DawningofEuphonies

By this I just mean that I want to stop holding myself back. There’s so many things I do where I don’t fully exert myself because I’m afraid of disappointment, but I know that I can’t think that way. I want to be the one who sings my heart out without the worry of what everyone else thinks, who dances because that’s what I love. I want to be everything I am and do everything I can because it’s possible. Many of regrets I have are of the things I didn’t do or didn’t give my all in. I don’t want to look back and ‘wish I had’ when now, at this very moment, I can.

I believe we are getting closer! All it required was a little more patience on my part and holding my tongue before I snapped back if something was said that I objected to. She helped throw a wonderful party for me for me birthday with much help from my aunt. I wouldn’t have had such a memorable night if it weren’t for them, and they were willing to give me so much more than I was willing to give myself. I hadn’t dreamed as big a party as they believed I deserved. In my mind, a party wasn’t necessary for my birthday, I didn’t mind spending it at home for my family. But they encouraged me to invite people, and created a formal occasion with a gourmet meal another woman from my church helped them create. I love her so much. This recent birthday marks a new beginning.

Going to the party made me realize I don’t have as much motivation to make small talk as I thought I did. I talked to people when necessary, but didn’t “mingle” per se. I suppose I get really uncomfortable when the moment arises, but I need to work to get over this feeling. I think the best way to start is to begin with my friends. Maybe I should be the one leading the conversations and initiating them now.