I just found this blog post which has inspired me to add this goal to my list.
(BTW, I’m pretty sure the original list said things a fat GIRL shouldn’t do, but hell… someday maybe a guy will want to adopt this goal, and I want it to be all-inclusive. I know guys do suffer from fat discrimination and bad body image too, though I still think girls tend to suffer worse torments for it socially.)
Her list includes: (reordered for my own organizational purposes, with my commentary in parenthesis for why it’s a “thing”.)
- Do a cannonball (TIDAL WAVE! WE’LL ALL DROWN!)
- Swing at the park (either “you’ll break it”, or “skirt flies up and we don’t wanna see that”)
- Ride a scooter (I have no idea why this is a thing. Just not supposed to have fun in general?)
- Ride a bike (I guess bending over is only for folks with thin butts)
- Roll down a hill (again, no idea why this is a thing)
- Run (I’ve heard fat marathoners get razzed something awful. Yes, there are some. Read the comments section.)
- Dance (are fat girls even allowed in clubs?)
- Drive (no idea here. Maybe they think we should walk everywhere?)
- Shimmy (seeing fat jiggle offends some to the point where they want to put their own eyes out. Most of these goals/points are about folks being offended by seeing people openly committing the sin of being fat.)
- Wear a bikini (are we even allowed on the beach?)
- Wear animal-print clothing (something about thinking you’re sexy when OBVIOUSLY you’re not)
- Wear a mumu (I’m stumped here. Just can’t win, it seems.)
- Eat in public (This is true. Musn’t let anyone see you eat anything, EVER. Eat a salad, and people roll their eyes as if they know you NEVER eat salad normally, and you’re just acting. Eat cake, and they make fun of you for being so unable to control yourself you’d do it in public, even. Like eating is akin to molesting children.)
- Wear shirts with glitter (don’t draw attention to yourself!)
- Wear an ironic T-shirt (already laughing at you, fat bitch.)
- Model/make art of themselves (professional/supermodels are SKINNY!)
- Jump in an elevator (you’ll kill us all!)
- Fly in an airplane (unless you’d like to pay for an extra seat)
- Sit at a booth (you’ll get stuck)
- Go to the movies (I don’t know why this is a thing.)
- Go to bars (nobody wants to pick you up, fattie. If they do go home with you they’ll have regrets the next morning!)
- Be straight (only another fat bitch would ever want to hit that.)
- Walk through a doorway (this baffles me.)
- Sit on any plastic chair (isn’t that a thing for everyone?)
- Live (Now we get down to business. Really, fat people shouldn’t be living at all in the first place.)
Okay. Some of these I’ve already done. Some I want to do now! Some I may never do (when will I ever have access to a scooter?). Therefore, I give myself leave to alter the list at will, and substitute any other thing anyone ever tells me “fat people should never do”!
The point is, nobody should ever make me live my life as less than anyone else just because I’m fat. Nobody has the right to tell me not to have fun. Nobody has the right to judge me as unworthy of considering myself sexy, if that’s what I want to be. (And all the five or six dozen men I’ve slept with over the course of my life have agreed that I’m TOTALLY sexy. And a lot of them were SERIOUSLY hot, thin, gorgeous guys themselves.) Nobody has the right to tell me what to wear, where to go, or shame me if public seating isn’t all sized for me. I’M PART OF THE PUBLIC TOO, DAMN IT!
I suppose I’m a little bit more ranty in this post than usual. I guess I’m just feeling a little put out that anyone would do this shit to another person. Being whatever size you are is nobody else’s business. I’ve had so many times when someone acted like my body was theirs to ridicule, and I deserved it because if I would only stop being fat the problem would go away. Well, I’ve been fat my whole life. I was ridiculed for it when I was FOUR. (And believe me, I can see from old photos that I was ADORABLE.) If shaming and ridicule made folks thin, we’d ALL be thin. But that doesn’t work. I see now that people who would shame me would do it no matter what. It doesn’t matter how “good” I am. I’ll get hated anyway. Might as well live my life however I want.
I don’t even have any desire to do some of the things on this list. Rolling down a hill was something I enjoyed when I was 12, but now? I think I’d just be upset about grass stains on my clothes. So I’ll find something else. Somehow, I’m just in a mood to give a giant middle finger to judgmental haters out there. (None of which ever frequent THIS site, of course! I know all my friends here would be nothing but supportive.)
