I'm doing 22 things
Untitled
1 week ago
I need to stop accomadaring myself to everyone elses expectations. The more I do so, the more I confuse myself. I can’t tell who I pretend to be and who i am anymore.
Estelline's Life List
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1. overcome my panic disorder
3 entries . 7 cheers6 people -
2. write more poetry
5 entries . 1 cheer912 people -
3. get over my fear of people
1 entry . 2 cheers75 people -
4. stop homophobia
8 cheers122 people -
5. not be so insecure
4 entries . 1 cheer42 people -
6. regain my faith in humanity
3 entries . 2 cheers3 people -
7. have a star named after me
1 entry179 people -
8. Write my own song.
3 entries . 1 cheer186 people -
9. Act in a play
1 entry345 people -
10. have a gun pointed at you
1 entry1 person -
11. buy a taser gun and use it
1 entry3 people -
12. join the peace corp
1 entry . 3 cheers218 people -
13. Not feel ugly
2 entries . 3 cheers154 people -
14. know myself
3 entries503 people -
15. get straight A's
2 entries . 1 cheer1,763 people -
16. stop skipping school
4 entries56 people -
17. I saw this and thought of you
1 entry4 people -
18. to be happy
1 cheer254 people -
19. do my homework
1 entry613 people -
20. improve my relationship with my mother
1 entry37 people -
21. take more pride in my appearance
1 entry36 people -
22. Stick it to The Man
1 cheer270 people
How I did it
It made me
Strange. 
How I did it: Fuck it up. Fuck everything up. Like literally, Don't. Give. A. Shit. Let your mind take over, let it run free with its thoughts and actions. Feel like you're the only person in the world and no one else exists or matters unless you want them to. Read how I did it…
It made me
Freaking happy! 
How I did it: Got my ass fired. Then persued something that I never thought in a million years I would be able to do. Ambition, interest, and lots of water to keep my from throwing up because I was so scared. Read how I did it…
Recent entries
Great.
2 months ago
Tomorrow is the first day of school again. I have to be back in a classroom with a bunch of people. And lucky for me I hate those people.
I’m trying to list the reasons why I hate them, but I can’t come up with any. I know this is irrational, but I get this feeling of utter dread when I think of going back there. The class and the work isn’t the problem, it’s the people there. That I have to face people again.
Shit.
You held Me In Sight
4 months ago
You held me in sight
For the first time
I thought I was seeing the sun light
Backing up against the wall through the
Biggest dark night I ever saw
And the tips touched every bit
The vastness took my breath away
I didn’t know the night
Could ever look in such bliss
When all I remembered was when the sadness
Struck me first
The Venetian curtains billow around
Waving their tips so they won’t touch the hollow
Ground
The whisper in their movements
To wield me away
Stuck to their chains
A metal device far too human to be explained
We are not grown-ups
So don’t ask me for a reason when
I decide to break down
And sing sad verses back to the moon
