Despite having recently put my dosage up because my depression was getting out of hand, I still believe I would be a healthier person without the use of this drug. Doctors don’t even know how anti-depressants work and it’s a big worry to me that I’m doing myself harm without realising it. I’m currently researching alternative ways to combat depression, and not just bandaid remedies, but really getting to the source of it.
I was horse-crazy as a kid, owned my own horse at 15, then another at 21. The first one was a great horse, absolutely awesome. The second not so good and he practically destroyed my confidence. I don’t have horses at the moment, and I haven’t for about 7 or 8 years but I really would like another one. There’s something about horses that I just can’t get over.
If I was to get another horse, I’d be taking my time finding the right one. I know all horses can be completely unpredictable but some are far better than others. I want a nice dozy nag that I can slob around on and have a nice relaxed time. I used to go galloping around the bush and be a real high speed daredevil with my first horse, but I’m a fair bit older now and my confidence and desires have changed.
My husband and I have bought a tiny little block of land in a great location near shops, schools, amenities and public transport. Because it was so tiny and a bit of an odd shape we got a specialist design firm to modify some plans we were interested in so that they would fit and comply with all council regulations.
The design is a 2 storey townhouse with 3 bedrooms, a study, 2 living areas and ensuite with master bedroom. So it may be small but it will pretty much have everything.
Currently the plans are in Council and we’re waiting to hear if they’ll be approved or not. Apparently some neighbours have concerns over shadows being cast etc but seeing as the design firm made sure everything was by the book, I hope it will be approved. This little place won’t be our dream home, but it will be what we can afford and it will be a nice home.
When I was a kid I was fascinated with an old out-of-tune piano my dad had (and still has) and I would figure out how to play songs and tv jingles by ear. When I was about 12 my mum bought me an electronic keyboard and paid for lessons for me and the instructor said I learnt very quickly and had a good ear for music. As kids do I lost interest after a while and wasn’t forced to continue so it dropped by the wayside.
I had a friend in high school who could play the most amazing piece of piano music that I have ever heard. This piece basically cemented my love of piano music. I didn’t know what the song was at the time, but later I would discover that it was called “The Promise” by Michael Nyman. It was made famous in the movie “The Piano”, though I haven’t seen it yet.
I want to learn to play songs like this on the piano because it would be an amazing talent to have. Being able to make such beautiful music with my own hands would be incredible. I’m not sure I could ever be a great pianist because my hands are small and fingers quite short – reaching those keys is an effort. But one day I want a baby grand piano of my own, and be able to play it.
I’ve always had the tendency to be a bit of a loner. I find people often incomprehensible and can have trouble ‘fitting in’ in social situations where I don’t really know people.
As a consequence my social circle is really very small and I would like to expand it a little. Opportunities appear in life through other people and the events that surround them – living a loner lifestyle keeps a lot of doors closed.
I was always adamant that I never wanted to become a mother. Having a baby was about the scariest thing I could ever imagine doing – from the pain of birth to the huge responsibility of raising a child right. All that changed when my biology woke up and started poking me in the ovaries. I also met and married the most wonderful guy and realised that having a baby wasn’t something that I would have to do solo.
We’ve been trying for about 3 years now and due to having PCOS it’s taking a while. I did fall pregnant in May 2008 but lost it very early and had a miscarriage in which I lost a lot of blood and took a while to recover from both physically and emotionally.
Despite the sense of loss and disappointment from this, it did show me that I am capable of becoming pregnant so I just need to keep on trying and not get down about it. I’m only 28 so thankfully the clock isn’t ticking too urgently for me and I don’t think I want to go the medical fertility treatment route even if I can’t concieve naturally again.
I’ve always been a fairly highly-strung kind of person and I generally live with a background level of anxiety that isn’t too hard to take if I don’t do anything .. at all. Unfortunately not doing anything at all kind of limits actually living my life and I chafe at this self-imposed prison.
I currently take a low dose of Zoloft, however I’ve been on Effexor XR and Prothiaden in the past. Effexor XR was horrible – I was like a zombie. Zoloft doesn’t seem so bad and just 25mg a day seems to keep that background level of anxiety at a controllable level.
Unfortunately the anxiety invades every aspect of my life and makes things seem horribly scary that really aren’t. Logically I can realise that something is not scary but it doesn’t stop the butterflies, nausea, sweats and shakes.
