Faaria

This is a big factor in how I feel about my life as I have all these memories I cling to of who I used to be, the clear goals I had, the ambition and self-confidence that came with knowing where I was headed. I look back and demean myself with unfavourable comparisons to the present “me” who seems so purposeless, lost and used up. I feel old though I am young, weary of being the lost soul in this life.

I look at others around me and envy their happiness and connection to a living, joyful life. I wonder why I fail to be so spontaneous and fully engaged when others make it look like second nature. For me it is an effort most of the time to even laugh a genuine laugh or smile with true warmth. I pretend to be happy but not very convincingly.

Above all, I just want to recognise myself again. I miss the old “me”.