Last year I turned thirty and realised that everything that I had done in my life that I regret was directly linked to alcohol.
I black out and turn into a psychotic monster with my boyfriend and wake up the next day not knowing what I have done and a very P Off partner.
I decided to try and give up drinking or at least to the point that I blackout. This is quite hard considering I have been drinking since I was approx 14 and do not know how to enjoy an evening out without alcohol, or at least have th opportunities too.
My relationship with alcohol is a funny one in that I have come to realise that I drink quickly as I find social situations awkward and a few beers helps me along. My problem is that I don’t know when to stop drinking and I drink far too quickly, as I do with eating. If it is in my hand I will drink it fast! Also my mother is an alcoholic and I fear that I have deep seated models of how to drink from her.
I enjoy being moderately drunk but pass through this very quickly to blind dribbling and/or abusive drunk. When I have been told my actions of the night before i really don’t relate to the person i become. These actions just aren’t me!
Anyway, I have been doing okay and trying to reeducate myself, but last night i had a minor blip in which I did something i don’t remember that was stupid and I feel rather gutted and like maybe I just am one of those people who can’t drink at all, which scares me as I like to drink.
I found this site today and read some of the other entries which indicates others have similar issues which made me feel better and I would really like some hep in learning how to drink in a way that doesn’t let me down or have negative consequences upon my life.
This may also give me an outlet in which to face up to this and not ashamedly try and cover it up, bury it, pretend it did’nt happen and not learn from it.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated!