So I say fare thee well.
My truck got towed and impounded and I don’t think I am going to get it back. I spent months agonizing over it, thousands on building it, and then months neglecting it. I don’t think it’s the truck that I cared about, it’s the idea of the truck. So, it goes and I don’t miss it cause I never used it. This is about my personality more than anything, but I need to figure me out.
This may seem unrelated, but tangents are allowed, so, here goes: When I left my first real love after four years of living together, I was a drunk piece of trash with a degree and no direction other than OUT. I joined the service shortly after so that I could get some sort of long term goal going. I was celibate for more than two years, and in that time, I invented the guy who everyone calls ME. I am no longer happy with this person, and I have been working toward a new version of ME. Getting rid of the truck
though the means are less than desirable is a step toward that. It has exposed the true nature of how I treat objects, and how I behave as an owner. I don’t like what I see. So, it’s time I decide what the character of ME is like.
“It aint no use to sit and wonder why, babe.
If you don’t know by now.”
“You don’t need a weatherman
to know which way the wind blows.”
fourteen years and I quit.
five months later I run the Chicago Marathon.
Not one person ever told me how bad quitting sucks, but then you do, and it’s over, and you are still there.
I miss the image, but that’s about it.
I guess you have to want to.
I did this when I was on active orders and I wanted to do something even if I wasn’t in school. The whole thing worked and then broke on my way to my brother’s wedding. I still have it and still haven’t fixed it, but I still love it.
What a great time.
So, I have to move soon and as a part of my desire to start new couple with the fact that I have too much crap and a strong distaste for moving, I should have this done soon.
...now, how short can a fortune be? One word perhaps?
this is tough. Are they secrets or simply confessions. What would it be like to confess being brave, only to find that everyone else already knew? Worse, I think, than being discovered is to find the secret….isn’t.
forty-four fifty-five. not the best, but forty degrees and not running for weeks didn’t stop me. On to real training!
Tomorrow is the kick off of the 2008 running season and the road to the marathon. Supposed to be cold and rainy, but, hey it’s gonna be fun. Earth hour is here so I’m off
Well, I think you are all in a different class…. this was about my self esteem and being involved. I was an art class model yesterday for a few hours. Tough stuff, but to be honest, I really liked the attention of looking out and having everyone looking at me. Scary, I didn’t think I would like that as much as I did…Anyhoo: done.
I’m registered for the Shuffle and I am starting a track team at the base to help with the training… hopefully some funds.
takin’ it and makin’ it mine. Gotta shed the excess, stay lean, hungry, and keep up the velocity.
Today I start the training for the 08 season, and am thinking of three competitions:
1) Shamrock Shuffle -short race to help me get my speed up and give me a short term goal
2) Air Force Marathon -out at Wright/Patterson AF Base in Ohio. It should be a good bench for Chicago in October….
3) Chicago Marathon -last time maybe, but trying to prove that once was not a fluke and my time can be better.
I think I have come up with some of the most important concept as far as my revolution goes: inclusion. Re-thinking the whole world in terms of inclusion rather than exclusion.
Specifically, and this will no doubt generate new goals, I need to make all goals steps or parts of a greater whole, where the end result is more than the sum of it’s parts.
Forget profit as an aim, and think of it as a byproduct of doing something really great. Use the bushido concept of walking dead and employ life as a tool, or resource, rather than some external thing. I haven’t got it all nailed down yet, but I am on a path and I want to see where it goes.
As that guy said, that time before he was thrown to the lions, “Play the man.”
just before I walk through the winter streets of Chicago’s south side to catch a bus home, I have to wonder if, perhaps, I have been going about this all wrong….
If I am the revolution, then shouldn’t it begin IN me, and there-by spread outward? If it doesn’t, won’t I be a hypocrite? Maybe the reason I don’t accomplish as much as I want, is that I am not focused, and this is the essence of all things: to get shit done. We don’t all agree on the revolution, but we all want. So, action is Chemical X, and I think I can get some…
I think there is a problem with me and writing. Mostly, it’s got to be my laziness, but also, I am always busy. For a guy with no job, I am always scrambling to get somewhere and do something. It’s miserable. I am envisioning a new life: me, out of school, working a menial job, and writing. No hurry, minimal expenses, and I know where to go… one of our cabins, close to town, but far enough away to not be bothered. No TV, just radio and the sound of waves to drive me insane.
sort of fits here since this is about getting things done. I figure the less time I spend drunk the more time I will have to work. My work has increased. My roommates, seeing me work, also work. As a group we are ouring it out. Energy, as Mr. Peart wrote, is contagious.
I am going to see if I cannot helop things along in the mountains of Nicaragua…Fabretto. Fabretto.org. One of my professors did it and we can use our design skills to help people out.
Doing good with what you could…..
Figures that I would choose to run a marathon on the record hottest day. Still, with faith and a some prayer and a lot of water and a truckload of pain, I did it. Finnished. May even do it again…
I am excited and also freaked. Got my packet and everyone at the expo were great. I believe I can. I don’t believe in luck, but prayers are welcome.