ForAmilee

Isn’t it weird that what we want can change so dramatcally? Right now, I just wnat to cut myself. When I’m done writing this, I probably will, too.
Yet, I know with absolute certainty that within a matter of days, I will be looking at this entry and thinking, “My God? I can’t believe I wrote this! I hope nobody read it!!” And I’ll delete this entry and delete the goal from my list, and I won’t be able to imagine what I was thinking when I posted it. But right now, it’s true and overwhelming. To cut myself seems sensible and reasonable to me. It seems like a (relatively) harmless way to blow off steam and get this out of my system. I know it is sick in a textbook sort of way, but it seems right to me.
How weird. Where is this person that knows this is not a good idea? She’ll be here later, but where is she now?

Here is my ‘done’ list:

Ryan McDonald
John Hansen
Jamie Piper
Toby Taylor

‘To do’
Rhea Toliver
Araceli DeLeon
Kathleen Hernandez
Colleen Whoston
Paul Schembari
Whitney

Harold, Jean and Grandpa
Dee Johnson
Friday Jacobs
Pat Amos

Michele Barela
Chris Werner
Jamie Mrgich
Pete Zwissler
Sarah Burrows
Kris Burns
Duane Carter
Dale (Orval) Moore

They both accrue flavor and value with age.
Finally reached out to just a few people.
Ryan was the first person with whom I was able to reconnect. It was wonderful, he looks fantastic and has found work that interests him and gives his life some meaning. He has a passion for wine and seems to excel at his job. I even took my mom to one of his wine tastings.
If you are a person who feels disappointed with yourself, do not let that stop you from seeking out old friends. I’m going to reach out to a few more right now.
Old friends can make you feel like the old self you forgot you used to be.