EXPfedup

I’ve been doing pretty well as far as not picking, but I got a zit in my ear (wtf?)... that hurt so I wanted to see how bad it was and had to maneuver a little mirror to do so.

Next thing I know, I’m picking my face. I think this was on the 17th, since then I’ve been okay, but damn that trigger. I don’t feel too guilty because it’s not like I went and stood in front of the mirror to start picking, it was just that uncomfortable zit. Still, I could have just looked at the problem and let it go once I couldn’t see anything. Instead, I went looking for more.

I really feel anxious when I can’t solve some things right away though, and turn to picking. Even things not related to my skin.. .as if picking is a way to calm the anxiety. I know talking myself away from picking can be helpful, saying “If you can’t solve this, find something else to do, don’t pick!”, but then I feel crazy or the idea just sits in my mind (anxiety). It’s an idea that if I can’t fix one thing, at least I can “fix” my skin…but that’s not what I end up doing at all! I need to find a way to deal with the anxiety in those moments.

I’ve been eating healthier for a considerable amount of time now…which I hadn’t really noticed UNTIL last week. I went to a birthday party and there was pizza galore. I hadn’t had pizza in a long time, mostly because that’s more of a ‘group food’, I’m not going to call up a pizza place and order a pizza to eat by myself. Anyway, when I saw the pizza, I was ready to treat myself and eat and eat and eat with a big smile on my face! haha, instead, I started feeling full after the 2nd slice, basically took half an hour to finish the third and then felt full the rest of the night plus most of the next day as well. Note that these were normally sized pizza slices and one was just cheese!

To conclude, yes…changing eating habits is TOUGH, but once you do it’s hard to change them back too! I think my body’s just not used to eating so much anymore and so much junk at once, in that case.

It’s weird… mostly I do attribute picking to stress, but right now I’m going through a ‘heartbreak’ ordeal and picking is the last thing on my mind.

Furthermore, picking is just awful… I’m saying that because even though I feel really bummed out right now, at least I can go and distract myself, take a walk or read a book at a coffee shop, after work. When I pick, I can’t even do that because I feel so self-conscious. That’s how bad picking is, worse than heartbreak!

Since I am aware, I will make it a point to avoid mirrors right now, especially, just in case my emotions try to manifest themselves in that way. blah :(