply for scholarships, bursaries, and financial aid.

I’m nervous, but I’ve already proven to myself that I can accomplish huge dreams. I never thought that I would feel the way I do now in life, in terms of being able to cope much better with my depression. I never thought that I would be able to finish my high school – to actually go back and sit through the daily grind of doing all of the work that was needed of me.

It’s time to focus on university. It’s going to be hard, but I have a foundation of success and support behind me. I can do this!



Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
23. Finish High School!

Woohoo!! I’m done high school! Onto university studies now :)
I dropped out of high school 7 or 8 years ago and finally went back to finish it. I’ll be having my graduation ceremony next month!!

I’ll be having a few new experiences! I’ll get to finally experience what it’s like to graduate – I’ll be participating in the graduation ceremony (instead of being in the audience for once)! Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal to some who have “been there, done that” when they were supposed to, but this has been something that has loomed over me for a very long time.

Awesome!! :D



finish high school (read all 7 entries…)
AHHHHH!!! I DID IT!! :D

I finally did it!! I FINISHED MY HIGH SCHOOL!!

I have my graduation ceremony next month. I’m so excited!! It’s still a little surreal that high school, for me, is completely a thing of the past. I dropped out of high school when I was younger, and now I’ve been able to go back and finish it! To anyone considering going back – I’m 26, and whether you’re 20 or 50 it’s never too late to go back. You’ll feel so much better by getting rid of something that may have always stuck around in the back of your head. It’s always possible! :)

I went back to an adult high school that let you do credits at your own pace. While I didn’t need it, there was also an option to gain credits based on your life experiences (it’s up to 26 credits I think, I only needed my last four, so I wasn’t eligible!). I’m not sure if this is available in most schools, but it was available to me here in Ottawa, Canada.

Oh, and I’ve applied and been accepted into my first pick for university! :) I start this year in Fall in the Bachelor of Arts program with a major in Psychology. I’ve been busy trying to apply for scholarships and bursaries, and hopefully I get some financial help because I’m not really sure how I’m going to be able to afford it. Doesn’t hurt to try my best to make it work though!

YAY! I’VE FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL! XD

Goal complete!!



finish high school (read all 7 entries…)
Last credit... then I'm GRADUATING!!

Holy crap. I’m onto my last credit!! It’s supposed to be a fairly easy one too (I set it up that way so I would have a low pressure way to end high school).

Ahhhh! So excited!! :) I can’t believe I’ll be finishing my high school. It was a pretty daunting goal that always loomed over me, and I was always frustrated with myself that I wasn’t ever able to go back and complete it.

But now I am :) And I’ve been going to back to school since Jan 2012, and I’ll be finally graduating in June 2013. I’m getting great marks and really good feedback for my work. My teacher is really supportive of me and has been a major influence in me being able to stick through this to the end. I really enjoyed my last course (Philosophy), but it was the heaviest course that I’ve ever taken. It wasn’t necessarily hard, just heavy. I’d often get headaches from reading the material and trying to understand different philosopher’s writings. But I really enjoyed learning about the concepts, and my teacher was a great person to talk to about philosophy in general.

I’ll be getting my marks back for my last course either this week or next. I’m onto my very last credit, and then I just need to do 2 hours of volunteer work (I have 38 hours/40 done already)... then I’ll be ready to graduate.
This. Is. AWESOME! :)



Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
22. Participate in a wine testing night with friends and family and 23. Have an authentic thai dinner!!

This happened a couple of months ago, and I forgot to write about it! I’m not really much of a wine drinker, I’ve never disliked it but never found myself developing a liking to it. I’m not a big drinker in general, and have only tried in the last year to acquire the taste for it since my boyfriend’s family are all big wine drinkers and have wine with almost every meal.

My boyfriend’s brother is getting married this year, and his fiancee and him are trying to pick their red and white wines to serve at their wedding. So we all got together with a bunch of their close friends and his fiance’s family to taste-test 5 different white and 5 different red wines. They wrapped the bottles in plastic bags so we couldn’t see which wines were which, and took turns rating each one, cleansing our palette in-between, starting with the red wines and then having a second tasting to see which order we wanted to put our individual votes in.

Then we broke for dinner…. ohhhh, dinner! How freakin YUMMY!! Two of the brother’s fiance’s best friends had just come back from Thailand from a 2 month long vacation there, and they had taken a bunch of cooking classes in Thailand in order to learn how to make authentic dishes. They came back and had decided to prepare the night before with a bunch of dishes and also made a few others while they were busy in the kitchen at the house during the day. There were so many kinds of dishes, probably about 8 or 10 different dishes, and they were all SO good!! Mmmm… :)

After dinner and dessert, we went back to wine tasting but tested out the whites instead, doing a second tasting to re-order our choices. Thankfully, both of the top red and white wines were highly rated by all and ended up being the same brand for both of them.

We ended the night with some more snacky desserts and played the singing & dancing Michael Jackson game on the Playstation 3 Move… hahaha. It was great to see everyone dancing around, even the more timid members of the group! The night ended up being a GREAT night, so much fun!!

While I may still not classify myself as being a wine drinker, I’m slowly opening up more to the taste of it… I think for now, I prefer white wines however I don’t mind having red once in awhile either. I’ll still often opt for just water instead of wines for meals though ;) I’m not there just yet!! haha :)



Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
21. Try snowboarding for the first time!

I went this past Sunday with T and his family up to the ski hill. I’ve never snowboarded nor downhill skied before, so it was definitely a new experience.

It was really fun, a little frustrating at times but for the most part I was able to giggle through it and recognize the silliness behind mistakes :) Plus, I had great company and a great instructor (T, my boyfriend), who made all the tumbles and falls even more tolerable. Thankfully I was able to borrow all of my equipment, and I just had to pay for my ski lift pass (which was also 50% off that day! It only ended up costing $16 for my whole trip there – definitely affordable!!). We went up and down the bunny hill a few times at first just to learn the very basics and to get used to the feeling of the board and my balance on it. It was pretty funny though – the bunny hill had a treadmill track that you could get on with your board or skis and it would take you up the hill… haha I definitely fell onto it when I lost my balance. I laughed pretty hard, as I was on my back and I couldn’t really grab onto the railing at the sides since that was stationary and the track was still moving. Pretty funny, a little embarrassing, but I took it all in great stride I think lol. I think I actually did pretty well for my first time! After the bunny hill, we ended up going up the ski lift and I tried out a green hill for the first time – it was a decent sized hill length-wise, but it took me the rest of the night to get down it with T. The majority of my falls were on purpose because I was afraid of going too fast and not having faith that I would know how to keep control. That being said, definitely quite a lot of bumps and bangs on the way down ;)

Holy geez though >..< lol, but I’m pretty sure that’s because of how much I wind-milled with my arms for balance and also because of the amount that I fell and had to both brace myself and then lift myself back up.

The hardest part of the whole thing for me is getting back up. Falling isn’t even the worst part, it’s really not that bad. But it takes so much energy each time you try to get up – since your feet are in the board you can’t just easily get up normally. I’d flip over sometimes so I could get up from my knees, which was a lot easier, but often I would fall back onto my back again… which would result in me either flipping back over a second time, or attempting to get up the harder way. Definitely exhausting, the only thing I really didn’t like about it. But thankfully, I liked everything else – and the falling, like I said, was acceptable. So… if I get better at snowboarding, then I’ll probably fall less… and that means I’ll have to get up less too . It’s a WIN-WIN! Haha :)

Lots of fun, I’m glad I tried it… I love trying new things!! I’ve found that it’s one of the major links to maintaining my overall happiness.. even from the smallest thing of trying a new food, or to a big thing like snowboarding… I love feeling adventurous and expanding my life! :)



go to university (read all 2 entries…)
Application's in...

The first step for my university application is finished and has been sent in. Since I’m applying as a mature student, I have to pay more, so I was only able to apply to two universities instead of the 4 that I was originally hoping to do.

I have to wait 2-3 business days before I can pay for my application online, and I’ve finished the first draft of my resume and mature student letter. I’ve already got a couple of other people to help edit and proofread my letter, and I just need to make the changes and do some fine-tuning. I’ll be going into school tomorrow to pay the $20 for my transcript fees, and that will be sent off in about 2-3 weeks.

The ball is rolling!! I can’t believe I just applied to university. Man, there’s a part of me that just feels like I’m in way over my head, but I know I’m smart and that I’ll do well in university… I just need to make sure I have plenty of supports in place to help me re-adjust into a university setting, as well as getting used to the workload that comes with a semestered school.

I have a number of tasks ahead of me, but I’m glad that I’ve gotten my foot in the door and started the process. Now I just need to concentrate on finishing my letters, then onto applying for scholarships and bursaries! I hope I do well!!



Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
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Dec 12
Much better day today. Felt so much better and was even able to get up early to go to school.

Productive
  • Went to school and finished the rest of my essay & handed in lesson 5
  • Went to my social worker appointment, got to talk a lot about my recent stresses and feeling overwhelmed
  • Bought my mom’s xmas present, and Christmas tins for cookies (all of my xmas shopping is done now! minus ingredients for cookies and the work put in to make them ;) )
Self-Care
  • Showered
Relaxation
  • Played Skyrim and video games with T


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
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Dec 11
I ended up feeling extremely sick at night… such a huge headache/borderline migraine and just felt super nauseous. Couldn’t seem to feel better doing anything, so had a pretty quiet day.

Productive
  • Finished 2 paragraphs of essay
Relaxation
  • Played Skyrim and then games with T


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Trying to feel better...

Trying my hardest today to feel okay while working on my schoolwork. I’m definitely struggling in getting my work done. I just feel overwhelmed and pretty crappy when faced with having to do the nitty-gritty details of work.

Productive
  • Finished 3 paragraphs of my 3 page essay today. Trying to focus on every little bit as being an accomplishment and that it’s better than nothing. Which it is. I may be handing in my stuff later than I planned but at least I’m getting it done. I’m thinking of talking to my teacher about my depression coming back but I’m not entirely sure yet. Maybe I’ll wait until after the Christmas break.
  • Made dinner for J tonight


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Untitled

Dec 9
A bit of a better day compared to the last few days. Felt a little bit more stable today, tried not to think about how sad I had been feeling lately. Enjoyed doing something different today, even if it was just a new board game. I appreciated it I think. It’s all too easy to feel stagnant and stuck in a rut, when you’re down.

Socialize, do something different
  • Dinner with T’s family
  • Went to my place and played a new board game with brothers, T and J. Watched the new Dark Knight Rises again
  • Caught up with a friend briefly on FB


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Struggling...

I’m really struggling with updating this goal… I’m hoping that I’m still following through and doing at least one healthy thing for me each day.

Thurs Dec 6
Very much an up and down day.
Productive
  • Went to university info night, it went really well! I was able to get a ton of questions answered, and overall it was really helpful. I was pretty anxious and shaking a bit, pretty nervous overall but I managed to get through it okay. I felt a bit better when I was able to start talking to their disability department, and I felt like it was possible to have the support I may need while in school.

Fri Dec 7
Feeling very discouraged and hard to get motivated to do anything. I still managed to work on my schoolwork a little bit (better than none at all, and I think I managed to get more done than I had expected).

Productive
  • Finished 3 questions of schoolwork

Sat Dec 8
Extremely down day. Had a very hard time picking myself up out of how I was feeling. I ended up taking a really hot shower, which seemed to reset me back a tiny bit… but still was pretty unstable and felt pretty miserable. Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and hopeless with school at the moment, like as if there’s no end in sight. I guess one positive thing from the day was that I managed to do two or three things of this goal. And that’s definitely better than none. :)

Productive
  • Finished 2 questions of schoolwork
Self-Care
  • Showered
Relaxation
  • Watched the third LOTR with T


Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
20. Try catfish

Well, had catfish last night for dinner, and I really didn’t like it. BUT, that being said, it was a store-bought kind that had seasoning on it already… so I’m thinking it was pretty possible that it was the seasoning that I didn’t like, but it was hard to tell.

I haven’t completely crossed it off my edible list, I’ll want to try it again sometime either without any seasoning, or at least seasoning that I choose to put on.



Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
19. Go to a tea festival

I went to a tea festival that was being hosted in my city, with my friend J. Ohhh myyyy godddd, it was so good! LOTS of teas to sample!! I bought a good number of teas from there, and was happy to learn about a lot of tea places in my city that I didn’t know existed!! There were presentations in the back as well, at one point I stopped and watched a traditional Japanese tea ceremony that they were showing. I had a really great time, and really enjoyed myself. I can’t wait until next year!!

My only complaints were that it was pretty strong smelling in there, and by the third last table me and J were getting a headache and just kind of wanted to finish the last 3 tables for the sake of finishing up. But the pros definitely outweighed the cons for me, I LOVE tea!! :D



Do 43 things i've never done before! (read all 22 entries…)
18. Go shopping for a real Christmas tree

This experience was pretty cool, actually! I went with T’s family, as they go every year since its a tradition they’ve been doing since the boys were young.

We went to a Christmas tree farm, where there were SO many trees! We actually picked ours pretty quickly and were really happy with our choice. T’s brother took it and was dragging it down the road while all of us followed. There were horse-drawn sleighs that people could jump on for free, so me and T ran and hopped on while it was moving… it was a pretty fun ride, even if it was short. Then we went down to get the dead pine needles shaken off on this funny looking machine – it shook the tree really hard for a bit, and it was pretty funny looking… looked like the tree was dancing, haha :) They then netted it and we took it to the car to tie it up to the roof.

Before we left, we stopped by and got some free hot chocolate and cookies that the farm was offering, and sat by a campfire for a bit to warm up and enjoy the sights and smells.

It’s not that I was expecting to not enjoy this experience, but I think I was surprised by how much I did! Lots of good fun for the family. :)



Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Hurrays for an early Christmas present! :)

Today I went out shopping with my parents for a new winter jacket. I found one that I loved, and they paid for a huge chunk of it for my Christmas present!! I really, really appreciated it… I haven’t had a good, warm winter jacket in years. Since I take the bus everywhere, I have to wait in the cold often…. I think this will be the first year in I don’t know how long (maybe since I wore snowpants as a child? lol), that I won’t feel blistering cold when I’m waiting for the bus.

Big, big thank yous and much love and appreciation to my parents, it was very, very nice of them!!

Socialize, Do something different
  • Saw my Mom & Dad today, enjoyed lunch with them and then went out shopping for a bit!
Productive
  • Finished 4 questions of schoolwork
Self-Care
  • Showered, shaved
Relaxation
  • Skyrim :)


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Untitled

I’ve been pretty busy this past week – haven’t gotten the chance to get on 43things as I stayed at T’s longer this weekend. BUT, that being said I still feel like I managed to do parts of this goal every day!

Friday Nov 30
Relaxation
  • I REALLY felt like I had a great night on Friday… I played a good bunch of Skyrim, and had a quiet night to myself… usually I head to T’s on Fridays or Thursdays, but he was hanging out with a friend that night. So I took the opportunity to take some much needed ME time! It felt really nice to enjoy my night and feel really relaxed :)
Socialize
  • T picked me up late at night (around 2am) when he was done with his friend… we went back to his place. It was a perfect way to end a great evening! :)
Self-Care
  • Showered, shaved
Sat Dec 1
Socialize, Do something different
  • Went out for the first time to go Christmas tree shopping/”hunting” with T’s family. I guess its a tradition that they’ve done every year even when T was a little boy. It’s the first time I’ve ever gone to pick out a real tree! The experience was a lot of fun, some parts were pretty funny… and in the end, we all got free hot chocolate and cookies and sat by a campfire. :)
  • Went back to his place and enjoyed T’s family’s company
  • After lunch, I went out with J to a tea festival in my city!! It was awesome!! XD SO much sampling of tea, ohhhh it was sooo good. It was an awesome experience, I can’t wait for next year!
Self-Care, Relaxation
  • I was exhausted once I came home from the festival, so I took a much needed nap. I haven’t taken a nap in such a long time, usually I try to just fight through it and wait until bedtime!
  • Enjoyed the rest of my evening with T :)
Sun Dec 2
Productive
  • Finished 4 questions of schoolwork
Socialize, Relaxation
  • Mid-season finale of Walking Dead!! What a great episode! Enjoyed spending time with my brothers, T, and J.
Self-Care
  • Showered
Mon Dec 3
Rough day, I woke up sooo late and wasn’t able to do very much.
Productive
  • Finished 3 questions of schoolwork
Relaxation
  • Played some video games with T :)
Tues Dec 4
Productive
  • Went to school, spoke with teacher… also spoke to my guidance counselor about university applications.
  • Finished 6 questions of schoolwork.
Relaxation
  • Really enjoyed my night, played lots of Skyrim until pretty late.


Do at least one of the following every day: Self-care, do something different, do something productive, socialize, relaxation, exercise, journal, work on mental health sheets/wellness plan (read all 24 entries…)
Untitled

Today was a decent day, a little bit up and down in moods but other than that, it was an okay day overall.

Productive
  • Went to school, worked on schoolwork
  • Saw guidance counselor
  • Phoned up OUAC for application help
Socialize
  • Went out for coffee with a friend to catch up, it ended up being a pretty good chat!
Do something different
  • I made sugar cookies today!! Mmmmm, so tasty…. I burnt the first batch but the rest turned out soooo good :)


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