Dikathro

I think that we are on a good path to making things better now. Last night he actually got upset and said he was sorry. After that it’s like something lifted inside of me. Like I needed to see him cry, I needed to know that he was actually sorry for what he did.

Today I can’t even find a reason to be upset with him anymore. It’s weird how things can just click. How spending one night alone together can really make all the difference.

Have I fully and truly forgiven him? Yes, now I can honestly say I have but there is still healing to be done, trust to earn back. Time will help this all come. He’s trying hard and that’s what really matters most.

I used to sketch relentlessly. If I had a pen or pencil I was sketching. Since I moved to Toronto from the US to live with my boyfriend it’s as if all my creativity got left behind. I haven’t expanded or followed up on any of my work or creative abilities

Now I keep a plain white sheet of paper on my desk at all times, hoping when I have a few minutes, whether I’m on the phone, booting up my computer or waiting for something to load, I’ll stop and sketch or write a little.

It seems to have worked so far.

I want to be able to take care of myself and not rely on my boyfriend to survive. I want to go out on my own and be able to spend days away from him if I need to. I want to find my own freelance work without his help and finish it without his help. I want to visit my parents back home without him. I want to be able to get around without him. I don’t want to panic anymore if he won’t be around. I want to make Toronto my home instead of thinking of it as me staying in his home.