How many of these have I done? Let’s see…
- I did the cannonball in the pool last summer.
- I swing at the park every chance I get.
- We all know about my wonderful blue bike that I ride to the store to get groceries.
- I took a belly dancing class about 15 years ago. Maybe that one could use updating…
- ...and it would cover “shimmy” too!
- I’m wearing a leopard-print shirt right now.
- ...and it has glitter on it.
- I’ve been an artist’s nude model about eight years ago.
- I’ve gone to bars, but I don’t drink much. Mostly I pick up guys just about anywhere when I want to. (But remember, I took a vow of celebacy several years ago, and that is still holding.)
- I’ve always been straight, except for being maybe 10% bi. But that counts as straight. Only 5% of my sexual encounters have been with women, though, so I guess that’s straight enough.
- Doorways. Yeah… I walk through ‘em like nobody’s business! You show me a door. Watch me walk right through. I’m amazing.
- Plastic chair. My dining chairs are plastic, so… pretty much a daily thing for me.
Okay, now for ones I want to change:
I think I’ll substitute “ride a skateboard” for “ride a scooter” because I know several kids with skateboards, but have never SEEN a scooter. Maybe someday if I ever go to Italy…
“Roll down a hill” is about being uninhibitedly childlike in public. How about change it to “climb a tree”? I haven’t done that since I was a kid.
“Run”. Tough one. I have physical issues. Maybe I can work up to it. Maybe I’ll have to settle for “do something gymnastic”. I’m very flexible. I might still be able to do a handstand, or a cartwheel, or tumbling, or something.
“Drive”. Nope. No car. (Though I have been a valid and active driver for 25 years.) But maybe we can change that to “Ride in a shopping cart” or something. Wouldn’t want to break store rules, or be unsafe. But I’m sure I’ll think of something.
“Wear a bikini”. Tough one. Don’t really WANT to wear a bikini, even if I were thin. But maybe I will find something sexy to wear. Lingerie or something. And in public I can and do wear shorts, and feel proud of myself in them. Maybe I’ll change it to “wear a miniskirt”. Yeah, that’ll do.
“Wear a mumu”. I’ve never seen a mumu, and nobody I knows ever wore one. What’s the deal there? Something about don’t wear long, flowy, loose clothing because you’ll look like a tent? Well, I’m wearing a long, flowy skirt to church tomorrow, and FLOWERS in my hair. So there.
“Wear an ironic T-shirt”. I hate T-shirts, and don’t look good in them. I think it’s the ironic saying that matters, though. Maybe I can find a button with a good saying on it.
“Jump in an elevator”. No thanks. I don’t think ANYONE should jump in an elevator. I do have fun walking in circles in an elevator, with my eyes closed. You get weird sensations as it goes up or down. Have you ever tried MOVING while the elevator was moving? You should try it some day.
“Fly in an airplane”. Nope. I’m poor, and can’t afford a ticket. I think this is about discrimination against fat people in public transportation, though. So I’ll call this done because I do ride the bus.
“Go to the movies”. Sounds fun. Maybe this is something about being ashamed I can’t get a date? Okay then. I’ll find myself a cute-guy date for the movies. But I don’t want to get smoochy. That’s my choice.
“Go to bars”. Implying “dress slutty and try to get some guy’s interest”. Okay, I might do that. I don’t have to respond if he’s interested, but I’ll see whether I can still attract anyone’s interest at all.
“Be straight”. Am, and always have been. Perform heterosexual acts, I don’t choose. At least not at this time. Maybe some day that’ll change. I’ll let you know. Until then, maybe I should settle for “be blatantly sexy on purpose, and flirt with a guy”. I think I could manage that. I’m pretty sure I could get him to flirt back too. I just hope he lets it drop after that.
So that’s 12 new ones to try, and 12 I’ve already done. Which one am I missing? Oh, yeah. “Eat in public”. I do that already, though not always. Sometimes I confess I’m afraid somebody will think I’m greedy if I eat too much. And sometimes I really DO want to eat salad, even if it IS in public. So maybe this one should be something about accepting something blatantly fattening like ice cream or whatever, the next time it is offered, rather than acting too delicate to indulge. If everyone else is eating it, I will too.
Am I a chubby warrior-goddess? Maybe. Maybe I just like to flaunt it a little sometimes.