Evekes

Only two days ago, I was sitting in the car with one of my dearest friends. Not only were we sitting, we were driving. And it was just the two of us.
I just sat there, amazed with her skill. Enjoying the sensation of independence caused by us two girlfriends on the highway, there it was, out of nowhere: a pang of jealousy.
One part of me is afraid of getting her driver’s licence, even afraid of trying to. Why? Because I fear it may be something I just can’t do. Ever.
The other part of me is telling me to get over myself. Stop being a big crybaby and get with the programme. When I look out of my window, I see thousands of people driving up and down the road every day.
Hey, I can do that!
I’ll start tomorrow.

...yet so far.
Two days ago, I called one of my fight-club-adoring friends. Because I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Because I knew he was the proud owner of the dvd. I asked him if he could come over that night. As casual as I could master, I suggested he’d bring Fight Club. Quite excited about me wanting to see it – with him! – he promised to bring it along.
When the doorbell rang, I was already mentally taking “watch Fight Club” of my list. It would be my very first success on 43 Things.
However, I was about to be disappointed.
When we sat down on the couch and I started hinting at the tv, he spoke my most dreaded words: “Guess which movie with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton I’ve forgotten at home?”
We watched another movie, but I’ve spent that night longing for the real thing. Frustrated.

It’s awesome motivation though. My desire to complete this goal now comes from within. I always want what I’m denied. I always get it.

I want to watch fight club. I really do. But somehow, I always manage to procrastinate the things that I can easily succeed and are in fact even enjoyable. That’s how I managed to stay a solid 19-years “fight club”-clean.
So when my friends are talking about Fight Club (and somehow, they always are), I just stand there, trying to change the subject. I’m always too late. Someone wispers, someone points at me and all of the sudden everybody’s watching me, looking horrified. “You_haven’t_seen_fight_club?!” I nod.”You can, no, you must borrow my copie!”
So let’s just get it over with. I know I’ll like the movie (I’d watch it for Edward Norton alone)and I really want to see it. I give myself one, no two, weeks.