I want to learn if this is something I can take control of, instead of having it control me. I’m letting life pass me by because I can’t deal with it and I don’t want to get to the end, look back on what I’ve done, and realise my life has been pointless and empty.
I’ve had several part time jobs since I was about 17 – I’ve done data entry, IT resume formatting for a recruitment agency, I’ve worked at 2 pet stores in an assistant manager role, done graphic design freelancing, and worked in multimedia development.
None of these have ever been a passion of mine so they’ve just been transitory things. Except perhaps the art thing – I enjoy that, but I find it difficult to view it as ‘a job’ and having to create art on demand for nitpicky clients is a little tiresome.
Since I found World of Warcraft any desire to be out in the workforce has completely dissipated and now I actually feel a little panicky about trying to re-enter it. I’m lucky that I have a caring husband who supports me but I don’t like feeling that I’m just a dependent.
I guess I’ll keep an eye out for something that might interest me. I find it impossible to stay in a job that I dislike as I just get more and more depressed and anxiety-ridden until I turn into a mess.
I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which basically means my hormones are messed up and along with this my cells are insulin resistant (which I’m on medication for) and basically it all adds up to there being far more of me to love than I’m comfortable with.
So basically I have the insulin resistance thing sorted out (thankyou modern medical science!) and my diet is quiet good – I eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegies, whole foods, not much fat and sugar, and organic where I can. I also try and stay away from wheat-based foods as I seem to be sensitive to them and I get moody and put on weight when I eat them.
My sticking point is exercise! I try and walk the dogs daily but if I can think of a reason not to, I’ll justify not going out and walking. My willpower is really bad when it comes to physical exertion. I used to go to a personal training studio but found uber fit blokes bouncing around chivvying me and making me feel like I wasn’t doing my best really rather intimidating.
I like to swim but my body image stops me from going out in public with only a pair of bathers on. I really don’t think I’m massive as far as overweight people go but I don’t want to inflict thunder thighs on anyone if I can help it.
I think alongside my goal to quit playing WoW, I’ll find less reasons to not go out walking with the dogs. I’d like to find a sport that I can enjoy and I used to be fit and terrific when I owned a horse in my teenage years but that’s really not financially viable at this time.
As a kid I used to draw constantly. Any blank space was open licence to scribble the contents of my mind down for the world to see. Teachers and assorted other adults were always quite sure I’d grow up to be some famous artist or at least earn a wage from it, but that never quite happened.
I’m not overly sure what happened to my muse – perhaps it was having to take an SSRI for an anxiety disorder blocking some imagination synapses from firing, or perhaps I burnt out my creativity while at graphic design college. Perhaps I just got out of the habit due to online games. Or maybe it was just a combination of all these.
Whatever it was, I kind of miss it. I still have the skills lurking around – every now and then I get something down on paper that still looks reasonable. I think the major problem is I lost my inspiration. I’m going to try and get back into the habit and hopefully get my creative juices flowing again. I really hope it’s not gone for good.
I’ve worked in a couple of standard pet stores over the years and I’ve come to realise a few things. I hate cleaning puppy crap off cages, I really dislike selling sentient creatures to people that may or may not care for them, and I love spending my day chatting to other people who love their pets.
One of my goals in this lifetime of mine is to open a boutique pet store. I will not sell live animals in this store – instead it will be the most glorious array of fancy pet products and poochwear ever. I want my store to appeal to the average pet owner who wants to spoil their pet, right up to the rich folk with more dollars than sense (diamond studded collars anyone?)
This goal is going to take me a long time. As much as I want to rush out and get started on this project straight away, it’s going to require quite a bit of capital to get off the ground and in the current financial climate I don’t feel comfortable taking out a business loan. So for now it’s a lofty goal lurking at the back of my mind and if the opportunity ever arises, I will grab it with both hands.
I realise I’m that much closer to 30 without really noticing the last half a decade passing. That’s kind of scary and I really have not accomplished anything apart from having a sweet set of purple pixels on my virtual character. I’m in one of the top raiding guilds on my server but all I feel about the game now is boredom and duty. Some game huh, where you can feel a sense of duty towards something that isn’t even real.
I’m aiming to kick WoW by March 2009. And unlike last time where I just replaced it with another MMO, i’m aiming for removing my dependency on MMOs altogether and figuring out what I actually want in life. It’s hard to do when I feel no passion for anything and directionless about my life in general. It’s probably why MMOs became such an addiction in the first place – they gave me goals.
