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Estelline

I can't form a single lucid thought.



I'm doing 23 things
  

How I did it
How to go crazy
It took me
12 months
It made me
Strange.

How I did it: Fuck it up. Fuck everything up. Like literally, Don't. Give. A. Shit. Let your mind take over, let it run free with its thoughts and actions. Feel like you're the only person in the world and no one else exists or matters unless you want them to. Read how I did it…

Feb 26, 06:59AM PST | 0 comments


How to work because I like to, not because I have to
It took me
11 months
It made me
Freaking happy!

How I did it: Got my ass fired. Then persued something that I never thought in a million years I would be able to do. Ambition, interest, and lots of water to keep my from throwing up because I was so scared. Read how I did it…

Oct 04, 2008, 07:16AM PDT | 5 comments | 37 cheers


Recent entries
get over my fear of people
Great. 2 months ago

Tomorrow is the first day of school again. I have to be back in a classroom with a bunch of people. And lucky for me I hate those people.

I’m trying to list the reasons why I hate them, but I can’t come up with any. I know this is irrational, but I get this feeling of utter dread when I think of going back there. The class and the work isn’t the problem, it’s the people there. That I have to face people again.

Shit.

Aug 30, 04:55AM PDT | 0 comments


write more poetry (read all 5 entries…)
You held Me In Sight 4 months ago

You held me in sight
For the first time
I thought I was seeing the sun light
Backing up against the wall through the
Biggest dark night I ever saw
And the tips touched every bit
The vastness took my breath away
I didn’t know the night
Could ever look in such bliss
When all I remembered was when the sadness
Struck me first

The Venetian curtains billow around
Waving their tips so they won’t touch the hollow
Ground
The whisper in their movements
To wield me away
Stuck to their chains
A metal device far too human to be explained
We are not grown-ups
So don’t ask me for a reason when
I decide to break down
And sing sad verses back to the moon

Jul 02, 01:14AM PDT | 0 comments


let go (read all 3 entries…)
Progress 4 months ago

I’m happy to say I’m getting the hang of this. I’ve decided to finally grow up, accept it, and smile. I still feel hurt sometimes and it’s a sensitive topic to my ears, but it doesn’t affect my daily thoughts anymore. I don’t feel like there’s a hand choking my body with rage anymore. I’ve decided to just accept it, face up to the responsibility and the embarrassment, and move on. It makes me a lot happier.

Jul 02, 01:09AM PDT | 0 comments


See all entries ...


 

I want to:

The world wants to...

play the saxophone more move out of the US stop eating fast food be a good mom Become a Power Ranger learn Cantonese sighmo wants to Make a movie get a motorcycle work from home stay up all night wandering around outside Make a movie learn more about Buddhism Be a nude model for an art class be fluent in german meet new people print personal business cards jansu wants to exercise more have a date perfect my spanish learn to ski at the intermediate level go platinum blonde watch all of the Freaks and Geeks episodes go to a Korn concert Laugh a lot keep the people I care about close to me dress well forgive
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