Emirashim

I’ve already lost about 8 pounds mainly just from trying to eat a little less in general and a lot less junk. I lost my motivation a bit and started having coffees, crisps and chocolate but nothing major.

For the last week I’ve started walking around 5 miles a day which is good but I also want to tone up so I have signed up for a pilates course starting in a couple of weeks. I want to lose a further 8 pounds ideally but I also want to be really toned and healthy. My main problem at the moment seems to be cutting out the treats and getting my 5 a day. I’ve signed up to Nutridiary.com to try and record food/exercise but so far I’ve found it difficult to get the time to fill it all in.

My aim for the next week is to be more serious and more focussed about continuing my exercise and what I actually eat.

I’ve never been a morning person. If left I naturally wake up around 11am. I have to get to work by 8.45 and I live really far away so normally I’m either late (or very late) and making excuses or running and stressed – not a great way to start the day!

For the past week I have been forcing myself to get up between 6-6.30 to make an early train, then I’m doing a 40 minute walk rather than being stuck on a hot and over crowded tube. I’m definitely feeling a lot more chilled out in the morning from a less stressful journey and I’m enjoying the exercise but I’m still feeling ‘jet lagged’. I just feel half asleep all day so far but I’m going to carry on and hopefully I’ll get used to it.

I’m trying really hard. Now I have admitted my skin picking to my Mum and boyfriend and I saw how sad it made them I just want to stop. I also don’t want to be covered in scabs and scars and hate myself anymore than I already do.

It’s really weird. I’ve only just recently been honest enough with myself to realise that I have been doing this for at least 5 years. I’ve always tried to keep my legs covered or if I’ve had to show them then make up lies to tell people about how I got the scabs/scars…but the worst bit is that I really believed these lies because I was in complete denial. Time to be honest. When I feel really low and hate myself I pick. When I pick and end up covered in marks, spots and bleeding I hate myself even more and feel even uglier. I really want to stop this now.

I haven’t picked the skin on my legs for two days now so I’m really pleased. I have been tempted but I’ve found just covering them up with tights, socks, trousers has distracted me from actually picking even if I’ve felt the compulsion to do it.