is kickin' back & having a brew

with friends. I showed up at the appointed time. Nobody was home. I called. They had neglected to tell me dinner was to be somewhere else, too far away for my little car to make. So all dressed up and no where to go, I went home. Whether it was miscommunications or not, it opened several old wounds. You see, I was also hoping for some communication from my sons, particularly the elder.

Brian is the one that grew up with me. I always tried to make holidays special for him. He always seemed to enjoy them. In my childhood, holidays were weird. It was always about stuff. When I made my own home, I tried to emphasize good food, good times, decorating and togetherness. I’d invite folks without family in town. I felt this was a time to be with people, sharing the warmth. When it came to decorations, I was the little kid that never grew up. I love all that crap.

When my son left home and married, that all changed. It wasn’t a change to the young couple spending holidays with each other. It became a half hour drive by visit on their way to spend a day or two with her folks. When he divorced the first and hooked up with his second, it then became a drive by half hour visit on the way to her folks.

When I moved to Kansas…no cards, no hi Moms, I ceased to exist. The second year I was here, I went back to Seattle for a visit. I had to make an appointment for him to meet me at the ferry. He never showed up. He forgot. We set another appointment for lunch the next day. He was an hour or so late.

Jesus Christ!! When am I going to get a clue? Oh every now and then he MIGHT answer a direct Twitter. I get more out of complete strangers. I give up! My mother and siblings don’t celebrate these traditional holidays due to religious reasons. My son wants no contact and tired of being a fifth wheel in other people’s families. Not that I’m ungrateful for their offers, I just don’t like being reminded of Brian.

I’ve always been the oddball on the outside of things. The only time my company is welcomed or wanted is when I paint things. So be it. I paint things, I work, I live alone with two cats. I’ve finally adjusted. That’s all I want. Holidays are for families. To the rest of us solitaires, it’s just another day. If I live by this I won’t have to spend another day hurt or disappointed.

Looking at this with the new perspective, I realize that I work my ass off. Time to rest is precious. I’ll have a few more days where I can work, clean my house, listen to music really loud, pet a cat and know I’ll not be disturbed.

a chair upright with your feet on the desk and a 20lb cat pounces in the middle of your abdomen.

of black, white and gray, with just a touch of silver gilding. I like argyles. These are cool. The color blocks are heart shaped and the silver thread creates the plaid. Designed for the sophisticated dweeb.